re: Posters that have lost multiple parents (yours or in-laws)... a question

my in laws both passed within a year of each other. My MIL was a hoarder by any standard but happened to live in a 9,000 sq foot house so the crap was spread out more. I single handedly organized that crap while my husband and his sister spent days going through old photos and arguing about art. My goal was one thing: separate anything of value from the junk. I was probably the only person who could do this dispassionately. Any old halloween masks from the 1970's -gone, 8 different VHS players-gone, sacks of horse feed (was gonna donate, but they were infested with mice dead and alive)-gone. An entire room with every florist vase they ever had delivered-gone. You get the idea. Second step, if you live out of state: Call Everything But the House. You will get fricked but they will come take it all away and auction it for you. Third step: as friends and family stop by, let them know that anything remaining is theirs for the taking. I had to find homes for a dog and three cats, I hope you aren't in that position. Then rent a dumpster for remaining items, hire a real estate agent who can advise you on staging the home. Sell as quickly as possible so as to not ding the estate for any carrying costs of home ownership.


It wasn't fun, but my best advise is to accept the help of friends. Especially any that may not be invested in the memories of the estate and can objectively sort and deal with stuff.


My parents are alive and getting old. But not only do they have their finances in lock down order, but they own like two shirts and three pairs of shoes between them. They even kept their walls white so I wouldn't have to worry about paint colors when I sell. I swear they wake up thinking about ways to streamline their own deaths.

Gotta be over 3 million to pay property taxes fyi

Lost my Mom in September of 22 and my Father in May of 23. Neither shared enough information with me. As an only child I was pretty much on my own in trying to discover what was left.

My Mom had a notebook full of accounts and passwords, half of which didn’t work. Neither had a Last Will and Testament, at least one I ever located.

Shortly after her passing I did receive a phone call from her employer telling me I was listed as the beneficiary on her retirement.

My Dad was in the process of building vacation cabins, each about 70% complete. I had zero information. Didn’t know the contractor, the loan amounts, who the loans were with. There was also property that I had little to no knowledge of the financing on. I literally stumbled across a life insurance policy while going through his things.

Since, I’ve made sure that all of my children know exactly what’s going on business and finance wise. I’ve provided them with names, numbers, contacts, accounts and passwords. I’ve also written down step by step the estate process and who to use.

It took me almost two full years to get everything moved into my name.

Remember, where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

Get all the family stories about their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts. And any questions you have about them.

Once they're gone so is all their first hand history of your family.

end of life care is tough. went through it with the four parents. getting rid of junk. getting rid of keepsakes that have no home. Dementia, Hospice etc.

We did not farm it out to a nursing home. Lonely ness is an issue.

For ourselves, we weed out stuff every quarter. Stuff that has a memory gets a label. Far better to give the stuff away to someone that might value it.

End of life garage sales are filthy

Make sure all heirs know what the program is before time of death. I have seen one too many wealthy families ripped apart because of surprises in the will/trust.

quote:

---

It wasn't fun, but my best advise is to accept the help of friends.

---

Good advice. I’d love to be left alone to it to sort the trash from the keep. MIL hasn’t taught in 15 years but has a room full of teaching stuff. There’s no heirloom furniture. Etc.

I lost my dad in 1998, when I was a teenager. My mom isn't doing well and it only gets worse. We have been working on getting all the things that need to be done before someone passes away.

Do they have a will done by a lawyer? It would be a good idea for them to give someone power of attorney just in case.

And having everything in order with the funeral home so when that time comes is one less thing to have to be worried about.

Talk with each one individually to see if they have anything that they keep to themselves.. Cash, valuables, etc.

I know everyone is different when it comes to all of this. Some people just don't like to face all of this. I was talking about getting things taken care of with someone I know, who is in their mid 60s and they told me they could not bring themselves to even think about preparing for death. I mentioned something about how its best to get as much taken care of as possible so your family will not have the burden of everything and he told me "well they will have to take care of it when it does happen.

That sucks for those who do have to take care of it especially if those taking care of it is your wife and kids. It just seems selfish as shite to not want to deal with it and leave it up to your loved ones to take care of.

My mother and MIL are still alive. Neither had much, other than a home and rural acreage, that's not worth much. We moved everything out of their names many years ago, so they could go into a NH and medicaid would pay. This works in our situation, but it sounds like there are sizable assets in your situation so employ an estate planning attorney before making any such moves.