re: Mom is going to a nursing home (Updated pg 7)

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You obviously had the luxury of dealing with a mild case of dementia

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*His mother dealt with the dementia patient

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Prayers to all dealing with declining loved ones.

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And for y’all.

So Mom checked in today at a center that’s less than 1/2 a mile from me. She was in good spirits and the nurses were super nice.

Unfortunately my sister took off for Alabama. She’s a wreck and in denial over it. My stepdad thinks the place is a dump. It’s the whole first day thing not being used to it. The only thing I care about is that my Mom gets the best care. It might not be as nice as others, but it’s the care that matters to me. It didn’t smell either. Of course I’ll visit every day after work and longer on the weekends. But here we are. BTW, she’s 65.

Man, I know this is traumatic for everyone involved, but it really sounds like the best thing for your mom and stepdad. Prepare for them to call you (sometimes a lot) until everyone involved settles on the amount of information you want. Also, encourage her to eat in the lunch room and find some activities that she likes (I.e. bingo, church service, etc.) because one of the major benefits of a nursing home is the social scene.

Yeah I was thinking 85. Sucks that her health is so bad at a young age.

Exactly.

You may want to look into hospice for your mom also. The Hospice of Baton Rouge will provide services for free/medicare covered. It's not the palliative care as if they are on their death bed, but more of a maintenance care. It is also provided to then if they are in a nursing home. The nurse will come 3 days a week and will check on her care, give baths and ensure she is not being neglected.

My father who is 88, had a mild stroke last July which affected his speech so it is very hard for him to communicate. This is on top of mild dementia.

I have been lucky enough to be able to keep him at home. Between out of pocket and VA benefits I have CNAs coming 7 days a week during the day and me and 3 siblings stay the night with him. The hospice nurse comes 3 days a week to give him a checkup and make sure all of his prescriptions are filled. A social worker visits him once a week and a chaplain once a week.

The hospice thing is just a additional peace of mind.

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We are in the process of selling her home which would give her additional funds if needed.

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Caveat: I haven’t looked at this in a number of years.

However, you really need to go see a lawyer who specializes in elderly care. A home is one of the few asset that you can keep while still being eligible for Medicaid to pay the difference for nursing home care. The others are minimal amounts of household type assets (e.g., a couple thousand dollars for a car, a couple thousand dollars for a burial policy, a couple thousand dollars in household furniture, etc.)

Technically, the state Medicaid administration can place a lien on the house and get repaid when your elderly parent dies and the estate/succession sells the home after death. However, they don’t always do that. It really depends on the state and the agency. However, most lawyers would tell you to hang onto the house and apply for Medicaid.

At one time back in the 90s, it was actually a criminal offense for a lawyer to essentially tell you this. However, when lawyers started challenging that law, HHS backed down and did not enforce it. I believe, that law has now been repealed.


ETA: The other Medicaid planning tool I remember involves having your parents gift their assets away. If you start to see your elderly parent "losing it“ but think that they’ll be okay for five years, then you can essentially liquidate their assets, gift them to trusted children/family members, and still be eligible for Medicaid five years from now. However, there is a five-year look back so anything that happened in the five years prior to your applying for Medicaid will essentially come back into the calculation. Of course, the hard part here is convincing your parent to give up their assets when they still have at least another five "good" years.

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So Mom checked in today at a center that’s less than 1/2 a mile from me. She was in good spirits and the nurses were super nice.

Unfortunately my sister took off for Alabama. She’s a wreck and in denial over it. My stepdad thinks the place is a dump. It’s the whole first day thing not being used to it. The only thing I care about is that my Mom gets the best care. It might not be as nice as others, but it’s the care that matters to me. It didn’t smell either. Of course I’ll visit every day after work and longer on the weekends. But here we are. BTW, she’s 65.

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My father has dementia and has been in an assisted living facility for about a year and a half now. The place is not nearly as nice on the inside (or outside) as many other facilities...but the people who work there are great. His dementia is still relatively mild, so he isn't in memory care yet. Long story short, he has thrived. There was an adjustment period, but he is actively walking in the facility, where at home he was sitting most of the day. Nurses help regulate his medication, while at home it was hit or miss. The biggest help has been routine. Adjustment to a schedule has helped both his spirits and his memory. While our experience may not be the same as others, it has been a Godsend for him to receive the care he has had during this time. His facility is about 2 miles from work for me, and I'm able to swing by after work to visit with him.

These decisions are difficult. I pray that your mother receives the care she needs, and that she thrives.