Nursing Home Badass

Sometimes life gets so messed up that you just have to laugh at your situation. I am currently living in a nursing home going thru physical therapy in the hopes I will while walk again. This is my second go around at a very difficult challenge.

I was moved into a room with an old guy who is 79, while I am 49. He is about 5'2" and 120 lbs, while I am about 6'2" and 230 lbs. From the beginning we butted heads. He didn't like I would stay up late watching tv, while I didn't like him getting up at 4 a.m. to play solitaire. Our main feud concerned the door to out room. He wanted it closed and I wanted it open.

One night he got up and closed the door, so I got up to open it. So he walked over to me and balled up his fist and told me he was going to kick my arse. So I stand up with my walker to tell him to try it. He put his hands on my walker and pushes me back on my bed. So I am sitting there pissed off because this this old man is punking me. I figure if I hit him he will stop, but I will also probably go to jail and make national headlines for beating an old man's arse.

My only course of action was to tell the nurse this little old man was picking on me. She lectures both of us and demands we get along. This man and I continue bickering over the next month or so. Whenever he would get pissed he would ball up his fist and threaten to hit me. I would laugh and tell him the little old women scared me more than him. Eventually I started asking him how long he had been a girl scout, which would fire him up.

Finally, I realized that after dinner he would take out his hidden bottle of whisky and pour it into his Coke. After a few he would start in on all the threats and so on. At one point, he went in the hall and told other residents he was going to kill me. Due to my embarrassment I had to save face, so I tattled on him to the nurse about having liquor in our room.

As a result of his telling people he was going to kill me I was moved to another room, which had a very nice old man. After a couple nights he woke me up at 3:30 a.m. when he was coughing. Then after a couple minutes there was silence, so I went back to sleep. Unfortunately, in the morning all hell broke loose when the nurse came in because this nice old man had passed away. Sad.

Meanwhile, the nursing home badass has himself a chick. She is about 80 and kina nasty looking, but they seem to be a good pair. She was allowed to move into his room. One of the nurses told me she had walked in on them screwing away.

Luckily I am recovered and will be leaving in a few days. I just had to share how some little old man punked me and turned me into a beta, while he is gets drunk and laid every night. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.