re: Taking the car keys away from your parents

Not sure there is a "best way" and there damn sure is not an easy way to handle this.
We had to do this with my mom several years ago and there was a lot of crying, a little bit of elevated voice (from her) but in the end we got her to agree, but there was a compromise. She lived in a very small rural town with a US highway going thru it. She could drive to the post office, DG, etc, but could not drive on or drive across the US hwy.

Good luck, most of all..........................................patience

My dad's driving has scared my mom so badly that she almost peed.

Same thing happened to my mother in law and we disconnected the battery to her car and just told her we were going to get it fixed. Never did and she forgot all about it as the disease progressed. Never had to have a conversation about it.

We went through this with my dad last year. He had already been in a dementia spiral since taking the Pfizer vaccine in early 2021, but I digress.

He actually got in a 1-car wreck before we got the keys away from him. Ultimately, his PCP told him he can no longer drive. That was the only person he'd listen to.

When my grandmother got to that point, I pulled the coil wire out, so the car wouldn’t start. She couldn’t start it, I came over to start it. So my Mom took her where she had to go. I replaced the coil wire drove it off. Sold the car, told her it would cost too much for repairs.

Can she afford another car?

If no, Take them without telling her one day and just sell the car. Tell her it was stolen

If yes, take them without telling her and then wait for her to say she lost the keys then use that event as a way to say maybe it’s time to stop, if she argues everytime she goes to the bathroom or leaves a room rearrange some things before she comes back and then act concerned and slightly indignant when she points out the things you moved. Tell her it’s always been that way and if she doesn’t remember that maybe she shouldn’t be driving either.

We had to just jump in the car and take my mother when she felt she needed to go somewhere. Usually just drive around for 10 minutes and come back home. After a while she would just forget. Lots of times we would say her car was in the shop.

quote:

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if she argues everytime she goes to the bathroom or leaves a room rearrange some things before she comes back and then act concerned and slightly indignant when she points out the things you moved. Tell her it’s always been that way and if she doesn’t remember that maybe she shouldn’t be driving either.

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Damn baw. This is pretty devious. Making them believe their memory is worse than it actually is?

We got lucky with this. The ophthalmologist told my Dad that he just didn't have the peripheral vision to responsibly drive anymore. He didn't like it, but accepted it.