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Message
re: Whats the craziest "almost shite my pants" story you got?
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:11 am to crimsoncoded94
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:11 am to crimsoncoded94
What did you wipe your arse with?
1
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:12 am to crimsoncoded94
Not almost and not me but I had a girl shite in the bed after we fell asleep after sex. It was terrible!
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:30 am to Broham
Nothing. I had to drive home on crust arse.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:31 am to W2NOMO
Congrats on sleeping with Amber Heard.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:40 am to crimsoncoded94
quote:
Why'd you go back to the spot?
This is what I thought as I read it
quote:
It was on the blacktop and was rather sizeable.
Maybe it was a proud moment and he wanted one last look
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:40 am to crimsoncoded94
In the 1990s ....I had to go so bad I pulled over to go in a ghetto gas station.
Asked the guy for the key and he made me wait in line. Even though the other people, told him to just give me the key.
Well he finally gives it to me after waiting behind 5 people, clenching and sweating.
It's tied to a broom stick.
I go to the bathroom, not going to use the nasty arse toilet so I shite in the middle of the floor and stick the broom stick key in my massive pile.
Go tell the guy running the cash register, frick you and the key is in the bathroom and then drive off.
Not my best moment, but I was a pissed off dumb teenager.
Asked the guy for the key and he made me wait in line. Even though the other people, told him to just give me the key.
Well he finally gives it to me after waiting behind 5 people, clenching and sweating.
It's tied to a broom stick.
I go to the bathroom, not going to use the nasty arse toilet so I shite in the middle of the floor and stick the broom stick key in my massive pile.
Go tell the guy running the cash register, frick you and the key is in the bathroom and then drive off.
Not my best moment, but I was a pissed off dumb teenager.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:43 am to Banned
The worst part is that guy probably just put out of order on the door and a really nice coworker had to actually clean it up.
This post was edited on 3/31/26 at 11:45 am
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:48 am to crimsoncoded94
Pulled over at a gas station on the edge of a small town with a 5 alarm fire brewing. Go inside and they had signs on both Men's and Women's doors that said Out of Order. Asked the clerk where the nearest gas station or restaurant was and he pointed and said 'A couple miles....' Didn't even listen to the directions. Clenched up and went outside and grabbed a handful of paper towels by the pumps for checking oil/window washing and limped around back by some bushes. It was a photo finish getting my belt unbuckled and pants down. The paper towels almost cost me but no regrets.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:52 am to crimsoncoded94
quote:
The worst part is that guy probably just put out of order on the door and a really nice coworker had to actually clean it up.
I really don't think this place had a nice co worker. I could be wrong but I don't remember it that way.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:52 am to TD422
quote:
Almost shite my pants story? I got nothing. Actually shite my pants story? I'm your huckleberry.
Yeah it’s like gambling. You always remember the bad beats more than the wins or when you break even.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 11:53 am to reggierayreb
Gotta get it done sometimes like that
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:03 pm to crimsoncoded94
Didn't crap my pants but I did crap in my back yard.
Went out of town on vacation and driving back we stopped for food about an hour from our house. Wasn't real hungry, so I made the mistake of getting a large milkshake. That thing rocketed through my digestive track at breakneck speed. About 30 minutes from the house my stomach started rumbling and making noises and i knew things weren't right so I started driving faster. At 15 minutes from the house, I knew I was in deep trouble and was hitting 90+ mph to get home. My wife was freaking out but I'm clenching as I hard as I can to keep it in. Am not crapping in my truck.
Pull into the driveway, hit the garage door opener and it goes up about 2-3 inches. Am in full blown panic mode now. We have no keys to get in the house. The neighbor who was watching our dog is on his way over, I make the wife stall him and I run around the back of the house. I crouch behind the ac unit and unload, diarrhea everywhere, splashing up on my pants, socks and shoes. Fortunately, the back of the house is secluded from the neighbors, lots of trees providing privacy. No wipe, pull up pants and head around front.
Neighbor was coming over to tell me the garage door broke, I would later find out it was the spring and the door jammed. Tell the neighbor I need to borrow a ladder to climb up to our balcony deck on the back of the house, we never locked the door on it thank the Lord. I could tell he caught wind or sight of what I had done behind the ac unit. He never mentioned it.
Went out of town on vacation and driving back we stopped for food about an hour from our house. Wasn't real hungry, so I made the mistake of getting a large milkshake. That thing rocketed through my digestive track at breakneck speed. About 30 minutes from the house my stomach started rumbling and making noises and i knew things weren't right so I started driving faster. At 15 minutes from the house, I knew I was in deep trouble and was hitting 90+ mph to get home. My wife was freaking out but I'm clenching as I hard as I can to keep it in. Am not crapping in my truck.
Pull into the driveway, hit the garage door opener and it goes up about 2-3 inches. Am in full blown panic mode now. We have no keys to get in the house. The neighbor who was watching our dog is on his way over, I make the wife stall him and I run around the back of the house. I crouch behind the ac unit and unload, diarrhea everywhere, splashing up on my pants, socks and shoes. Fortunately, the back of the house is secluded from the neighbors, lots of trees providing privacy. No wipe, pull up pants and head around front.
Neighbor was coming over to tell me the garage door broke, I would later find out it was the spring and the door jammed. Tell the neighbor I need to borrow a ladder to climb up to our balcony deck on the back of the house, we never locked the door on it thank the Lord. I could tell he caught wind or sight of what I had done behind the ac unit. He never mentioned it.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:05 pm to Broke
quote:
I was on a plane flight from Houston to New Orleans and we were on approach with the entire "buckle up stay in your seats" scenario and my stomach went ape shite. I tried my hardest but as soon as we landed I had to go BAD and hopped up and ran into the bathroom on the plane. Well fricking apparently per regulations once someone gets up and barricades themselves in a toilet, the plane has to stop. So I locked up an entire runway while flight attendants were banging on the door asking me to come out. I had to speak with police because apparently they were called. The plane had to be searched. There were about 130 pissed off people and I was slightly embarrassed
Damn lmao I think you win this thread.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:05 pm to crimsoncoded94
Ain't no "almost"
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:06 pm to crimsoncoded94
I was nominated by my platoon to participate in a meritorious promotion board while on the 31st MEU in Okinawa. My platoon stayed at camp Schwab but the board was at some other base across the island which I had never been - this camp had females. The promotion was for Corporal, an NCO, which is a huge step for Marines, so I was already wound up tight for the day. The board consisted of uniform inspections, USMC tactics and knowledge, history, drill, shooting, swim test, and a PFT.
Well during the PFT, I was going all out for the perfect score of 300 - 20 pullups, 100 crunches, and <18 min 3 mile run. At about mile 2, I realize that there was very strong chance that I wouldn't be able to finish the run without an emergency head call. I was like shite - if I stop for even 20-30 seconds, I'd probably get passed up. But there was no way around it. The tough thing was the run was thru the base which there were people from other services out and about in the street and sidewalks. So there was nowhere to duck away real quick or anything like that. I would have to go into some random building and hopefully find a stall with the quickness. Then like it was meant to be, I come to my next turn and there's ~5' ditch between the road and sidewalk. Perfect. On instinct, I jumped down there and in the air, pulled my green skivvies down and blasted away. There were crossing guards at this turn and an air force unit running in formation 15' from me - in full view hahahha. I was like whatever, fly-babies, aren't you glad you joined the air force! The 30 second pit stop was all i needed and I flew up the ditch and was able to finish sub 18 min for the 300 score that I needed. Later on that day I was promoted to corporal, having won the promotion over the 15 others from BLT 1/5. I never told that story from the good ole days until now
Well during the PFT, I was going all out for the perfect score of 300 - 20 pullups, 100 crunches, and <18 min 3 mile run. At about mile 2, I realize that there was very strong chance that I wouldn't be able to finish the run without an emergency head call. I was like shite - if I stop for even 20-30 seconds, I'd probably get passed up. But there was no way around it. The tough thing was the run was thru the base which there were people from other services out and about in the street and sidewalks. So there was nowhere to duck away real quick or anything like that. I would have to go into some random building and hopefully find a stall with the quickness. Then like it was meant to be, I come to my next turn and there's ~5' ditch between the road and sidewalk. Perfect. On instinct, I jumped down there and in the air, pulled my green skivvies down and blasted away. There were crossing guards at this turn and an air force unit running in formation 15' from me - in full view hahahha. I was like whatever, fly-babies, aren't you glad you joined the air force! The 30 second pit stop was all i needed and I flew up the ditch and was able to finish sub 18 min for the 300 score that I needed. Later on that day I was promoted to corporal, having won the promotion over the 15 others from BLT 1/5. I never told that story from the good ole days until now
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:15 pm to crimsoncoded94
Back prob 15yrs ago, me and a couple of buddies were on the back 9 of a mediocre local golf course and 3 jack legs starting pushing us around hole 16. So, we rushed thru hole 17 and 18 and I had to shite, so I decided to drop a load in the hole on #18. Late evening and no one around. I still wonder what those assholes said when they pulled up to the green on 18.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:19 pm to crimsoncoded94
nothing beats this story
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:24 pm to crimsoncoded94
Econ final, Lockett Hall. Teacher was Lamar Jones, a good dude who went on to be Dean of the college of business. I'm in the middle of taking the test and it hits me. I walk stiff legged up to the front and tell Dr Jones he can fail me if he wants but if I don't leave right now today will be a day nobody in this room will ever forget.
I don't know if it was because the look of pain on my face convinced him or because he was just a nice guy, but he let me go tend to business and come back and finish the test.
I don't know if it was because the look of pain on my face convinced him or because he was just a nice guy, but he let me go tend to business and come back and finish the test.
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:27 pm to crimsoncoded94
Wasn't there a bathroom destroying story on here a few years ago that broke the damn place?
Posted on 3/31/26 at 12:29 pm to crimsoncoded94
The worst part is is that you can’t run because you know you’re going to shite right there if you’re running. Suddenly, you become a fast walking pro (with the occasional hop, skip, and jump) that could qualify for the Olympics without any training.
This post was edited on 3/31/26 at 12:45 pm
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