re: The “never-stopping” lifestyle

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adulthood doesn’t have to mean burning the candle at both ends....

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yes, it does. Provide provide provide. that’s what men do

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I thrive in that environment. I stay engaged in something 17 hours a day and sleep the other 7

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I’m 32, married, 1 kid, have a corporate white collar salaried job.

It feels like I’m being squeezed from all angles. My work squeezes every ounce of mental energy I have and then some to keep up with the workload, often having to put in hours at home after I get the kid to sleep. My wife stays busy with a full time job and is involved in the community, so she’s often leaning on me to help with this or that in addition to my regular at-home responsibilities. In-laws want to get together all the time. If I can manage to find a couple hours to play 9 holes of golf, I know that’s 2 more hours of work/chores that I’m putting off for later. I get vacations, but just because I go on vacation the work doesn’t take a pause, it just accumulates and waits for me to get back.

I love my family, I like my job as much as someone can like a job, and I’m not unhappy. I’m just wondering is this what adulthood is supposed to be? I’m basically just a cog in the machinery endlessly spinning to keep things working, my mental health, personal interests/goals, and relaxation be damned?

I think this type of lifestyle is what often leads to divorce. People want their personal time back and want to have the sense that they are in control of their daily lives and aren’t simply just a cog in the machinery.

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Shite dude I'm 41 and do more than you.

In regards to your relationship fading, make purposeful and meaningful commitments to spend time together cutting out the other influences in your life.

The days of a man not having any household duties are over. Chores aren't difficult and your wife works just as hard as you. Be a good partner and do your part

Kids get easier as they age. Take your kid golfing with you or drop them off at grandma's for the morning

Been there..it doesn't have to be that way. Boundries or burnout. It is your choice.

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I make less money than I'm worth at my current job but I'm staying because I have Fridays off and the work doesn't follow me home on the weekends. I also get 3 weeks PTO and a week of sick that they don't mind me using. I had a job where I was stupid busy with no time to fart and I was miserable. I'd rather make less and have more free time.

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Exactly me.

I definitely make less than I should for this job, but the work/life benefits are good enough that the lower pay is tolerable.

I'd need a very substantial raise to move to a new company and give up those benefits. I've passed on a few opportunities recently because the monetary comp didn't outweigh the loss of my current work / life benefits.

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My work squeezes every ounce of mental energy I have and then some to keep up with the workload

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Without knowing the specifics of your circumstances, I can say without reservation that most of what we do is horseshite. I have a full day stretching ahead of me and maybe 5% means something. And that's on a good day.

Your employer will take as much as your are willing to give, as long as he deems you useful. Then he'll discard you. Look out for yourself, because nobody else is.

Step 1: Delegate your responsibilities to a subordinate

Step 2: Drink heavily

Step 3: ????

Step 4: Profit

In all seriousness, I was in the same boat about a year ago and it started taking a toll on my health. My actual advice would be the following:

Step 1: Demand a significant raise and start outsourcing things like mowing your grass and tedious chores (unless you like them). If you're going to be running ragged every day, enjoy your weekends and stop using your precious free time to do things you can pay a kid 10 bucks an hour to do.

Step 2: Set dank boundaries. I just stopped doing work after about 5:30pm and on weekends unless it was a true emergency and no one could really do anything about it or say anything. I realized that I cared way more than everyone else apparently did.

Step 3: Save, save, save and invest. I'm 31, but I'm shutting the rat race down sometime in my mid to late 40s and switching to part time. It makes it easier knowing that every day I am closer to critical mass and that daily high pressure situations are only temporary.

Step 4: Drink heavily.

Keeping that fry machine at just the right temperature is stressful, baw!

I was in your position at 30. Ended up leaving because I was headed down a dark path. Took 2 months off to “reset” and figure it out from there. Been happier ever since I’m a self employed role where I control my schedule. The earnings are starting to build up and so is my work load but it’s much more manageable and my wife is much happier that I am happier.

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Keeping that fry machine at just the right temperature is stressful, baw!

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Sounds a lot more stressful than my job to be honest