Relationship troubles? 5 solutions within.

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off! All it does is allow for Jody to slip in the back door, literally and figuratively.

2. Do not encourage talk about the future. They don't want to think about a future with you at the moment, so stay clear of that subject.

3. Do not ask for help from family members or friends. Don't discuss private matters with them that would upset your spouse. Quite frankly, this place and specifically this forum is actually your best landing spot to seek advice.

4. Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) Remember the guy's name in rule # 1. He's always there. The question is, will your actions push your spouse to answer the phone or respond to a text?

5. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. Do not interrupt them when they are speaking and stop what you may be working on to look at them when they talk. This shows them that you really care about what they are saying.

And if some or none of this shite works, because you're dealing with a woman, meat me tonight at The Penthouse Club. I'll be there shortly after 9, upstairs in a private room. I go by the name of Randy West and would love the company and will buy the first round.

I already know Walt will be there.