re: Just found out a couple guys I went to high school with recently killed themselves

Meet me at the sauna.

quote:

---

Like is it a genetic weakness or something.

---

Calling it a “weakness” is probably a disservice to fellow human beings. More likely being prone to underlying conditions like mental illness, substance abuse, and poor health. Others are likely the result of shitty circumstances brought on by environment or shite luck (abuse, orientation, getting laid off, divorced, conviction, a rapid succession of close deaths, etc.)

quote:

---

Therapy is just paying to talk to a lib until you agree with them

---

I believe this holehardly! I have a cousin that was struggling with demons so she started seeing one of these libturd therapists and she is now worse off than ever. Started coloring her hair purple, donates money she don't have to trans rights organizations and more suicidal than ever.

I would be lying if I said there were times I haven’t at least thought about it. Do I have the guts to go through with it? No. All I have to do is look at my little boy and my wife and see the damage that would cause them. Every Christmas I watch “ It’s A Wonderful Life”. A great story on this exact meaning. Yeah I know, it’s an old corny movie. But the message that it sends out helps me go forward again. Life is tough. I can understand how pressure can push people over the edge. I know men don’t talk about it. We probably should though.

did one of them go to Broadmoor?

It's ironic this topic comes up here now, as I'm 41 and I've really been struggling lately. I don't want to make this about me, but I'll offer my perspective.

To be honest I don't want to die, but I also don't want to live either. It's truly the ultimate contradiction. My dad has had several health scares this year, including a stroke that almost killed him. He's 80 and his diabetes and kidney problems are really starting to take over. My mom isn't doing bad by comparison but has major arthritis to the point where it's downright painful for her to walk. Yet she's still trying to take care of my dad.

I live out of state and my sister and brother in law have really helped out with all of this. I can't help but feel a little guilty, though I've done what I can.

But part of it is also me. I am single, I have no kids. I've always been introverted and only had a few close friends. My mentality is that yes, if I ended my life, my family and some close friends would be devastated. But no one truly relies on me financially. I wouldn't have the burden of leaving behind a spouse and kids.

I've honestly thought about just walking into the woods one day and never returning. I'll let a bear eat me or something.

Maybe it's part of a mid life crisis, but I just feel old and worn out, mentally and physically. I have several major health conditions and I just don't feel like I'll ever be able to live the life I truly want to live. It's ironic, someone earlier mention "It's a Wonderful Life", really the only old time Christmas movie I watch. It definitely hits more this year. I relate the main male character, wanting to have such an exotic lifestyle but never truly achieving it (though compared to him, I've lived at least a somewhat exotic lifestyle). But unlike him, I don't have the wife and kids praying for me.

More than anything, I'm lonely and I'm depressed. The best years of my life truly seem behind me. I'm too much of a coward to actually end it and I could never do it to my mom, it would destroy her. But I truly wish some nights I would go to sleep and never wake up. Honestly I feel like I'm sleepwalking through life anyway.

So put me as another one of those white males in his 40s who is struggling. One of those white males in his 40s who probably won't make it to 50. And yes I've tried the whole "working out" thing. I know it's good for you and yes it does momentarily help, but it's fleeting. A lot of activities I used to enjoy I either can't do anymore or just no longer want to do. I feel like I've lost all my passion.

And I get the anger people have at those who end their own life. I get that it's selfish and simply leaves the pain to family and friends. But do you live life simply to keep your family and friends from having that pain? Is that enough. Like I said, hard topic and one that truly hits home to me because of what I'm dealing with right now.

Part of me is still scared to ask for time off on leave due to the stigma though I know my Company would approve. I've definitely seriously considered asking for a 30 day leave of absence to see if I can try to reset myself and get on a better path. I know I need to do something; I just don't know what to do.

(And yes some of you will see I have 1 post. I am a former poster here that still reads this forum daily. I wanted to rejoin for this topic to share my experience and what I'm going through)

In my 50’s now, was great in my 40’s. Now things have slowed down. Life is hard sometimes, keep moving forward. Your dad is 80, that’s great! You may get there too. I probably won’t and am okay with it. My dad died at 64. Mortality hits you then.

quote:

---

In my 50’s now, was great in my 40’s. Now things have slowed down. Life is hard sometimes, keep moving forward. Your dad is 80, that’s great! You may get there too. I probably won’t and am okay with it. My dad died at 64. Mortality hits you then.

---

With my health, I don't see any way I make it to 60, never mind 80. I already almost died 5 years ago when I had strep pneumonia that got into my blood stream and landed me in the hospital for 3 days. Could barely breathe.

My dad is 80, but to me he's already pretty much dead. He's not living at this point, he's just waiting to die. And it's sobering that I could end up the same way.

But I'm just tired. Life isn't any fun to me anymore. I don't really get any genuine joy from life at this point. I don't wake up thinking of the possibilities of the day. I wake up honestly just wanting to go back to sleep. I could sleep for days if I didn't have to work and I know that's terrible for you. I just don't really know what to do with my life at this point. I feel completely lost.

For those of you who have lost men to suicide, did they leave any notes or reasons why? Do you think that would help you to accept it? One thing I've thought, that if I did do it, I would do at least a 5 minute video to each family member and close friend. That way I would give each of them a parting message and hopefully give them some closure. I would tell all of them that there is nothing they could have done to save me and they did nothing wrong. I would hope that it would make them feel better about the whole situation and realize that it was better for me. Thoughts?

My youngest shot himself in the head a few months ago (he survived). Believe me…it was devastating just knowing that he wanted out of this life. Your mom would absolutely be crushed if you opt out. Talk to someone and stay away from alcohol/drugs. They make things so much worse.

MountaineerSaint1983 - Hang in there man. People need you whether you know it or not. Find something new that you like and find a few new friends. We only get 1 shot at this life. Try to find good in things and reach out to God. He is listening all the time and I know that sounds impossible but it's real. He will give you help in the slightest way that you might not even think of and little by little your days will get better. I will be praying for you and sincerely hope you pull thru with your thoughts and move forward without dreading the day. Peace.