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Started By
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Unexpected Thoughts/Feelings after Losing a Loved One
Posted on 7/25/24 at 11:52 pm
Posted on 7/25/24 at 11:52 pm
Just lost a family member after a long drawn out death in hospice. Head is spinning. More so for his immediate family (adult children/spouse/siblings). Anyone care to share what you experienced that you didn’t see coming after the death of a close loved one
50
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:19 am to Geert
Depression
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:23 am to Geert
Sorry about the loss. Wish I had stories to help. But those new thoughts and feelings will surprise you for longer than you expect. They also change, almost as if grieving\change is a process. Sounds cliche but it’s my experience.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:26 am to Geert
quote:That's tough and condolence to your family.
Just lost a family member after a long drawn out death in hospice. Head is spinning. More so for his immediate family (adult children/spouse/siblings).
I've been losing people left and right... and there is no answer of how to react imo.
shite, I lost my dad 20+ and that was a thing and now I lost my mom less than a year ago.
For your OP, it's just be there... and try to understand that persons immediately effected will go though a lot initially and not land on a space.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:38 am to Geert
The guilt of not saying I love you to them more
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:42 am to Geert
Lost my mother nearly three months ago to Alzheimers. I'm mostly still numb. We were very close and I think about her a lot but it's without any strong feelings of grief, which surprised me. The last eight years, and especially the last four years, and most especially the last year and a half were hard. You grieve as you go along and when it's over I guess most of the grieving is already done. I held her hand as she died. Looking back it seems unreal, like it happened to somebody else. I'm sure something will hit me eventually but it hasn't really yet.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:44 am to LSUJML
quote:Yep.
The guilt of not saying I love you to them more
Off-topic - how you doing JML?
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:47 am to LSUJML
quote:
The guilt of not saying I love you to them more
I made a point of telling my mother that as often as possible, right up to the day she died.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:57 am to Geert
For me everything. In the 2+ years I cared for my dying wife I refused to think about life after her because when I did I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. So I stayed in the present only focusing on what was next in her treatment and what she needed right now.
When it happened this past April everything changed and it was all I could do to hang in there. I'm talking Olympic level mental gymnastics.
Even now I avoid looking back and try to focus on the future and my health and wellness for the time being. Dealing with all of the business stuff makes it real difficult to keep my mind off of it but then again it keeps me occupied. So I'm still doing mental gymnastics just not Olympic level now.
I'm very fortunate for the life I have but I just can't shake the sadness of what happened to her. And being 67 and alone had never ever before crossed my mind.
When it happened this past April everything changed and it was all I could do to hang in there. I'm talking Olympic level mental gymnastics.
Even now I avoid looking back and try to focus on the future and my health and wellness for the time being. Dealing with all of the business stuff makes it real difficult to keep my mind off of it but then again it keeps me occupied. So I'm still doing mental gymnastics just not Olympic level now.
I'm very fortunate for the life I have but I just can't shake the sadness of what happened to her. And being 67 and alone had never ever before crossed my mind.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 12:57 am to Geert
quote:
Just lost a family member after a long drawn out death in hospice.
A weird mix of peace knowing there was no more suffering, yet a deep regret to not say “I love you” more or attempt to understand life lessons trying to be taught.
If I was given one opportunity to go back in time in life, yet keep my present the same, I’d love to go back to 13 and comprehend what my grandparents were trying to teach me.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 1:01 am to wallowinit
This board is mostly just nonsense, then one of these threads comes up and you realize most of us, or maybe all of us, are hurting in some way.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 1:04 am to Geert
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve lost everyone. Embrace good memories.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 1:21 am to Geert
My brother unexpectedly died a couple years ago. He was kind of a loner. I blew him off so much. He loved the Saints and to fish. I could have spent more time with him doing stuff like that, but I was selfish. I kick my own arse every time I think about it. Sorry for your loss man. Death sucks, no matter what the situation is.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 2:26 am to Geert
Most of your days will be rough for a while. Over time, they happen less but never go away.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 3:32 am to Geert
The gut punch is when you have something that you would share with them and then realize that you can’t pick up the phone and call them. The finality of the loss can be hard.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 3:34 am to Geert
I was surprised how much much more it made me immediately appreciate our shared loved ones. Also, I was surprised how much I could enjoy that fellowship in the immediate aftermath.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 3:44 am to Geert
I lost my mom a few years ago and have felt overwhelming guilt for not spending more time with her. Ironically, I lived next door to her, spoke with her daily for most of my life, and visited her frequently. In many ways, she was my best friend. Still, all I could think about was that I should have spent even more time with her. Grief is hard to explain or anticipate. While I still have those feelings, they have become less intense and frequent over time, though I don’t think they will ever completely disappear.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 6:13 am to Geert
quote:
Just lost a family member after a long drawn out death in hospice. Head is spinning. More so for his immediate family (adult children/spouse/siblings). Anyone care to share what you experienced that you didn’t see coming after the death of a close loved one
Grief is dreadful and uncomfortable, but there is no healing without great. And without choosing reality.
And when grief hits you, allow it to hit you. Don't mask it and don't avoid it. Let it take over you. Give yourself enough time to process it, and accept it. But don't sit in it. You have to pick back up, and get yourself going again. Eventually, time will make your grief softer. And you will be okay.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 6:14 am to pakowitz
quote:
Depression
For a long time.
It can break a man.
Posted on 7/26/24 at 6:17 am to wallowinit
Same.
Griefshare.org has a great program that really helped me.
Griefshare.org has a great program that really helped me.
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