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re: My friend should practice what he preaches.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:23 pm to GreyWhiskers
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:23 pm to GreyWhiskers
You are correct about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. That said, "saving" a former drug addict/stripper is a VERY low-percentage Beta move and screams out that he is the kind of man who has a psychological need to come to the rescue of a woman with deep psychological problems of her own. That very rarely succeeds,-like almost never. So while the Christian in you might have given him virtuous and biblical advice, the statistician in you might have just helped him wreck his own life.
2
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:24 pm to GreyWhiskers
There's a world of difference between judging someone and deciding they aren't a suitable mate.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:24 pm to CaptainsWafer
quote:
At least he’ll know what to do with all those spare $1 bills.
It's $2 bills these days and a lot of strip clubs give you change for drinks only with $2 bills so the stage hoes can make more money. If you know someone who has $2 bills all the time, that's a strip club regular.
This post was edited on 1/3/19 at 12:25 pm
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:26 pm to TigerstuckinMS
quote:
If you know someone who has $2 bills all the time, that's a strip club regular.
:/immediatelycheckswallet
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:26 pm to GreyWhiskers
Man, you can't even meet a woman in church anymore.
The stripper thing wouldn't be a huge deal, especially if it was when she was college age or so. It isn't like she can go back to that at 56.
Not sure I'd want to deal with the potential long term psychological impact of heavy drug use, as well as the always present risk of relapse.
I wouldn't say he's a hypocrite if he just doesn't want to be in a long term relationship with that kind of baggage. You can not judge someone but still make pragmatic life decisions.
The stripper thing wouldn't be a huge deal, especially if it was when she was college age or so. It isn't like she can go back to that at 56.
Not sure I'd want to deal with the potential long term psychological impact of heavy drug use, as well as the always present risk of relapse.
I wouldn't say he's a hypocrite if he just doesn't want to be in a long term relationship with that kind of baggage. You can not judge someone but still make pragmatic life decisions.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:27 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
You are correct about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. That said, "saving" a former drug addict/stripper is a VERY low-percentage Beta move and screams out that he is the kind of man who has a psychological need to come to the rescue of a woman with deep psychological problems of her own. That very rarely succeeds,-like almost never. So while the Christian in you might have given him virtuous and biblical advice, the statistician in you might have just helped him wreck his own life.
It's not like they met in a halfway house. If she's been clean ten years, the odds ought to be considerably better. The religious aspect aside, nearly everybody who lives long enough cleans up their act to some degree. Those who don't are already dead.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:28 pm to TheCurmudgeon
The stripping/dancing is easily forgivable... its the dope I would have a problem with.... the former combined with the latter really compounds the situation.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:29 pm to MissyTiger
quote:
and desperate to get my head above water.
where did your head end up?
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:30 pm to I Eat Tide Pods
quote:
where did your head end up?
and what about all of the other heads?
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:30 pm to GreyWhiskers
I guarantee it’s not about forgiving her for her past. It’s about what he thinks his late wife would think. If he’s religious - as you’ve stated he is - he is imagining his late wife looking from heaven and disapproving.
This post was edited on 1/3/19 at 12:31 pm
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:31 pm to dakarx
quote:
the former combined with the latter really compounds the situation.
usually go hand in .... hand
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:38 pm to GreyWhiskers
quote:
I told him straight up, if God forgave her, why couldn’t he? He’s always going on and on about forgiveness, but yet he’s contradicting his own belief. We’ve all done things in our lives that we’ve not proud of, but does that disqualify us of forgiveness? Don’t preach forgiveness if you’re not willing to forgive. Rant over with.
+1
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:43 pm to GreyWhiskers
Man thats a tough one. Im gonna say no.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:44 pm to GreyWhiskers
I applaud her for coming clean with him about her past, especially if they both wanted a serious relationship. As far as your friend is concerned, I don’t think it’s an issue of forgiveness as much as it is that he can’t accept that those things happened in the past and that she’s changed and is a different, better person. I’m glad he did her a favor because it sounds like she deserves better.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:44 pm to Jim Rockford
“ To some degree “ . The devil is in the details. Being an addicted stripper at any point in her life is not proof that’s shes beyond redemption, but it's a high statistical indicator that she has significant psychological issues. And you never counsel a single man to begin a relationship with someone with significant psychological issues. Many, many damaged women have spent a lifetime perfecting “ the trap “ for unsuspecting men who meet psychological needs of their own by being the white knight ( not racist ) .
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:44 pm to GreyWhiskers
quote:
She’s a recovering drug addict (10 years sober) and in her younger days (she’s 56), she was a stripper for a short time.
Few things I'd want to clarify here.
1. Does she have any STDS including the Heps?
2. Has she ever traded drugs for sex? If so with how many dudes at once?
3. Ever had an mmfmm?
Regardless of the answers to 2 and 3, If she's upfront and don't have the cooties, I'd marry her.
But I don't speak for most.
This post was edited on 1/3/19 at 12:46 pm
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:46 pm to GreyWhiskers
Religious people can often be the biggest hypocrites.
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:46 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
That said, "saving" a former drug addict/stripper is a VERY low-percentage Beta move and screams out that he is the kind of man who has a psychological need to come to the rescue of a woman with deep psychological problems of her own
Sounds like that stuff is behind her and shes already on a better path that she found on her own. In other words, this woman isnt in a state where she needs to be "saved".
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:47 pm to mikelbr
quote:
Few things I'd want to clarify here.
1. Does she have any STDS including the Heps?
2. Has she ever traded drugs for sex? If so with how many dudes at once?
3. Ever had an mmfmm?
Regardless of the answers to 2 and 3, If she's upfront and don't have the cooties, I'd marry her
Are you asking these questions for the OPs buddy, or is this your normal dating application?
Posted on 1/3/19 at 12:47 pm to mikelbr
i mean, assuming this "friend" is also in his 50s what's he got to lose?
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