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Posted on 2/26/18 at 10:43 am to SMACKYtheFROG
I never put that much thought into it. My husband did not want my mom there, though, he wanted it to just be us. It was important to him so that's what we did.
My mom was there during labor, just not delivery. When that time came, she left and waited for my husband to come tell everyone the gender. If your wife just wants her there because she's scared or is going to be in pain, the labor can last a while, and it might be a good compromise to have her there until it's time to deliver. Honestly at that point the mom won't know what is going on or who's still there. I didn't know my mom had left right away because we went from one nurse coming in periodically to three and a doctor surrounding us.
If your MIL is being pushy about it that's a whole other problem because she's intervening in your marriage. But if it's just your wife, tell her how you feel. You might get some hormone rage but whatever you do, don't have that fight while she's in labor. It will be so much worse then.
My mom was there during labor, just not delivery. When that time came, she left and waited for my husband to come tell everyone the gender. If your wife just wants her there because she's scared or is going to be in pain, the labor can last a while, and it might be a good compromise to have her there until it's time to deliver. Honestly at that point the mom won't know what is going on or who's still there. I didn't know my mom had left right away because we went from one nurse coming in periodically to three and a doctor surrounding us.
If your MIL is being pushy about it that's a whole other problem because she's intervening in your marriage. But if it's just your wife, tell her how you feel. You might get some hormone rage but whatever you do, don't have that fight while she's in labor. It will be so much worse then.
Posted on 2/26/18 at 10:47 am to castorinho
quote:it's only controversial if you and your wife disagree on the subject.
Like I said, I didn't know this was a controversial thing until I saw this thread.
Posted on 2/26/18 at 10:50 am to SMACKYtheFROG
Not weird in the slightest. Pretty normal in fact.
M-I-L might be a pain in the arse, but can also be real useful for the first couple of weeks after the baby's born.
M-I-L might be a pain in the arse, but can also be real useful for the first couple of weeks after the baby's born.
Posted on 2/26/18 at 3:43 pm to LNCHBOX
quote:
This is such a woman response
Why should OP have no say
I think it's a decision y'all should make together. But if you are both on opposite ends and no one is budging, the wife's say should go because she is the one in labor and delivering the baby. If the roles were reversed and the man delivered the baby then he should get the ultimate say if an agreement can't be made.
Labor fricking sucks, even with the epidural. So whatever will make your wife (the patient) the most comfortable is what you should go with. Its not an unreasonable request like asking her ex or best friend to be there or something.
Personally, as I said in the post you replied to, I think it's weird to want your mother or MIL in the room. I didn't even want them to come see me/the baby until I was back into a regular room a few hours later. I made that 100% clear to everyone months in advance so there would be no confusion the day of. No one was going to push their way into a moment that was between my husband and I. It took us years and a lot of medical treatment to get pregnant, so it was something really special to us. I didn't want to share that moment with anyone. Unfortunately, we didn't get much time with our baby before he was taken to the NICU but I would have been livid if the minutes we did have then needed to be shared with our moms.
I almost flipped out on my father for posting it all over Facebook before we had even told everyone. But that's another problem for another day.
Posted on 2/26/18 at 3:45 pm to SMACKYtheFROG
why not sell tickets?
Posted on 2/26/18 at 4:36 pm to SMACKYtheFROG
Both my mom and MIL were in the room during mine. It actually takes a lot of the load off you tbh.
Posted on 2/26/18 at 7:18 pm to LNCHBOX
quote:
pretty sure the doctors and nurses can handle telling OP what to do.
You know what, you are right, LNCHBOX. OP should definitely tell his wife that she is not allowed to decide who is able to come in the delivery room and he should also tell the MIL that she will not be allowed to be in the room during the birth of her grandchild even though her daughter wants her to be present.
This will definitely end well.
Good luck!!!
Posted on 2/26/18 at 7:39 pm to go ta hell ole miss
quote:
tell the MIL that she will not be allowed to be in the room during the birth of her grandchild
That's the key word: GRANDchild. The MIL already had her kids. This new child is for the mom and dad, period.
ETA: and to the bigger point....the fact that the new mom would want her mother in the delivery room basically says two things: 1) I have attachment issues to my mother, and 2) I don't think my husband can provide the support I need
This post was edited on 2/26/18 at 7:42 pm
Posted on 2/26/18 at 9:57 pm to Houma Sapien
Unless MIL attended EVERY f’ing Lamaze breathing exercise class, she don’t deserve to be there
Posted on 2/27/18 at 3:44 am to HighAnkleSprain
My take. OP needs to have a sit down talk with the wife and express his wishes and be ready to explain as to why. OP needs to be strong making his point. Women need a men to show that they will be there in good times and bad times bringing a new life into the world. It's called love and support, cause that is what he will be doing the rest of his life.
To me, bringing a new life into the world between two people should be a private moment for them.
I see no problem with the family coming in before the birth, but when it's time, it's time for all to GTFO other then the Dad to be.
To me, bringing a new life into the world between two people should be a private moment for them.
I see no problem with the family coming in before the birth, but when it's time, it's time for all to GTFO other then the Dad to be.
Posted on 2/27/18 at 4:30 am to SMACKYtheFROG
No, my mother in law was in the room for the birth of each of my kids. Nothing at all wrong with it in my opinion. Do you not have a good relationship with your with your wife’s mom?
Posted on 2/27/18 at 7:22 am to fishfighter
Fish, things have changed in the last 35 Years.
The mom has been there and can be comforting to the woman
The mom has been there and can be comforting to the woman
Posted on 2/27/18 at 7:34 am to go ta hell ole miss
quote:
You know what, you are right, LNCHBOX. OP should definitely tell his wife that she is not allowed to decide who is able to come in the delivery room and he should also tell the MIL that she will not be allowed to be in the room during the birth of her grandchild even though her daughter wants her to be present.
This will definitely end well.
Good luck!!!
If Op thinks that special moment should be only between him and his wife, he absolutely should.
Posted on 2/27/18 at 7:47 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
If Op thinks that special moment should be only between him and his wife, he absolutely should.
Agree. Being dogmatic makes for a great marriage. I think I'll tell my wife I think Christmas and birthday parties should only be between mothers, fathers and children. Her opinion does not matter. Wish me luck!
This post was edited on 2/27/18 at 7:49 am
Posted on 2/27/18 at 7:57 am to HoustonChick86
quote:
But if you are both on opposite ends and no one is budging, the wife's say should go because she is the one in labor and delivering the baby. If the roles were reversed and the man delivered the baby then he should get the ultimate say if an agreement can't be made.
I don't agree with either of these. Spouse trumps parent, and I don't only say that at times it benefits me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't be paying for daycare at the moment since my MIL is retired and my mom is a night nurse. But since my wife hasn't been thrilled with how they've both acted lately, I go with what she wants.
Posted on 2/27/18 at 7:59 am to go ta hell ole miss
quote:
Agree. Being dogmatic makes for a great marriage. I think I'll tell my wife I think Christmas and birthday parties should only be between mothers, fathers and children. Her opinion does not matter. Wish me luck!
Equating a birthday party with the birth is about what I'd expect.
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:08 am to LNCHBOX
quote:quote:
But if you are both on opposite ends and no one is budging, the wife's say should go because she is the one in labor and delivering the baby. If the roles were reversed and the man delivered the baby then he should get the ultimate say if an agreement can't be made.
I don't agree with either of these. Spouse trumps parent, and I don't only say that at times it benefits me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't be paying for daycare at the moment since my MIL is retired and my mom is a night nurse. But since my wife hasn't been thrilled with how they've both acted lately, I go with what she wants.
You realize you just made her point for her, right? Spouse trumps parent, obviously like you just said, and the mother-in-law being in the delivery room debate isn't about what the MIL wants, it's about what the spouse wants. If the wife doesn't want the MIL in there, then there's nothing to even debate, the MIL stays the frick out. If the wife wants the MIL in there, then despite you not being thrilled about it, you're probably going to go with what she wants.
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:10 am to LSUBoo
I didn't though. I reinforced my point that I side with my spouse over my parents.
Like I've said since I got in this thread, spouse trumps parent.
Like I've said since I got in this thread, spouse trumps parent.
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:14 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
I didn't though. I reinforced my point that I side with my spouse over my parents.
Okay, but in this case, as stated in the OP and as discussed throughout the thread, it's the spouse that wants their MIL in the room. Your parents are completely irrelevant in this discussion... are you doing to side with your spouse or not?
quote:
Like I've said since I got in this thread, spouse trumps parent.
No one disagrees with this. It's the two spouses that are disagreeing.
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