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Started By
Message
Parenting Question
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:23 pm
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:23 pm
I have 2 children. One is 4 and one is 7. They usually get along great aside from the normal sibling disagreements or annoyances.
BUT
Lately they are constantly in competition over what's "fair". No matter what they receive, if the other sibling gets ANYTHING (a popsicle, a turn to choose a movie, taking the first bath, etc.) we are immediately met with complaints of how unfair it is by the "slighted" child. We can't do anything for either child without the other objecting about the fairness of it.
There is a whole other subsect of this competition when it comes to compliments or affection. If we tell one child that their art work is good, the other has to either say how its not good or ask if theirs is better. If one is laying next to mom, then the other NEEDS to lay next to mom. Where it really drives me up a wall is if one is lying next to mom and the other protests and we finally get one to agree to lie next to dad then all of a sudden they both NEED to lie next to dad.
It feels like nothing we do is good enough for them. No matter what, they are gonna find a way to be the victim and tell us of how they are being mistreated or how the other is getting preferential treatment.
We obviously try to make everything fair and if one gets a popsicle then the other gets one too and both can lie next to mom or dad on either side but there are times when everything just can't be exact. I don't know how to get them to understand that even though things aren't exactly equal in this moment, we treat them both equally in the big picture. Even though one kid got a candy at the gas station today, the other got one yesterday (maybe thats a bad example cuz we'd usually get a candy for both even if only one child is present but you get the point).
We have tried talking to both of them about it in a calm manner and obviously my 7 year old can understand it better than my 4 year old but ten minutes later, its the same song and dance.
I hope this is just a phase but has anyone else dealt with this and have any solutions or suggestions?
BUT
Lately they are constantly in competition over what's "fair". No matter what they receive, if the other sibling gets ANYTHING (a popsicle, a turn to choose a movie, taking the first bath, etc.) we are immediately met with complaints of how unfair it is by the "slighted" child. We can't do anything for either child without the other objecting about the fairness of it.
There is a whole other subsect of this competition when it comes to compliments or affection. If we tell one child that their art work is good, the other has to either say how its not good or ask if theirs is better. If one is laying next to mom, then the other NEEDS to lay next to mom. Where it really drives me up a wall is if one is lying next to mom and the other protests and we finally get one to agree to lie next to dad then all of a sudden they both NEED to lie next to dad.
It feels like nothing we do is good enough for them. No matter what, they are gonna find a way to be the victim and tell us of how they are being mistreated or how the other is getting preferential treatment.
We obviously try to make everything fair and if one gets a popsicle then the other gets one too and both can lie next to mom or dad on either side but there are times when everything just can't be exact. I don't know how to get them to understand that even though things aren't exactly equal in this moment, we treat them both equally in the big picture. Even though one kid got a candy at the gas station today, the other got one yesterday (maybe thats a bad example cuz we'd usually get a candy for both even if only one child is present but you get the point).
We have tried talking to both of them about it in a calm manner and obviously my 7 year old can understand it better than my 4 year old but ten minutes later, its the same song and dance.
I hope this is just a phase but has anyone else dealt with this and have any solutions or suggestions?
21
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:24 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Sell them to gypsies
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:24 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
I always told mine "Life's not fair. Get used to it"
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:25 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Get a vasectomy
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:26 pm to Ray Ray Rodman
quote:
I always told mine "Life's not fair. Get used to it"
Yep...this. say it and move on. Eventually so will they.
Then they will drop it. They keep doing it because you are responding to it.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:26 pm to Ray Ray Rodman
quote:
I always told mine "Life's not fair. Get used to it"
We tell them this a decent amount of the time. I'm tired of fielding the fairness objections. I just want it to stop.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:27 pm to SportsGuyNOLA
quote:
Get a vasectomy
A little late for the 2 I already have...
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:27 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Sounds like something from a Bluey episode but the tv was turned off before the lessons learned portion at the end of the show. Sounds like you got two Muffins.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:27 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Not sure...prob need to see pics of the wife to really make a determination.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:29 pm to TopWaterTiger
quote:
ep...this. say it and move on. Eventually so will they.
Then they will drop it. They keep doing it because you are responding to it.
Maybe we are enabling some. We don't always give them anything to make it fair but Maybe we do it enough to warrant them to continue to protest.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:31 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
The younger kid is just at that stage of life. The older kid is just playing the game as he sees his brother playing it. They'll outgrow it in a year or two. In the meantime, yeah, don't feed their bullshite. As others have said, tell them life isn't fair.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:34 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Shock collars
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:36 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
A complaint should get them sent to their room
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:37 pm to mmmmmbeeer
quote:
The younger kid is just at that stage of life. The older kid is just playing the game as he sees his brother playing it. They'll outgrow it in a year or two. In the meantime, yeah, don't feed their bullshite. As others have said, tell them life isn't fair.
tbh I think its the other way around. I think my 7 year old is the instigator and my 4 year old is following suit. This is not a behavior either have exhibited in the past, it all started within the last month or two.
I still agree the solution is the same though.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:37 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
quote:
Lately they are constantly in competition over what's "fair". No matter what they receive, if the other sibling gets ANYTHING (a popsicle, a turn to choose a movie, taking the first bath, etc.) we are immediately met with complaints of how unfair it is by the "slighted" child. We can't do anything for either child without the other objecting about the fairness of it.
sorry you are weak and spoiled your kids, now nut up and correct that behavior
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:38 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Choose a favorite now and let it be known.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:38 pm to tiger91
quote:
A complaint should get them sent to their room
They were sent to bed early 3 nights this past week because they wouldnt stfu about this nonsense. The next day it was like they had amnesia about the previous nights punishment.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:38 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
When they have to split something, let one split it. Then the other gets to pick which one they want.
Switch who gets to split the next time.
They'll soon realize that they need to make them exactly the same. If they complain, then your answer is either, "You split them," or "That's the one you chose."
Switch who gets to split the next time.
They'll soon realize that they need to make them exactly the same. If they complain, then your answer is either, "You split them," or "That's the one you chose."
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:41 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Tell them, “Life is unfair.”
It is a great life lesson.
Everyone needs to learn it as soon as possible.
Watch Major Payne with them.
Send them to military school.
Teach them the subtle difference between, “doing things right”, and “doing right things.”
“The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s arse everyday.”
It is a great life lesson.
Everyone needs to learn it as soon as possible.
Watch Major Payne with them.
Send them to military school.
Teach them the subtle difference between, “doing things right”, and “doing right things.”
“The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s arse everyday.”
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:42 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Take them into the back yard where the fire pit is. Your wife as well. Give each child 4 thin sticks and tell them each represents a family member and tell them to break them one at a time. Then watch them break them and throw them in the fire . Then hand them 4 new thicker sticks and tell them they represent the family and tell them to break them all at once. They won’t be able to break the 4 sticks. Tell them that TOGETHER you are strong, separately you are far more breakable. Tell them the strength is in the family being together and that they must have each others back. Then tell them that life can never be completely fair and that they have to remember to stay on the same side, strong together, weaker when they are at odds.
Then pull that lesson out periodically for the rest of time.
Then pull that lesson out periodically for the rest of time.
This post was edited on 1/22/24 at 4:45 pm
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