re: Question for fathers of the OT

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I just think it's how he gets his point across to me about the seriousness of having kids.

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Yeah but man, there's no filter, and then there's just WTF. Your dad wandered into wtf territory. He seems to insist that you never have kids, that's just a gigantic step into the none of your damn business zone, regardless of his feelings.

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Paddyshack

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I would say in about 80% of the cases, a father may regret having a child due to the added difficulty of leaving the child's mother if they are married. A troubled marriage doesn't get better after having a child. Perhaps your father didn't/doesn't have a solid relationship with your mother? Others are just selfish and once a child is born, they realize that all the money they spent on themselves now finds it's way to the child and that could build resentment.

As far as the question, I would NEVER tell me son that having a child is overrated. I would tell him to make sure that he is financially, emotionally, and physically ready to be a father. If any of those three are faltering, don't commit.

I can see not having children (not me personally, but I can see people making that decision), but I can't see ever regretting it or wishing I wouldn't have after having one. Or even giving advice not to. I've got a 15 month old boy and as much of a pain as it is to wake up at 3 a.m. sometimes, I can't wait to get back from work most days. Even if he wants nothing to do with me and just wants to run around trying to break expensive stuff .

Wife and I are talking about having a second. Going to really suck to have to pay for a second kid in daycare. I really wouldn't mind waiting just a little bit. But if she was pregnant, money and anything else would be the last thing on my mind. I would be more than happy to have another one.

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I really think a lot stems from 3 divorces, 3 kids with 2 different wives, paying child support for 15 years for me and about to do it again probably, the kids being used as leverage by my stepmom, and my little brother causing him serious grief through the past 4 years.

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That can take a real toll on a man. I can speak on this as I've had 2 divorces and 3 children combined as a result from those. All 3 were/are blessings for which I will do anything in the world. It sounds to me like the real issue he has is the women he chose...I know that is my real issue.

It is weird because sometimes you find yourself thinking "I wish I would have never met that bitch." and then you realize if you hadn't, I wouldn't have the beautiful, smart, successful children I have.

But no fricking way would I ever tell my sons or my daughter to not have kids, consider vasectomies at 18, etc...or whatever.

What I WOULD and DO stress is to be very smart when choosing your mate and do everything in your power to make it work with that person through the good times and the bad.

Maybe he looks around at how the world is evolving today to give you this advice. I have 3 kids, a teenager and 2-8 year olds. ZERO regrets.

When you have your first child, your dad will be beside himself with happiness and pride. Even more than he is with you and your siblings.
Grandparents will take a bullet for their kids, but they'd die for their grandkids.

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Thanks for a serious reply and for staying on topic rather than bashing my dad lol. But no I don't personally have a disability or anything of the sort. I really think a lot stems from 3 divorces, 3 kids with 2 different wives, paying child support for 15 years for me and about to do it again probably, the kids being used as leverage by my stepmom, and my little brother causing him serious grief through the past 4 years. He's had a rough go which is why I say it's understandable and I don't hold it against him. Although like I said, I know his opinion may be unpopular

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I'm assuming if you would've put this in your OP people wouldn't have been questioning your dad's character.

Probably so but I was assuming a lot of the fathers on here would have been through similar shite and would factor that into their response. It's not so hard to see why he might feel that way, is it? Like I said I don't blame him or anyone who looks back and says "well maybe I would have done some things differently" I feel like it's human nature to question the decisions you made in the past that got you where you are today.

Paddyshack any father you ask the question too is going to say something a long the lines of "yes it's great", then explain why. It would be blasphemous if they didn't. Where is your father coming from in his theory?

Here's what I think. Kids these days are very poor investments and having them by many 20-40 year old's thinking's these days is trending to be the outcast thing to do. Just like 30 years ago a person was an outcast if he was gay. Now they are thought of by and large as just as normal as straight people. Let's suppose you found a wife and you knew the relationship was going to last happily ever after. The thing is you don't know, and chances are it won't. Then when you start raising the kid out of 2 broken homes things get much more complicated for you, their mother, both or your next relationships, and your child(ren) most of all. Not too mention, have you thought about what kind of shape this country may be in in by the time your kids are retirement age? Health care? violence? Economy? It's not going to be good.

When you look at all that in totality and consider the child may turn out be be a criminal, a drug user, a drunk, have serious medical issues, mental health issues, with most likely a 50% probability on some form or combination of that, having children is a very very poor investment and waste of time statistically speaking.

It's a lot easier to understand why he would feel this way now. Obviously he loves his kids, but I'm sure they've been used against him in more ways than one. He might have also seen the pain they have suffered through in the midst of divorce. Hopefully, I will never have to deal with divorce. I couldn't imagine not seeing my two boys everyday.

If you read the entire thread, including my responses to some of these questions, it would become obvious. I know what I know.