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re: marriage counseling - whats the point?

Posted on 3/28/18 at 1:58 pm to
Posted by Fat and Happy
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2013
20256 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 1:58 pm to
Just going off what a few folks personally told me, marriage counseling makes the marriage worsen.

Once things are said, they can not be unsaid.

I was told, i would think very very long and hard about going to counseling before i went.
Posted by LSUbase13
Mt. Pleasant, SC
Member since Mar 2008
15060 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 1:58 pm to
To raise those difficult questions that couples seemingly avoid (finances, children, debt, family and in laws, etc.)
Posted by Tempratt
Member since Oct 2013
15333 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:01 pm to
quote:

OHHHHHH..... so this thread is for "a friend" :wink wink:

Posted by member12
Bob's Country Bunker
Member since May 2008
33146 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:02 pm to
quote:

To raise those difficult questions that couples seemingly avoid (finances, children, debt, family and in laws, etc.)


Topics involving children and in laws can be a quick recipe for divorce for otherwise health couples.

If the goal of counseling is to save the marriage, it's unlikely to accomplish that for some issues. Even with a competent counselor.
Posted by dupergreenie
Member since May 2014
10224 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:04 pm to
I went.... wife (now ex) lied the entire time....

On one on one sessions the counselor would agree with me saying how wrong my wife was then in joint session counselor would side with wife.

Actually made stuff a lot worse for our marriage. And if I could some how sue that counselor I would.
Posted by CorkSoaker
Member since Oct 2008
9823 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:04 pm to
A good therapist can help an illogical and selfish way of thinking and develop better mindfulness in individuals and relationships
Posted by Tiger Prawn
Member since Dec 2016
26338 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:06 pm to
Do your neighbor a favor and bang his wife so he can avoid having to go through marriage counseling
Posted by SCLibertarian
Conway, South Carolina
Member since Aug 2013
42682 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:08 pm to
From an attorney's perspective, I find most people attend counseling to seek validation or approval for their pending split, especially women. Most people who need counseling request it far too late imo.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87748 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:08 pm to
I suspect marriage counseling depends a lot on the counselor and maturity of the participants.

I can see how two people can get stuck in a rut and while they want to make a marriage work, they're so filled with resentment and have created so many proxy wars it's difficult to get to the root of the issue. I could see a good, fair marriage counselor helping with that.

Obviously if the marriage counselor sucks (is biased), the couple is immature (one or both lie) or the couple doesn't want to make it work, it'll be useless and/or destructive.
Posted by cleeveclever
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
2046 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:09 pm to
quote:

A good therapist can help an illogical and selfish way of thinking and develop better mindfulness in individuals and relationships


Correct!

While the wrong therapist can widen the communication gap between partners, a good one can really help reset the negative patterns we all fall into.

It was huge for me and my wife. We lost a kid and started taking the grief out on one another and it spiraled into an abyss of frustration and anger over the past 3 years. Our therapist helped us dig out -- but you still have to do all the work and if either of you go about it half-assed, then it will fail.
Posted by Tempratt
Member since Oct 2013
15333 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:09 pm to
quote:

Horrible thread. Not worthy of an actual explanation.

Whats so horrible about it?

It's a serious question. If my wife wanted a divorce there's no way in hell I'd lack the self respect to get "counseling."
Posted by CoachChappy
Member since May 2013
34331 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:12 pm to
quote:

She's cheating on you.

probably with their marriage councilor.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87748 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:13 pm to
quote:

It's a serious question. If my wife wanted a divorce there's no way in hell I'd lack the self respect to get "counseling."



What if she wanted a divorce because you didn't talk to her enough and she didn't feel like you cared about her?

Would your ego still be so ruined?
Posted by NoHoTiger
So many to kill, so little time
Member since Nov 2006
46211 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:14 pm to
quote:

Evil Little Thing

quick hijack... send me an email noho.tiger at yahoo

Marriage counseling works if both people are interested in saving the marriage
Posted by btnetigers
South Louisiana
Member since Aug 2015
2332 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:14 pm to
The ex-wife and I went to marriage counseling. Ex-wife proceeded to tell the counselor that she really didn't feel like the marriage was worth saving - counselor said okay. We ended up divorcing. Money well spent.

Posted by blueboxer1119
Baton Rouge
Member since May 2013
9866 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:17 pm to
The answer is easy.

You go to prove to your wife that she's the one who's in the wrong.

Ask therapist whether some of the crap your wife does is reasonable. Make sure wife is listening, then kick your feet up and relax.

Somebody has to talk sense into women.
*make sure you pick a female therapist. Otherwise wife will assume she's just getting another dudes opinion.
This post was edited on 3/28/18 at 2:18 pm
Posted by Revelator
Member since Nov 2008
62305 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:23 pm to
Some counselors will teach your wife how to make a decent sandwich.
Posted by Tempratt
Member since Oct 2013
15333 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:29 pm to
quote:

.. she didn't feel like you cared about her?


I'd cite all of the shite that i've done for her and say do what you want
Posted by Tempratt
Member since Oct 2013
15333 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:32 pm to
quote:

You go to prove to your wife that she's the one who's in the wrong.

\
We all know that the wife can never be in the wrong.
Posted by DeathValley85
Member since May 2011
19376 posts
Posted on 3/28/18 at 2:34 pm to
I know a couple who has done marriage counseling from the day they got married.

I realize that they are in the minority here...but I thought it was an interesting idea. Using marriage counseling to make their marriage better from day 1.

I also think they get it free though through the husband's insurance so that helps...
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