re: UPDATE: Difficult news regarding unborn child

Our adopted daughter was thought to have water on her kidneys and possibly have Down syndrome.

We told the birth mom that we already love the baby and nothing would change our mind.

She’s 13 today, athletic and has a ravenous appetite.

She’s perfect.

They are telling you what could happen but they very often can't say that it will with a high degree of certainty. My cousin and his wife were told that there was a strong chance that their baby would be born with only one arm. A local church prayed for them. The baby was born with both arms and is a promising junior high school quarterback 14 years later.

Thoughts and prayers for you and yours my brother.

Echogenic bowel (you described it as bright) and the neck measurements are what are referred to as “soft” markers for downs. My perfectly healthy daughter had them also. Ultrasounds are FAR FAR from perfect, especially with just soft markers. We skipped the early blood test then got the soft marker ultrasound which had us shitting bricks till the paterni 21 blood test came back normal a week later. I would put much more faith in the blood work. How old is your wife? Downs is especially rare in moms less than 35. My wife was only 29 when pregnant for our first which made the questionable ultrasound come out of left field. Again let me say my daughter is now a perfectly healthy and smart 3 year old. You said you were told there was a “high” chance he could have an abnormality, ask for a percentage. These “soft” markers are just that… soft! Meaning usually only a few percent. Ask for a balllpark probability. A 3% chance of an abnormality is high compared say the usual 0.3% chance. That means you have a ten fold increase in an abnormality. You also still have a 97% chance of having a normal baby. Again the blood work and not the ultrasound will be diagnostic. Ask these questions plus what blood work your maternal-fetal medicine doctor recommends.

If you had the genetic testing, I would like to think downs or other types of genetic related issues are low probability (doesn’t the test say like 99% accuracy)?

I feel like sonograms are far less accurate than an actual blood test when it comes to major genetic problems. Ultrasounds have actually gotten so sensitive that the traditional markers are not as effective as the earlier days when the less sensitive machines would pick it up and actually indicate a real problem. We had a clean blood test with our 2nd kid but he had a white blotch / spot on the heart that required doctors to tell us all these risks including it being a key marker for downs. He was perfectly healthy and it all went away the next ultrasound.

That being said, physiological issues are separate and can only show up in an ultrasound so you have to take it seriously. However, there are so many stories of babies measuring way too small and end up being perfect.

I know it is impossible to do but I would try to not worry / stress until something more definitive happens. Best of luck and hope this helps.

***Disclosure - I am not a doctor and should probably be asleep***

Exactly the same scenario when my wife was pregnant with out oldest son. He wound up just fine except short. He’s now an adult and living a great life.

Take what these doctors say with a grain of salt. My last two kids apparently had "all sorts of issues" in the womb...2nd probably having downs and 3rd very small with enlarged kidneys.

Both of them are normal and have zero issues. My last was born three weeks early and came home with us after 4 days.

If it is a stillborn or if you lose the child soon after birth just know that your wife will never be the same. We buried our son on his delivery day after my wife had a pulmonary embolism. They will give you as much time to grieve with your child as you want, just know that every so often you will have to place them back in the chilled crib.

It all sounds so morbid, but if it happens enjoy the time you have with them. Do everything you normally would. I've always ended You Are My Sunshine with some goofy ending specific to my kids, took the time to do that. There are even photographers you can use that specialize in taking pictures in the hospital room with the baby, do it.

And the above poster is right about your wife, be there for her. Know she will never be the same. Even if she's smiling or not saying anything, know she will be thinking of that child. Prayers go out to y'all.

It's crazy they only pay for three sonograms. My wife and I lost a child when she was 8.5 months pregnant due to the embilocal cord get wrapped around the baby. The worst part was that she had to still deliver the baby because it was so far along. It took three days in the hospital. Three days where you are just in disbelief. Fortunately, 25 years later, and the good lord blessed us with two wonderful kids. One just started med school and the other is a junior in college. After losing our first child, my wife was getting a sonogram every week pretty much, and insurance had no problem paying.