NSFW, tits, explosions, hippo farts. Geezer rants about denim clad Faustoolios

Happened to be in a generic bar in a generic place tonight and really listened to what is playing on the radio now. It makes Achy Breaky Heart sound like O Fortuna(worth a watch regardless)

What happened!?

I don't think there is anything more horribly formulaic than this pansy arse, factory sounding bubblegum pop with a goddamn John Deere varnish slapped on it.

Boob break


I mean, I swear, I'd rather listen to two walruses (walrii?) mating on a chalkboard than this cookie cutter dirt road shite.

Here's an explosion


country music used to have real feel to it. Soul! Something to evoke a real emotion. Now, it's like someone ran an algorithm to find "country sounding phrases" and put them to a pop single, drop a George Jones (may he RIP) line in and they are gold.

Here's more boobs


It's horrid. An insult to the greats that came before them.
Who's gonna fill their shoes?

The question has been answered. No one apparently. Gone are the days where a country song could tell the tale of losing your wife, to your best friend, who killed your dog with your Pa's gun, but only because he named you Gertrude or some shite.
BOOB EXPLOSION!


Here's a new country hit

Rollin' coal neath the moon in a Cornfield,
On my tractor makin' ruts with the boys and reels
Drinkin' [top bidder brand name] beer 'cause it damn sure ain't made in China...

Drinkin' whiskey gettin' frisky with the girl next door,
Random George Jones reference but she's still a whore,
And the fence rows here are tighter than her vagina...

Well a' country words all jumbled,
Rancher's jargon I just mumbled!



For pete's sake, with names like Dierks Brantleigh (as egregious as any Skronquavious Shaniquanetta) it's as if they jammed every ounce of backwoods bamasippi stereotype into a horse needle and gave some boy band reject a denim makeover with an ironically unironic straw cowboy hat.



I mean, who is listening to this garbage and giving them money? With a wealth of classic, real music literally at your fingertips who could choose this synthesized, sanitized excuse for sound?

Who could choose this
Apparently someone already took every stupid thing I said and made it into a hit country song

When there is this!?
He stopped loving her today

Man, am I just getting old and crotchety, or is there something to this complete and utter sapification of music in general?

Anyway, I know


I'll close with the words of a great man.
























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