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re: Porch Pirates

Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:05 am to
Posted by choupiquesushi
yaton rouge
Member since Jun 2006
30541 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:05 am to
Take you packages and refill them with vile subtances such as road kill, dog shite, live water snakes, just take off your address. a friend of myin in nola put dead rats in one.
Posted by Ponchy Tiger
Ponchatoula
Member since Aug 2004
45119 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:11 am to
Set a booby trap for them
Posted by Murray
Member since Aug 2008
14420 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:20 am to
quote:

Time to take a shite in the box and tape it up. Maybe even mark it “guaranteed” on the side for good measure.


That’s a great idea if you have the spare time.
Posted by go ta hell ole miss
Member since Jan 2007
13626 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:21 am to
quote:

I’ve had three packages stolen off my porch in the last two weeks. We need too publicly cane these assholes as punishment like they do in Singapore.


I know it is aggravating, though. There are lockboxes available to prevent this. Join us in the 21st century and grab one!
Posted by F1y0n7h3W4LL
Below I-10
Member since Jul 2019
1488 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:26 am to
putting a few garter snakes in a box seems appropriate.
Posted by Kentucker
Cincinnati, KY
Member since Apr 2013
19351 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:35 am to
I don’t understand why it’s illegal to harm these people. It would stop with the quickness if a porch priate or two lost some limbs while commiting their crimes.
Posted by Steadyhands
Slightly above I-10
Member since May 2016
6793 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:40 am to
would a bear trap opened, covered with foam packing peanuts be illegal?
Posted by csorre1
Member since Apr 2010
6355 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:46 am to
There's an instant karma porch pirate video of some dumb fat bitch grabbing a package and then breaking her leg running for it. Floppy gross break too. It was super satisfying.
Posted by CallmeSteveo
Member since Feb 2020
548 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:52 am to
Saw a guy who bought a new tv and put the old broke one in the box and they were nice enough to haul it off for em. Just start putting your trash in boxes.
Posted by TDFreak
Dodge Charger Aficionado
Member since Dec 2009
7369 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:01 pm to
quote:

We need too publicly cane these assholes
You can have as many branches off my swamp maple for switches.
Posted by idlewatcher
County Jail
Member since Jan 2012
79080 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:02 pm to
It’s a felony in Texas
Posted by pwejr88
Red Stick
Member since Apr 2007
36179 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:12 pm to
1) have cameras

2) have multiple signs advertising you have cameras
Posted by shutterspeed
MS Gulf Coast
Member since May 2007
63312 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:17 pm to
I'll just say one thing about porch pirates: They're better than butt pirates.
Posted by kywildcatfanone
Wildcat Country!
Member since Oct 2012
119120 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:17 pm to
Mark rober has made a huge living off porch pirate videos.
Posted by Cheese Grits
Wherever I lay my hat is my home
Member since Apr 2012
54672 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:20 pm to
Maybe you got gators in your hood?

Posted by ruzil
Baton Rouge
Member since Feb 2012
16904 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 1:36 pm to
Next time just order a claymore mine from amazon.

That'll fix their asses.
Posted by bhtigerfan
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2008
29438 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 1:55 pm to
Man, a big pissed off water snake in a box would be awesome. I’d love to watch video of them opening that package up.

Since it’s not venomous, I can’t see anything illegal about it.
This post was edited on 12/4/22 at 1:56 pm
Posted by bhtigerfan
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2008
29438 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 1:59 pm to
quote:

Mark rober has made a huge living off porch pirate videos.
I’ve watched several of those. I just wish he’s put bear spray instead of fart spray.

Make these frickers suffer.
Posted by GoT1de
Alabama
Member since Aug 2009
5041 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 2:41 pm to
shite bomb in a box.
Posted by BobABooey
Parts Unknown
Member since Oct 2004
14272 posts
Posted on 12/4/22 at 3:04 pm to
Go to a store you don’t usually shop at, preferably in a different town, and buy a bottle of wine and one of those soft fabric wine gift bags - the kind with a draw string. Go home and enjoy the bottle of wine at your leisure. Put the bottle in an empty trash can and smash it into small pieces. Turn the bag inside out and apply a liberal amount of Elmers glue to a portion of the bag and then pour some of the glass shards in the wet glue. Allow the glue to dry and repeat until the bottom 3/4 of the inside of the bag is coated with glass shards.

Put some old Mardi Gras doubloons or spare change in the bag and tighten the drawstring. Carefully place the bag in a box and print up an address label for an address that isn’t yours and a return label from “The Gold Coin Shoppe.” Leave the package on your porch and hope it goes untouched.
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