re: Toilet paper isn’t enough

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You're getting downvotes but I'll wipe til it looks clean then hit it with a wet wipe and BAM, there's more shite suddenly.

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Having a full beard down there doesn't help.

I think it means you're still shitting. You think you've stopped. It's so slow it's undetectable. But it's there. Inexorable.

Here's my trick. I usually don't get the call of nature until I am at work. I grab a few sheets of paper towels from break room and fold a couple times and put in my pocket. Then head for the bathroom. Once in there, I grab my nice folded paper towels and run water in sink on them until soaked. Ring out so it doesn't drip everywhere and then enter stall. I put the wet towel to the side somewhere and drop trow and take care of business. When done, courtesy flush and then wipe as clean as I can with TP. I then grab my nice wet towel and thoroughly clean the bomb doors. Another wipe to dry up and final flush. Clean as a whistle everytime. Give it a try. Alot of public restrooms have the heavy duty towels near the sink. Passing this strategy on to my kids.

You flinch paper towels down the toilet?

The TP at my school is so cheap, it rips when you pull on it. Every time I go to the bathroom, there are little pieces of paper on the floor.

I bring my own wipes.

Flushable wipes for the win

Venezuela is jealous.

Humans feces-droppings patterns can be complex algorithms.

For several years I have kind of accidentally on purpose been intermittently fasting and on a mostly paleo diet. Also, I road run around 30-45 minutes fairly hard usually in the early AM. My Poop would make a German Tootsie Roll machine proud in it’s uniformity, and it’s one time in the early morning every third (Turday!) or fourth days.

A close relative is an MD in Internal Med, I asked if that’s OK, and apparently it’s OK.

Probably 9 times out of 10, toilet paper is not needed but I always give it the old college try.

I know I’m going to shower soon too, so the pressure to deep clean is off.

I pity you Schmelzs who have to worry about shitting at work and elsewhere throughout the day on foreign turlets.

frick that.

Oh Lord! It’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way....

I'm in Asia working for a few months and most bathrooms have the bum gun. Not sure i can go back to anything else.

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Opiates

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Truth. You only go once per week and even though it feels like child birth there is usually no mess afterwards.

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A nice solid turd that drops with no real struggle is usually a 0-1 wiper that isn't gross at all.

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AKA The Clean Getaway.