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re: What is the worst hook up experience you have ever had?
Posted on 6/11/14 at 12:13 pm to rebeloke
Posted on 6/11/14 at 12:13 pm to rebeloke
Hooked up with an ex gf at the Loves truckstop in Minden, La. She was way over weight, on the rag, and drunk as a skunk. Little did I know that she had eaten 7 layer dip and red velvet cake before she came and met me. Long story short, she gives me a bj and before I cum, she takes her mouth off and it shoots in her hair. We talk a while and she starts puking. Worst smell ever. She then tries to blow me again and I have to tell her to stop because she stinks and already did that. She then takes her pants off and wants me to play with her stringed instrument. The smell was terrible. I couldn't get away fast enough.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 12:16 pm to CptBengal
quote:
bullshite. From someone who actually has his redwings...there is a definite taste you would have known,
So far whacked out on a 3 day Halloween bender? Nah. It took a good 4 or 5 seconds and then ran for bathroom. I ain't Walt. Don't ever doubt my stories.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 12:25 pm to rebeloke
I took a girl home, not bad looking, by morning she had developed a speech impediment. My friends got a big kick out of it, I never noticed the night before.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 12:27 pm to REB BEER
quote:
Hooked up with an ex gf at the Loves truckstop in Minden, La. She was way over weight, on the rag, and drunk as a skunk. Little did I know that she had eaten 7 layer dip and red velvet cake before she came and met me. Long story short, she gives me a bj and before I cum, she takes her mouth off and it shoots in her hair. We talk a while and she starts puking. Worst smell ever. She then tries to blow me again and I have to tell her to stop because she stinks and already did that. She then takes her pants off and wants me to play with her stringed instrument. The smell was terrible. I couldn't get away fast enough.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 12:42 pm to mikelbr
quote:
"Babygirl, we need a napkin or something. shhh. don't let anyone know."
quote:
mikelbr
you're one funny mfer dude
Posted on 6/11/14 at 1:19 pm to Ignignot
Didnt happen to me but my buddy.
Bachelor Party in New Orleans in 2004. I take the bachelor, my buddy, to one of those rub and tug spas to consummate his marriage. Well he goes in the back and I'm sitting in this room playing Pokemon with this 6 year oriental girl while this 80 year old grandmother is nitting some fricking scarf none of which speak a lick of fricking English. I hadn't slept in 2 days and it was pretty awkward situation. Well about 10 minutes later my buddy comes running out the back. Before he opens the door I'm thinking "well that didn't take long". So he busts through the door butt naked yelling "FIRE"!!!! Well the little oriental chick that he went back there with follows him out and she is screaming as well. Come to find out she took off his pants and threw them on a group of scented candals. As she is riding him he smells something and looks over and his pants are engulfed in flames. Funny thing was the 80 year old grandma put that fire out like some dude off of backdraft. All the while the little oriental girl are just looking at each other like WTF is going on right now?
Bachelor Party in New Orleans in 2004. I take the bachelor, my buddy, to one of those rub and tug spas to consummate his marriage. Well he goes in the back and I'm sitting in this room playing Pokemon with this 6 year oriental girl while this 80 year old grandmother is nitting some fricking scarf none of which speak a lick of fricking English. I hadn't slept in 2 days and it was pretty awkward situation. Well about 10 minutes later my buddy comes running out the back. Before he opens the door I'm thinking "well that didn't take long". So he busts through the door butt naked yelling "FIRE"!!!! Well the little oriental chick that he went back there with follows him out and she is screaming as well. Come to find out she took off his pants and threw them on a group of scented candals. As she is riding him he smells something and looks over and his pants are engulfed in flames. Funny thing was the 80 year old grandma put that fire out like some dude off of backdraft. All the while the little oriental girl are just looking at each other like WTF is going on right now?
This post was edited on 6/11/14 at 1:23 pm
Posted on 6/11/14 at 1:29 pm to rebeloke
I lost my virginity to a one night stand about 2 years ago. I jumped out of bed to take a shower after the sex and she was gone when I got back.
Overall it wasn't bad though. I met her 200 feet from my apartment while walking home from downtown. She was pretty hot, and she sucked on my penis, which was nice.
Overall it wasn't bad though. I met her 200 feet from my apartment while walking home from downtown. She was pretty hot, and she sucked on my penis, which was nice.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 3:54 pm to REB BEER
Dude that is off the hook! 
Posted on 6/11/14 at 5:34 pm to rebeloke
By far, this is the best thread I have ever read, so I will join in.
When I was 20, I was at the biker and scank rally called the strawberry festival ( my best friend lived right across from the grounds.) after drinking all day and night, two buddies and I met these girls and go three towns over with them. None are that cute but me and one of them start banging as the sun comes up. As soon as I'm done, I Grab the other two and we leave, and we immediately start drinking again. Go to a pool party ( no sleep ) and meet another girl who is in a higher weight class than I typically like. Bring her back to a party at my friends house and bang her in his bed. My buddies and I were so drunk we sat and laughed that I pulled a tubby and just banged here while no one noticed she was sitting right by me.
Well, karma cough tip the next morning, as I woke up and felt I needed to puke. I went downstairs to do it out side, but my friends parents and other guest were out there drinking coffee. As I stood in the kitchen trying to decided what to do, I started pucking. Since I hadn't had food in two days. It was a 100% beer vomit. I dropped my shorts to clean it up, only to realize I never put boxers on so now I was naked. Either from the hangover or emotional down, I started crying like a little girl who just saw her pony punched in the face. Finally my buddy's cool sister in law found me and put me back in the bed.
Moral: don't laugh at fatty's, karma has a soft spot for them.
When I was 20, I was at the biker and scank rally called the strawberry festival ( my best friend lived right across from the grounds.) after drinking all day and night, two buddies and I met these girls and go three towns over with them. None are that cute but me and one of them start banging as the sun comes up. As soon as I'm done, I Grab the other two and we leave, and we immediately start drinking again. Go to a pool party ( no sleep ) and meet another girl who is in a higher weight class than I typically like. Bring her back to a party at my friends house and bang her in his bed. My buddies and I were so drunk we sat and laughed that I pulled a tubby and just banged here while no one noticed she was sitting right by me.
Well, karma cough tip the next morning, as I woke up and felt I needed to puke. I went downstairs to do it out side, but my friends parents and other guest were out there drinking coffee. As I stood in the kitchen trying to decided what to do, I started pucking. Since I hadn't had food in two days. It was a 100% beer vomit. I dropped my shorts to clean it up, only to realize I never put boxers on so now I was naked. Either from the hangover or emotional down, I started crying like a little girl who just saw her pony punched in the face. Finally my buddy's cool sister in law found me and put me back in the bed.
Moral: don't laugh at fatty's, karma has a soft spot for them.
This post was edited on 6/11/14 at 5:59 pm
Posted on 6/11/14 at 6:08 pm to GCHunter
I did something once that I aint real proud of. I fricked a fat girl...now I'm not talking plump I'm talking fricking fat. You know, she had 2 sets of titties...she had her titties then she had a set of titties on her back. I wasn't real proud of it and all but I don't reckon I can deny it. I remember going down on her..i got her legs spread apart and I remember it looked like a Goddamn blowed out tater biscuit, with sour cream all on it. I don't think I ate it I don't really remember. Anyway, I woke up the next morning and I had shite all over my dick. Not just on my dick but on my legs, on my belly, just shite everywhere. I mean it looked like someone took a bowl of chili and just thrown it all over me. Kinda fricked me up a little bit. My daddy always told me it wasn't a date unless you left with shite on your dick...he didn't say nothing about getting sprayed though.
Anyhow, I got the hell outta there fast as I could. She called me the other day, said she thought she was pregnant and I thought well shite I guess she'll be looking for a check soon. Well she called back, turns out she was just constipated.
This is not original btw I stole it
Anyhow, I got the hell outta there fast as I could. She called me the other day, said she thought she was pregnant and I thought well shite I guess she'll be looking for a check soon. Well she called back, turns out she was just constipated.
This is not original btw I stole it
Posted on 6/11/14 at 6:14 pm to deltaland
This thread is awesome, and this
May be the best thing I've ever read
quote:
My daddy always told me it wasn't a date unless you left with shite on your dick
May be the best thing I've ever read
Posted on 6/11/14 at 7:31 pm to Ignignot
This thread is full of win.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 7:36 pm to N2cars
I don't remember my worse but I can tell you this chick named wrigley from ole miss'' worse
She came back to the condo with me and after fricking and passing out she woke up in the middle of the night to me pissing in her face. She stormed out and told my buddy on the couch what happened. I don't remember a thing
She came back to the condo with me and after fricking and passing out she woke up in the middle of the night to me pissing in her face. She stormed out and told my buddy on the couch what happened. I don't remember a thing
Posted on 6/11/14 at 9:10 pm to yellowfin
My buddy was dating a deaf girl and I hooked up with one of her deaf friends she brought home with her. It was all good until the grunts, groans and moaning started and when it did, it was really loud and corky sounding. I couldn't focus or even finish it was so awkward.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 9:43 pm to deltaland
That reminds me of prison sex stories.
Posted on 6/11/14 at 10:19 pm to rebeloke
Met girl at party, hit it off, went back to her place. I was fairly drunk, as was she. We mess around and she tells me she wants to use her beads. I had never used beads. I slowly work them into her bunghole until all are inside her then I proceed to go to town on her honeytrap with my fingers. She gets close and tells me to pull the beads. I had never pulled beads, they felt stuck. So I yanked them like I was starting a lawn mower. She screamed. I yelled. She pooed. I vomited. She was pissed. I stumbled out the door.
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