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Started By
Message
re: Question for fathers of the OT
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:37 am to Paddyshack
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:37 am to Paddyshack
quote:
Probably so but I was assuming a lot of the fathers on here would have been through similar shite and would factor that into their response.
Maybe i'm just naive, but it's not common to have 3 divorces, and 3 kids with 2 wives.
Your situation is almost identical to my wife's father, although she was the oldest. He's had 3 or 4 divorces, 3 kids (that we know of) with 3 different women. I would say without a doubt that he would tell his kids to not have children, and if he could go back in time, he'd have never slept with my wifes mom.
He's paid child support for 3 different kids for going on 20 years now.
He's a selfish POS and probably could have been a good father if he wanted to, but he'd rather go do things like the red dress run as a 45 year old instead of coming to his grandchildren's birthday, and he has always been more interested in finding new women to stick his dick into instead of raising the little girl he had when he was 18, and at no point has that mindset stopped since she was born until now. At no point has he ever put my wife before himself or even the wives and girlfriends he's had.
Your father sounds similar to this man, and that's not a good thing if you ask me. Although he's closer to his two boys than he is to my wife. He might not regret having 1 of his 3 kids, but i'd bet money if he could change the past he wouldn't have had my wife, and he wouldn't have had the last boy. And he would without a doubt say what your dad told you.
You're dad is likely telling you not to make the same mistakes he made, he just did it in a terrible way.
1
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:41 am to TeddyPadillac
quote:
He's a selfish POS and probably could have been a good father if he wanted to
There lies the difference. My dad is he most selfless person when it comes to his wife and kids. and he couldn't be farther from being a POS. Always been a great father, even in the most difficult of times.
ETA: thanks for the anecdote. Very glad that my father is not like your FIL.
This post was edited on 12/22/15 at 8:42 am
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:44 am to Paddyshack
quote:
If you read the entire thread, including my responses to some of these questions, it would become obvious. I know what I know.
Not doing that. Don't care.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:45 am to trom83
quote:
Your father sounds like a shitty person
That's not for you to decide. Thanks for your input. Doubt you're even a father which would DQ you like the woman who tried to chime in earlier.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:45 am to Paddyshack
quote:
There lies the difference. My dad is he most selfless person when it comes to his wife and kids. and he couldn't be farther from being a POS. Always been a great father, even in the most difficult of times.
Why has he been divorced 3 times if he's so selfless when it comes to his wife? Are the women he's with that terrible?
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:46 am to Artie Rome
quote:
Not doing that. Don't care.
Then GTFO?
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:49 am to TeddyPadillac
quote:
Why has he been divorced 3 times if he's so selfless when it comes to his wife? Are the women he's with that terrible?
First wife not sure. only lasted six months and was before I was born. He and my mother divorced when I was 3 and I cannot ever picture them together in retrospect. My stepmom is going through a midlife crisis, and yes she is that terrible. I truly feel sorry for my old man.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:51 am to Paddyshack
I hate my kids. Little frickers are the worst ever.
This post was edited on 12/22/15 at 8:57 am
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:52 am to Paddyshack
I have 4 biological kids and 2 step kids. My wife and I adopted 2 kids 6 years ago. Every one of them is a blessing. They range from 8 years to 50 years old. I cannot imagine anything more rewarding.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:53 am to Rockbrc
quote:
Every one of them is a blessing. They range from 8 years to 50 years old.
Crazy yet pretty frickin cool. Cheers to you mate
Posted on 12/22/15 at 8:55 am to Paddyshack
quote:
There lies the difference. My dad is he most selfless person when it comes to his wife and kids. and he couldn't be farther from being a POS. Always been a great father, even in the most difficult of times.
These 2 things do not compute. Saying what is claimed in the OP and this does not compute. As a father you either do not feel that way, or you lie to your son about it. Unless he's just really worried about you knocking someone up?
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:05 am to LSU alum wannabe
I don't understand what does not compute. He is very selfless. I nor my siblings have ever gone without anything and my stepmom has never worked a day in her life. He has dedicated everything to us (not me so much anymore because I am older). But ive seen what he has gone thru and it is more than understandable why he might feel that way. Read from page 4 and it should compute.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:23 am to Paddyshack
From what you've said about your father, it seems like what he should have said would have more to do with women than kids, yet he told you not to have kids, which is just a shitty thing to say.
Had he said finding the right women to have kids with can be difficult and to make sure you find the right one before you think about having kids, i'd understand, given his past, but what he said to you does not make sense considering it didn't have anything to do with women being women, at least it doesn't make sense to me reading this story on the internet. Just saying it how i'm interpreting it.
Had he said finding the right women to have kids with can be difficult and to make sure you find the right one before you think about having kids, i'd understand, given his past, but what he said to you does not make sense considering it didn't have anything to do with women being women, at least it doesn't make sense to me reading this story on the internet. Just saying it how i'm interpreting it.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:27 am to TeddyPadillac
quote:
yet he told you not to have kids
No, he didn't. And nowhere on here did I put that. He has never told me not to or insisted that I didn't. He has known for a while that I want kids and he knows whatever he says will likely have little impact on me determining whether or not to have kids.
I do agree with you on the picking the right woman part. He failed miserably in that department. Not with my mom because she is a saint but definitely regarding my stepmom.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:27 am to Paddyshack
Paddyshack, what exactly are you trying to ask the forum? Are you wanting us to read your father's mind and try to tell you what he was thinking when he suggested it?
If you want kids then get on the path to having them. If your dad don't approve, screw him. But there was 2 very good bits of advice that you can take from this thread unless your just trolling for reactions. One was the real long thread on page 2 or 3 about being ready and making sacrifices such as going to ballerina show and skipping football and fishing on a Saturday. That was a very good read. The second was my post.
If you are confused or hurt by what your dad said, then you need to have a talk with him and figure out exactly what he means and learn how to deal with it. If he means he doesn't think you would be a good father, prove him wrong if that's what you want to do. If he means kids are more trouble and time then they are worth (at least to some people), that's the same thing I'm telling you and it's fact of life compared to not having them, but no one else here who's had kids is going to say it. If he means he doesn't want grand kids, then don't take them around him when you have them. Don't allow him to get emotionally or financially involved. But if you are this concerned and confused by what he said get clarification. We can't read your father's mind and we don't have any idea what he said what he said but that's the question you are actually asking us.
And one more bit of advice. If you think you want a family and happy stable household don't try to marry some woman that a lot of other men are pursuing because of her looks. Get some average run of the mill girl with a few pounds on her, a brain, and tolerable personality that doesn't have to worry about being hit on the minute she steps out of the house. You be the pinnacle man she's ever going to find, not the other way around.
If you want kids then get on the path to having them. If your dad don't approve, screw him. But there was 2 very good bits of advice that you can take from this thread unless your just trolling for reactions. One was the real long thread on page 2 or 3 about being ready and making sacrifices such as going to ballerina show and skipping football and fishing on a Saturday. That was a very good read. The second was my post.
If you are confused or hurt by what your dad said, then you need to have a talk with him and figure out exactly what he means and learn how to deal with it. If he means he doesn't think you would be a good father, prove him wrong if that's what you want to do. If he means kids are more trouble and time then they are worth (at least to some people), that's the same thing I'm telling you and it's fact of life compared to not having them, but no one else here who's had kids is going to say it. If he means he doesn't want grand kids, then don't take them around him when you have them. Don't allow him to get emotionally or financially involved. But if you are this concerned and confused by what he said get clarification. We can't read your father's mind and we don't have any idea what he said what he said but that's the question you are actually asking us.
And one more bit of advice. If you think you want a family and happy stable household don't try to marry some woman that a lot of other men are pursuing because of her looks. Get some average run of the mill girl with a few pounds on her, a brain, and tolerable personality that doesn't have to worry about being hit on the minute she steps out of the house. You be the pinnacle man she's ever going to find, not the other way around.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:38 am to carguymatt
Im not asking anyone to read his mind. I was simply asking how many fathers would suggest to their children that having children is not as great as they may think. I appreciate all of the feedback and I now know he is in the minority. But what he said is not a knock on me because he and I both know I would be a good father.
I understand why he has this opinion. Ive seen it develop over the last 5 years. But it doesn't mean in any way that he regrets his 3 children because I know that he does not. These reasons and external reasons (societal and cultural changes and unpredictability, the state of our country/world, etc.) are also factors to consider when bringing a kid into this world. I don't understand why people are so fixated on bashing my dad when I was asking for others opinions. The relationship I have with my father is fantastic and I would have it no other way.
I understand why he has this opinion. Ive seen it develop over the last 5 years. But it doesn't mean in any way that he regrets his 3 children because I know that he does not. These reasons and external reasons (societal and cultural changes and unpredictability, the state of our country/world, etc.) are also factors to consider when bringing a kid into this world. I don't understand why people are so fixated on bashing my dad when I was asking for others opinions. The relationship I have with my father is fantastic and I would have it no other way.
This post was edited on 12/22/15 at 9:56 am
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:50 am to Paddyshack
quote:
Paddyshack, what exactly are you trying to ask the forum? Are you wanting us to read your father's mind and try to tell you what he was thinking when he suggested it?
It seems as though Paddy is trying to decipher through the convoluted messages his dad shared with him. In that, also needing reassurance his father doesn't regret the birth of his own children. You only poll fathers on a question like this because you need questions answered to why he thinks way.
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:53 am to Paddyshack
The world would be a better place if fewer people had kids
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:55 am to Paddyshack
No your father did not forbid you from having kids but told you many times you're "crazy" to want kids?
I do not know his motivation for saying that. Maybe it's context? How old are you? Are you a poon-slayer and he I wondering why at say 21 (random age pulled from my arse) you want to frick that up and tie yourself down? But for your whole life?
Your dad still married to your mom? If not was a divorce your moms fault? Cheating? Substance abuse? Or did your mom pass?
Maybe he says it as a joke? Maybe to make sure you know a kid will not solve anything.
But to tell your son who wants kids one day, no, kids suck?
I do not know his motivation for saying that. Maybe it's context? How old are you? Are you a poon-slayer and he I wondering why at say 21 (random age pulled from my arse) you want to frick that up and tie yourself down? But for your whole life?
Your dad still married to your mom? If not was a divorce your moms fault? Cheating? Substance abuse? Or did your mom pass?
Maybe he says it as a joke? Maybe to make sure you know a kid will not solve anything.
But to tell your son who wants kids one day, no, kids suck?
Posted on 12/22/15 at 9:59 am to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
But to tell your son who wants kids one day, no, kids suck?
This is when I cant take you seriously. He never said that. Lots of twisting of my words going on in this thread, as expected.
quote:
he I wondering why at say 21 (random age pulled from my arse) you want to frick that up and tie yourself down?
Plausible for sure. 21 was when he started saying these things.
quote:
Your dad still married to your mom?
No divorced when I was 3. Cannot picture them together but they get along with each other and always have for my sake which I greatly appreciate.
quote:
Maybe he says it as a joke? Maybe to make sure you know a kid will not solve anything.
Very plausible he says it half-jokingly.
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