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re: Mother-in-law in delivery room

Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:16 am to
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:16 am to
quote:

No one disagrees with this. It's the two spouses that are disagreeing.



All it comes down is who is it more important for to be in the room, new dad or MIL?
This post was edited on 2/27/18 at 8:17 am
Posted by LSUBoo
Knoxville, TN
Member since Mar 2006
101927 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:17 am to
quote:

All it comes down is who is more important for to be in the room, new dad or MIL?


And if the wife insists that she wants both there?


ETA: Presumably she wants both because the OP said "with us"... if she doesn't want the baby's father present, there are probably bigger issues.
This post was edited on 2/27/18 at 8:21 am
Posted by TbirdSpur2010
ALAMO CITY
Member since Dec 2010
134026 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:17 am to
Depends on the mother in law.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129037 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:51 am to
At this point boo he is just pulling a lunchbox and arguing just to argue.

Comes off as a very narrow minded spouse that isn’t able to be selfless in order to please the woman carrying his child.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:54 am to
quote:

At this point boo he is just pulling a lunchbox and arguing just to argue.

Comes off as a very narrow minded spouse that isn’t able to be selfless in order to please the woman carrying his child.




Yea, having an opinion other than do whatever the woman wants is so narrow-minded.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129037 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 8:59 am to
Again....SHE IS THE ONE HAVING THE BABY

This isn’t about feminism or slamming men. It’s her body and she is the one having the baby....plain and simple.

How hard is it to grasp that in this situation...she gets ultimate say and her decision should be respected? It doesn’t have to be a slam against the marriage if she wants her mom there. It doesn’t mean she has issues or doesn’t respect you or whatever you have in your head against it. It just means she wants her mom there, for whatever reason.


Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:01 am to
quote:

Again....SHE IS THE ONE HAVING THE BABY


And that has shite to do with having her mom there.

quote:

This isn’t about feminism or slamming men.


Another thing I never said.

quote:

How hard is it to grasp that in this situation...she gets ultimate say and her decision should be respected?


Because I don't agree with it.
quote:

It doesn’t have to be a slam against the marriage if she wants her mom there.


If she forces it when her husband is against it, it absolutely is a marital issue. Cut the chord from your mom already.
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:02 am to
quote:

Yea, having an opinion other than do whatever the woman wants is so narrow-minded.


But your argument is ruined by your failure to be objective unless you are being 1950s era misogynistic. You are basically saying your wishes are to be followed and hers are irrelevant because you feel differently.

The case of the op is that the father doesn't want the mil in the room, but the mom does. You keep mentioning the desire of the mil, but that is irrelevant. If the husband and he wife disagree about the presence of the mil, and both feel strongly, the mil will likely be in the room because it is what the mom to be wants.
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:03 am to
quote:


If she forces it when her husband is against it, it absolutely is a marital issue.
I agree with this, but the mom is still going to be in there.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:04 am to
quote:

You are basically saying your wishes are to be followed and hers are irrelevant because you feel differently.


I'm not though. One option involves the people that need to be there. The other option involves an extra person that one of the necessary people doesn't want there. In that situation, I choose only having the two necessary people involved, and that wold be my decision if it want to my benefit.

quote:

t. If the husband and he wife disagree about the presence of the mil, and both feel strongly, the mil will likely be in the room because it is what the mom to be wants.


And that is a poor decision for a healthy marriage. You've said it yourself
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:05 am to
quote:

One option involves the people that need to be there.
technically, you don't need to be there. You are only there for support.
This post was edited on 2/27/18 at 9:06 am
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:06 am to
quote:

technically, you don't need to be there. You are on the there for support.




This is arguing to argue
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129037 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:07 am to
Sorry....but you aren’t necessary for her having that baby. Baby is coming whether or not you are in the room.


Only person that “has” to be there...is her and the medical staff. Anyone else(including the father)....is optional.

Seeing as she is the only necessary person, she gets to decide who is there.
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:08 am to
Maybe, but it dismantles the quoted stance pretty effectively.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:10 am to
quote:

Sorry....but you aren’t necessary for her having that baby.


Then the MIL is extra not necessary.

quote:

y. Baby is coming whether or not you are in the room.



Same for MIL.

quote:

Seeing as she is the only necessary person, she gets to decide who is there.



And if she wants to have a good marriage, she should probably consider her husband and father of her child's opinion a little more.
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:12 am to
quote:

And if she wants to have a good marriage, she should probably consider her husband and father of her child's opinion a little more.

This is where I'm confused by your argument. Why is this a one way street where the mom has to submit to the opinion of the father?

Ignore the good marriage part, we agree there.
This post was edited on 2/27/18 at 9:13 am
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129037 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:12 am to
I’m just very glad my husband is not as whiny as you.

I don’t want my mom there if I do have a child. But if I did he wouldn’t pitch a temper tantrum over it like you clearly would.

Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:14 am to
quote:

I’m just very glad my husband is not as whiny as you.


And I'm glad my wife isn't preachy nag that invents arguments.

quote:

But if I did he wouldn’t pitch a temper tantrum over it like you clearly would.


Bless your husband for dealing with you.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129037 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:15 am to
quote:

invents arguments.



Isn’t that your entire M.O. on this site?
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
84284 posts
Posted on 2/27/18 at 9:15 am to
quote:

This is where I'm confused by your argument. Why is this a one way street where the mom has to submit to the opinion of the father?



It's not. I gave an example of it going the other way earlier in the thread from my own marriage. I'm not sure I can be any more clear.
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