re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been

Another pretty embarrassing text story. I was with my now wife (no pics), but we were probably 2-3 months into dating at this point so puppy love was in full affect.

Well one evening I was on my way to Fourchon to head offshore. Was fairly new to this job, so I didn't know my boss too well and was obviously trying to be professional. As I head to the boat, they told us they were having some issues with the boat or something, so pushed departure to the next day.

I was texting my boss and gf separately back and forth, just talking about ETAs, job scope, etc. with boss, and new couple things with the gf. Well once I got the news about the boat, I decided to text my gf a selfie, with a sad face, and sad something along the lines of "come save me" well of course, it didn't go to my gf, went to my boss. My stomach dropped. He never responded which I'm not sure if that made it better or worse. I still cringe thinking about that.

This thread was gold.

A short but good one. Lived in BR and I was dating a slightly bigger girl (no shame). She was moving into a house and was talking about going to get new furniture.

I said, “Hell, I’ll go with you. We can go up to Lane Bryant.”

Obviously Lane was the name of the furniture store I was intending to say. Not plus sized womens clothing store, Lane Bryant

When I was 19, I was in the Air Force stationed in Germany. Was out at a club with some friends and we're at the bar and I'm pretty hammered at this point. I needed to use the restroom which was all the way across the club and I needed to cross the dance floor to get there. I make my way there and I'm in the middle of the dance floor and I see someone I recognize in the distance. I give him a head nod, he gives me one. I continue my way to the restroom and the guy is continuing in my direction. I throw up a deuce, he does the same.

Boom, I run into him. "Oh, my bad" I say and I step over to get around him. Boom, run into him again. "Yo, watch out" I tell him. Boom, this fricker will not move. So, I yell

YO! MOVE a-hole!

Some girl taps me on the shoulder and says "Hey, you ok?"

I look forward and I walked straight into a fricking mirror.

I also asked this hot, deaf chick online what type of music she listened to and she reminded me she was deaf. My next question to her was "Oh, can I call you?"

quote:

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Wanted to make a grand entrance to a backyard party by jumping off the house butt naked into a pool. But slipped and fell on the roof and slid down the composition shingles scratching me all up and landing on my back on the cement in the backyard. Everyone thought I was dead. But only inside

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Another....I wasn't embarrassed but my wife was mortified. Before we married, we had to do Pre-Cana(Catholic) classes. We get to one class and there's a ton of people and we're sitting in a room in seats classroom style. The priest leading the class says "oh no, oh no, I don't like this..let's move our chairs and sit in a circle."

So the priest is in the middle of the circle and he says, "I want to go around the room and everyone needs to say their first name and tell us about their religious life growing up. Did you go to church? Did you read the bible, etc etc". He points to me first so I decide to kind of break the ice and say "Hi, I'm cheobode. We went to church faithfully every Sunday and if we behaved, we got donuts after".

One guy smiled and put his head down and his girlfriend nudged him. Everyone else looked like a deer in headlights. My soon to be wife was pissed. The priest said "Wow..ok. We're going to need everyone to take this seriously."

During the break, she started arguing with me about it. We actually argued for days after about it. Funny thing, the priest never called on me again and my wife(who HATES speaking in public) was asked 4-5 questions.

Now that we aren't practicing Catholics, she thinks it's funny now and tells the story to everyone.

I'm dying laughing reading these and, of course, I remember more stories.

In kindergarten, I forgot to bring my money for the book fair. It was due that morning. The teacher asked if maybe my sister had it and I just shrugged. She told me to go to the 4th grade class and ask her. So I'm walking down the hall and I start crying. Everyone is doing the pledge of allegiance and I'm just balling my eyes out in front of the 4th grade class. The teacher stops the class she finally gets me to calm down to see what I need. Then I see my mom walking in the school with my money.

In 2nd grade, I needed the bathroom after lunch recess. The teacher forbid me to go. I pissed right there in my seat, through my clothes. The girl next to me said "um, there's water leaking from cheobode's desk". The teacher then said "oh why didn't you ask me to go?" Bitch.

Also in 2nd grade, we were taking the LEAP tests and we're at recess. My friend and I are running near the flagpole playing tag. I do a spin around the pole and try to tag my friend and I end up slapping a female classmate in the cooch. She just said HEY! and I ran away. My friend told me I was probably getting in trouble. We go back to class and the teacher used to move our desks all over the room during LEAP so I'm looking at the girl I popped in her privates and she raises her hand and I start crying "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Yeah, her fricking pencil broke and she was asking the teacher for another.

Guy on our baseball teams mom had died a few days earlier. Team goes to funeral and everything. He was a big Cubs fan, and at the next practice to break the ice everyone is ragging on him because the Cubs lost badly to the Braves. Now, I'm a huge Reds fan, and he asks me,"Who beat your Reds last night?". I respond with,"your mom". You should've seen the look on his face. All the other players around has this "did he just say that?" look on their faces. There was awkward silence, and I quickly said," the Padres stomped them man". I kind of just walked off and felt like dog crap.

I was at a football camp in Mississippi my freshman year and had explosive diarrhea in the woods bc there was no toilet available. Literally shite in these peoples backyard. I had to wipe with my underwear. We wore terrycloth shorts. Word spread quickly … as we were about to stretch for our first 7 on 7 game the coach says “Alright guys gets loose… Hoyt I hear you’re already pretty loose”