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re: Starting Over After Divorce
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:06 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:06 am to Nelson Biederman IV
I went through a similar deal but at an older age and with more children.
I’m still finding my way a bit. I’ve dated occasionally, but the reality is it’s hard. I was dating a nice woman for a couple weeks, but there was something “off” about it. The longer I’m single (it’s been 7+ years now) the more set in my single ways I am.
I do more hunting and fishing now which is good and am planning on taking two elk hunts in 2025 instead of my usual 1, that shite would never happened married.
Each person going through it is going to have their own experience. You need to find yours and not worry about what others advise.
I’m still finding my way a bit. I’ve dated occasionally, but the reality is it’s hard. I was dating a nice woman for a couple weeks, but there was something “off” about it. The longer I’m single (it’s been 7+ years now) the more set in my single ways I am.
I do more hunting and fishing now which is good and am planning on taking two elk hunts in 2025 instead of my usual 1, that shite would never happened married.
Each person going through it is going to have their own experience. You need to find yours and not worry about what others advise.
1
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:10 am to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
Nelson Biederman IV
You'll be fine baw...however, your sons life will forever be damaged.
And I say this as someone who's parents split before I can remember them being together.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:14 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Started over at 41
Let yourself mourn the loss but at some point, you’ll come out ok.
Focus on the child & don’t downgrade the former spouse. It’ll pay off when they’re older.
Let yourself mourn the loss but at some point, you’ll come out ok.
Focus on the child & don’t downgrade the former spouse. It’ll pay off when they’re older.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:18 am to tadman
quote:
Do *NOT* start dating within at least a year. I don't know your personality, but I don't even know I'd even try to start rutting before then. You will try to attach your emotional needs to almost anyone you need
im sorry but i think this is terrible advice.
i do agree needs to focus on his son, needs to get his arse in shape, focus on his job but wtf ....yall expect the man to be celibate for a year?
what yall think he is just gonna jack off for a year? good way to end up depressed as frick, alcoholic addicted to porn
you get over her by getting under hotter randoms for the next year. I agree with nothing serious for a year but frick not dating at all
yea lets literally waste a year of time living alone, being by yourself when you are used to having family around at all times....sounds like a great way to end up depressed AF.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:23 am to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
Buddy, there’s a reason I’m only asking about this one aspect of moving on. I was in a relationship with his mother for 14 years and was desperately trying to spend the rest of my life unhappy so that he would have an intact family. I obsess over how this will affect him. I just wanted to hear some stories.
If you've been with her that long, and it was obviously a very rocky relationship. Why in the frick did you have a child?
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:42 am to Nelson Biederman IV
You’re young and getting back into another relationship should be a very low priority right now. Realize that you can’t control how your wife lives her life. There will likely be a series of “uncles” who she will have relationships with and you need to be emotionally ready for that. She might want to move so be prepared for how you’ll respond to that.
People say to fight for joint custody but you might end up like me and your ex will give you full custody and be a mom when it’s convenient. Get the alcohol out of the house and start exercising, especially outdoors. Come up with a plan for your kid - what vacations you’d like to take together at different ages, start a college savings plan, etc. and you’ll feel like you have structure and goals.
Your life isn’t the one you planned but it’s the one you have.
People say to fight for joint custody but you might end up like me and your ex will give you full custody and be a mom when it’s convenient. Get the alcohol out of the house and start exercising, especially outdoors. Come up with a plan for your kid - what vacations you’d like to take together at different ages, start a college savings plan, etc. and you’ll feel like you have structure and goals.
Your life isn’t the one you planned but it’s the one you have.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:46 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Divorced in my early 40s and took over full custody of my two daughters who were 15 and 11 at the time. First 6 months to a year was all about getting into a routine that worked for us. No dating at all that I can recall. At some point I tried online dating and ended up having a bunch of short term relationships with a few longer ones mixed in. The majority of the girls were in their 20's. I missed the ex for a while but, didn't realize how much more peaceful my household was until she and the constant bickering were gone. Getting on a good routine is the key. And get your arse in shape.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:46 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
The longer I’m single (it’s been 7+ years now) the more set in my single ways I am.
Same with me except I have no kids. I'm perfectly ok with being single - actually, i prefer being single. #1 thing is you have to be good with YOU. I'm getting ready to build another house and i couldn't be happier.
Just have to make sure that you have a few single women that are friends you can hang out with and you won't miss a beat.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:49 am to TDsngumbo
quote:
Don’t let the old man in.
especially after jody already let himself in.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:51 am to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
I mean in my mind I’m settled down. I’m a homebody. I go to bed early. I mostly just work and my only hobby is hunting. I’m an old man
This may be one of your issues and I am sure she has hers too. Stop thinking you're old and live life. I started over at 35 and it's been great. It's even better than what I had before.
The kid issue will always suck and hopefully you two are amicable and will do the best for your son. Just remember, your relationship is between you two and it failed because of the both of you. I never talked ill will towards my ex with my daughters around, but I can't say the same for her. Luckily they mature and figure it out if you always remain constant in their life.
Good luck, but this can be as good or bad as you want it to be, depends on which wolf you feed more.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:55 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Without reading 6 pages of replies, I'd say #1 is for you to get a paternity test. Not kidding, not trolling. Make sure that child is yours. With all the shite I've seen through the years that others have endured, you need to be sure. None of this "I just know" crap. Get that done, then come back and tell us the results, then we can give you better advice.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:55 am to Nelson Biederman IV
I went through the same thing about 10 years ago. Step 1 is to work on you. You can't change her, or anyone else for that matter, but you can work on things in your own life you can control, like being a good father.
As for getting back out there, that's totally up to you and the results of your introspective look at what you want to get out of life. Honestly, it's an opportunity for you to make sure your life going forward is productive and fulfilling.
The last thing I'll say is one of my favorite quotes about life and how things change. "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."
As for getting back out there, that's totally up to you and the results of your introspective look at what you want to get out of life. Honestly, it's an opportunity for you to make sure your life going forward is productive and fulfilling.
The last thing I'll say is one of my favorite quotes about life and how things change. "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:56 am to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
Again, be very cautious of who you date. Theres a common saying that the first breakup after a divorce is the hardest. It's true in my experience. I would've been better off not dating for as long as I could.
There is so much truth to this, it's ridiculous.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 10:58 am to WonPercent
Why do so many say to "get your arse in shape" when he mentioned nothing about being fat and out of shape?
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:00 am to back9Tiger
I’ve been married for 24 years so I cannot relate….but have noticed through my friends both younger and older that some people are comfortable doing their own thing and some have a relentless drive to be with somebody. I could image going through this later in life would be difficult if a person is the latter personality.
It does seem though that guys comfortable in their own skin being alone for stretches of time seem to fall into better situations than those that force the issue.
It does seem though that guys comfortable in their own skin being alone for stretches of time seem to fall into better situations than those that force the issue.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:01 am to Tigers4Lyfe
"Why do so many say to "get your arse in shape" when he mentioned nothing about being fat and out of shape?"
OP said he's a homebody and his only hobby is hunting. I put 2 and 2 together.
OP said he's a homebody and his only hobby is hunting. I put 2 and 2 together.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:03 am to Tigers4Lyfe
quote:
Why do so many say to "get your arse in shape" when he mentioned nothing about being fat and out of shape?
because most married man are fat AF. part of the reason many end up divorced. like it or not, the stats show that
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:06 am to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
It’s a long story and way too many details
Well you're in luck, because I have all day.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:08 am to Tigers4Lyfe
quote:divorced 36 year old...
Why do so many say to "get your arse in shape" when he mentioned nothing about being fat and out of shape?
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:08 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Doing it now. You don’t have to start a new family or even get married again. Just focus on kids and yourself. If you want a girlfriend then go for it. Start your own routine and when the time comes (no pun intended) go get laid.
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