re: Prayers needed….any words of encouragement or advice.

Very sorry for your loss. I pray that you hang in there and do the best you can for yourself and the kids. I hope all the amazing memories eventually bring more joy than sadness.

Take care and keep reaching out and talking.

They are strong, tough.I know everyone says they have the best kids but they have been amazing. They are constantly worried about me and asking me how I am doing. I just tell them all the time. That I love them and that everything will be ok.

Just now seeing your post brother! Let me extend my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Also I know I’m just some random stranger on a message board but maybe I can be helpful with my words.

At 37 I was blessed with my first and only child, a baby girl. Let’s just say I had some innate parental skills but from day 1 what abilities I did have were disrupted right off the top by her Mom who struggled with substance addiction. Even then as a 37 year old man I was in over my head a bit with a brand new baby girl to tend to. I did get full custody of my daughter for her sake early on due to the checkered past of her Mom and got us both out of the situation. Fortunately my parents were retired and willing to circle the wagons with me for my girl’s sake. I moved in with them. Wasn’t a great situation for me BUT weighing the options it was by far best for her.

My daughter’s Mom eventually passed away from her struggles when she was almost 4 but my Mom had done great work in her life filling in the gap as the Motherly type figure for her. Of course it wasn’t the same as having her Mom, youthful and all, but we surrounded her with love and stability and made do with what we had to work with.

In 2017 when my daughter was 7, my Mom got leukemia and passed. The loss was and has been staggering. She brought a lot to the table and in particular with the role of a Mom-figure helping my daughter study for school and such. I gotta say what my Mom, myself, and my Dad accomplished in those 7 years as a team was enough to set the right course for her in life. My daughter now is 12. She is smart and well adjusted. She has already achieved a good bit, been saved as a Christian, and is able to articulate her views, conservative views. I have been blessed in so many ways with her in the face of some crappy odds hurled at the situation.

I say that to try to give you encouragement for your kids. I hope you have a good support system available. I pray this is the case. My advice is to try to find some stability as I did, even if it requires you sacrificing for your kids’ sake. Absolutely get that back up support where you can. Be honest with them about the situation, don’t hide things but of course make things age appropriate as well. If you can, raise them in faith and tap into that support system as well. Pray hard! Take time with them. Assure them that this generally is a rare thing to lose a parent so young.

I know you’re heartbroken now. Take your time to heal. Eventually the fog will lift to let you breathe a bit. Live for your kids and let them know you’re there for them. Your mind will go to dark places, it’s normal. I know some of my worst times grieving my Mom passing was not having that close person like a spouse that I could go cry with and grieve with…that sucked and by definition you don’t have that contemporary person now either to grieve in a proper manner with. That part sucks but grind through it and grieve as you’re able. Also know that you’ll have some dark moments wishing your wife could be there to see your kids grow up. That’s expected, and normal but not easy to deal with. I must say that’s one of the hardest parts to get through and it doesn’t go away. God bless you and please keep us posted on your journey in this as that can hopefully help others as I hope mine helps you move forward.

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain and loss. Sending a big hug to you and your children. Keep reaching out to talk, cry, scream… whatever. I will hold you close in my prayers.

I don’t know you but I love you bro


Can’t imagine

Prayers to you and yours.

God bless you and your family. Have Faith.

quote:

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Today was the first time that I went into the room where I found her. I laid in our bed for the first time since.I just laid there and I can still smell her. I cried like I have never before, I guess it was a release that I needed. I have been avoiding the room. Today something told me to go in there. I sat in the spot that I found her. Told her I love her and to please watch after our children and myself.

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Fantastic step that you've made. My wife passed away at the age of 30 in 2014. I avoided the places we frequented for quite a while. Eventually things change. As I went back to "our places," my thoughts went from sad, to bittersweet, to happy memories. I did the single dad duty for a while, and honestly my daughter is the reason I was able to keep it together. You stay strong for your kids because, well, that's just what you do.

It will take a while before you make major decisions for the course of your life. There are definitely many ways you can chose to go. You just have to make sure whatever course you take is good for both you and your kids. I probably don't come off as the most pious man to many people but my faith has definitely deepened. I pray at least once daily and I know that that practice has definitely brought me peace.

I personally decided to enter the dating pool again after a few years. In my younger days, I wasn't really sure I'd be able to find one woman I could build a life with. Now I'm married to another amazing woman and I have another daughter. I consider myself unbelievably blessed.

Rough times are without a doubt ahead. Stay the course, keep the faith, and things WILL get better.

I believe more good times are ahead than bad. You just have to be ready to embrace those good times.

Thanks for the updates. Reading the messages reminded me of my Mom.

Her Dad died during the depression, when she was only 12. She had four younger siblings. Family filled in as needed.

Years later she asked her Mom how she did it all. The reply was a simple "I did what I had to do."

My Mom grew up to be a great lady, mother and wife. Although, she seemed a little insecure at times. I suspect from the trauma. My Dad was her rock. He died 30 years ago today.

Prayers for you guys!

There is nothing that anyone can say right now that will bring relief, and anything offered will seem trite or clichéd. Nevertheless, I’ll pray for you and your family that God makes his presence known to you in a deep way in your most trying hours.