re: Mom is going to a nursing home (Updated pg 7)

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I can speak for it way more than you and bluegrass who decided to just give up and let your parents rot in a nursing home

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Listen here you mewling fricking quim, I took care of my mother in HOSPICE in my parents home as she laid dying from terminal cancer during COVID lockdowns. I currently help take care of my Grandmother, who by God's grace hasn't needed to be placed in a home because there's enough of us to care for her, her SIL lives two streets over, and she's still mentally sharp enough to manage. You don't have a fricking clue.

OP is in a situation where they are not able to do so. His step-father is likely not physically capable of lifting his wife or doing a lot of the physical care needed. Your situation (excuse me YOUR MOTHER'S situation) was likely not the same. Taking care of someone with dementia is not just "wiping arse" or driving her to appointments, buddy. Not everyone can afford a 16-24 hour nurse to come into the home. Medicare will only cover so much when it comes to in-home care.

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it can and it is called sacrifice. Sorry you dont have the same courage and conviction nor desire to pull off what it takes to care for someone you love

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Says the guy trying to get cred for what his mother did.

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I see a lot of experiences in this thread that are familiar to me, but one concern I didn't see was dealing with siblings. If OP has siblings, it's important to try and get all to agree, early on, as to what the course of action should be. In my case, that didn't happen and caused a lot of arguments and bad feelings among brothers and sisters.

Bless you OP; it ain't easy and nothing you do will be the perfect answer.

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My Aunt (Mom's SIL) dealt with this. Her sister had Power of Attorney, demanded that her Mother with Lewy Body Dementia not be put in a home, and my Aunt and one of her other sisters ended up taking on her care. My Aunt ruptured a disk in her back from lifting her Mom when she could no longer walk. The sister with POA demanded she receive a G-tube once she lost her faculty to eat and they had to deal with that as well. It was a horrible situation for everyone involved, when she could have received care in a home where one of her own grandchildren worked no less.

Folks judging have no idea how bad it can be. Or how difficult.

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You seem proud of making taxpayers fund your mom's stay in a home. Her assets could've gone to help pay those bills. Now you keep the money and I get to help pay her nursing home bill.

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Now do the 11 Million Biden let in...

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Long term care insurance seems to be running about $2K per year. We aren’t there yet with my relative but it’s always good to be properly prepared.

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Two grand is on the low end and may not cover home health care with a long elimination period. Some things to consider when shopping for LTC coverage is it is not rate-stable, so premiums will increase over time. It also doesn't refund premiums if you don't use the benefits and approval for coverage is not guaranteed. Factors beyond health, arthritis or back issues, can lead to denial.

You may want to consider an annuity or permanent life insurance policy combined with LTC coverage instead. These plans have more lenient underwriting, and either you or your heirs can receive a benefits if not used for LTC. Make sure the policy explicitly states it includes LTC coverage, not just "living benefits" or similar terms. Some agents will try and pass that off as LTC.

The best time to look for coverage is in your mid to late 40s. Waiting increases costs and the likelihood of being denied due to unexpected health issues. Hope this helps clear some things up.

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She moved into an independent living facility at $2850 a month

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Is she able to pay that all out of her monthly income and/or resources? If not, are you guys paying the balance or medicaid/insurance?

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My Mom fell Friday night and is here at the hospital in Paducah.

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That is deja vu all over again for me. I grew up in Paducah and my Mom passed away last May in a nursing home at the ripe old age of 95. She was pretty healthy up until about 6 months before when she had some internal organ problems that dictated her moving there.

On a good note my Mom fell once or twice and went to Parkview Nursing home for about 6 wk rehab stint. She got out each time and was able to return to her regular lodging at the assisted living facility she was living at.

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you suck

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You are a terrible person.

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My FIL had in-home hospice care for 9 months until he passed. While it was good for him it was hell for the family to deal with. Hospice only came once a week and the strain on my wife probbly took years off of her life.

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Same with my mom taking care of my dad. He was in hospice for 4 months, but they had gone to assisted living for a year before that. It was quickly bringing down my mom's health. I have moved her to a senior apartment near me in Houston and it has taken a whole year for her to truly get back her health. When he passed, she had been taking care of him and not herself and it made her frail. He had dementia.

For the OP and others, I'm sure it's awful and makes you feel bad for them to go to a nursing home, but for most families, there just really isn't another good way. The poster saying everyone is shitty for not taking care of their parent at home is just clueless. Many people do not have the means to hire a full time caregiver and many people have to work to pay bills. There just aren't always a lot of good choices.

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I actually do know what I m talking about bc i saw my mother take care of her aging Dementia mother. She went over, whenever needed. Slept over as often needed.

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It took you one more sentence to prove you don't know what you are talking about. Your GM may have had some limited symptoms of dementia (limited aphasia and limited short term memory loss for example) but she did not have full blown dementia symptoms because you don't "go over whenever needed" or "sleep over as often as needed" because it is 24/7/365. And when I say 24 hours a day I mean it, they will often sundown and spend most or the entire night getting up and doing "stupid" things.

Be glad your GM had limited symptoms because it is impossible for a single person to take care of a dementia patient with advanced symptoms because they can not be awake 24 hours a day and they damn sure can't properly care for them and not live with them. So either your mom was a terrible caregiver and patient advocate or you don't know what you are talking about. I know which one is 1000 times more likely.

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You have no fricking idea what you are talking about, especially with a dementia patient.

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This. Some dementia patients CANNOT and SHOULD NOT be living at home. My uncle got to the point where you couldn’t take your eyes off him without him falling in the pool, lighting the house on fire, hitting his head and getting concussed, cutting his face up with a razor, trying to drive off in someone’s car…you name it. He needed to be in a secure memory care environment — for his own safety and that of others.