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re: Is it logical to get married and not have kids?
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:17 am to Salmon
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:17 am to Salmon
And marriage benefits the children.
If you're not married, living together, with kids, the mother could just walk out with the kids and you have a severe uphill battle (unless you got her to consent to some formal acknowledgement of paternity), and that's saying something considering how badly dads get fricked in divorce proceedings.
If you die, you will want your children to not have to go through unnecessary hoops to inherit, to file a wrongful death suit, etc.
Sure, you could leave everything to your girlfriend in a will, but because you weren't married, the tax implications may be different, and to her detriment.
If you're not married, living together, with kids, the mother could just walk out with the kids and you have a severe uphill battle (unless you got her to consent to some formal acknowledgement of paternity), and that's saying something considering how badly dads get fricked in divorce proceedings.
If you die, you will want your children to not have to go through unnecessary hoops to inherit, to file a wrongful death suit, etc.
Sure, you could leave everything to your girlfriend in a will, but because you weren't married, the tax implications may be different, and to her detriment.
0
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:17 am to rocket31
quote:
We are the only beings capable thinking outside our primal urges; it's only rational to utilize that biological advantage.
correct
like monogamy
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:21 am to Salmon
quote:
but marriage legally makes it more difficult to break up a home
i guess. 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. That isnt even taking into account the ones that "stay together for the kids".
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:23 am to Salmon
Sure if you want to take that risk.
But there is no such thing as "forever love" even though LTR's can be enjoyable experiences.
BUT they have a shelf life, and no one really knows in advance how long that shelf life is. It could be 3 months, 3 years, or 10 years. Who knows.
But there is no such thing as "forever love" even though LTR's can be enjoyable experiences.
BUT they have a shelf life, and no one really knows in advance how long that shelf life is. It could be 3 months, 3 years, or 10 years. Who knows.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:24 am to Lester Earl
never claimed marriage was perfect or a broken home couldn't come from marriage
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:25 am to rocket31
Biological advantage????? If everyone thought like you, the species would end!! The biological advantage IS the desire to reproduce.
I'm not even advocating for everyone to want children. But your travelling bullshite isn't all that impressive either. Doesn't take anything other than desire.
I'm not even advocating for everyone to want children. But your travelling bullshite isn't all that impressive either. Doesn't take anything other than desire.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:25 am to nugget
get a vasectomy and a prenuptial agreement.
otherwise, you will have kids if you are fertile and having sex on the reg.
it happens.
I am glad to see your point of view. if two billion people followed your example and took themselves out of the gene pool, we might avoid the worst of over population.
otherwise, you will have kids if you are fertile and having sex on the reg.
it happens.
I am glad to see your point of view. if two billion people followed your example and took themselves out of the gene pool, we might avoid the worst of over population.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:26 am to Lester Earl
Yeah, marriage is a weird deal. It's tough and for a lot of people it's just not possible, especially in today's world.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:27 am to rocket31
quote:
But there is no such thing as "forever love"
well this is absolutely false
couples might fall out of lust for one another, but there are plenty of couple that die absolutely in love with the one that they married decades before
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:30 am to KG6
quote:
But your travelling bullshite isn't all that impressive either.
Most people are level-headed enough to know that isn't the sole reason. It is just a knee-jerk response because people who don't want children or who are on the fence are often attacked over that feeling. It is only natural for humans to dig for the most childish and bitchy response we can when someone attacks us.
But -- Realistically, there are still some freedoms lost and denying that would be silly. It is only a matter of whether losing those freedoms matters to you or not. Parents often say that having children changes you entire life.. right before they go on to say they wouldn't change it for the world. It is only when this topic about having kids comes up that suddenly the preaching about kids changing your life disappears. They were right the first time - kids change your whole life. And that is okay.
For example, a friend has been planning to spend next weekend with us for weeks now. But his almost 6-month-old baby has caused him to have to cancel last minute. Obviously, he wouldn't change that for anything. Even though his baby was somewhat unplanned and the situation around it was less than desirable (he and the wife split while she was still pregnant), he doesn't wish he didn't have the baby. He doesn't want her to disappear from his life. She is here now and he adores her. But to argue that his small freedoms aren't gone would simply be incorrect. He does end up missing things he doesn't want to miss.
For some people, missing those things is nothing compared to being a parent. But I think it is reasonable to realize that for some other people, the chance that they might learn to love a kid they didn't want isn't worth it.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:33 am to Salmon
quote:
never claimed marriage was perfect or a broken home couldn't come from marriage
and i never claimed you said that. You just said it was harder to break up if you are married, which is kind of pointless, because if you are married and fighting, that isn't exactly good for the kids either.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:35 am to LouisianaLady
Again, I'm not for everyone having kids at all. And without a doubt it changes your life and some "freedoms" are lost due to your responsibilities. Just saying that the losses of those freedoms is so far down on the list of things you care about when you have a kid, that it's negligible. So to use that as a basis for reasoning isn't the strongest argument in my opinion. Since you will most likely not care once you have kids.
Plenty of reasons to not want them, but that is a stupid reason.
Plenty of reasons to not want them, but that is a stupid reason.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:36 am to SabiDojo
quote:
Yeah, marriage is a weird deal. It's tough and for a lot of people it's just not possible, especially in today's world.
my parents split when i was in high school. It made growing up easier for me. There just isnt some uniform rulebook to raising kids. The "bond" of marriage is pretty irrelevant to good parenting.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:37 am to nugget
Yes it is "logical" because of the benefits in place. However, those benefits are there to encourage reproduction and a nuclear family so you are essentially cheating the system.
I'm sure this has already been captured by now, sorry haven't read.
I'm sure this has already been captured by now, sorry haven't read.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:51 am to KG6
quote:
Plenty of reasons to not want them, but that is a stupid reason.
It's just as valid as any reason you can give someone for having a kid.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 11:56 am to DisplacedBuckeye
I remember in one of my psychology classes in school, the number one cause for depression is having a child. Also, most people's brain reacts to having a child the same as losing a loved one.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 12:00 pm to OBReb6
quote:
However, those benefits are there to encourage reproduction and a nuclear family so you are essentially cheating the system.
I'd love for you to expand on these benefits a bit more.
Posted on 3/28/16 at 12:01 pm to DisplacedBuckeye
quote:
It's just as valid as any reason you can give someone for having a kid.
-The first time I saw my son walk
-When he runs to me when I pick him up from daycare
-Saturday mornings just laying on the couch watching cartoons with him
-Knowing one day I'll get to play baseball with him like my dad did with me
-Knowing that we are building a family that we can get together on Christmas 50 years from now
-etc.
All those things blow any vacation/cocktail party/night out at the bar/etc. I've ever been a part of out of the water. It's a stupid reasoning to me (again I did say it's my opinion)
Posted on 3/28/16 at 12:03 pm to nugget
Not according to G. Gordan Liddy. He always says on his DC radio show that marriage is to re procreate the species. There is no reason to get married if you do not plan on doing that. I concur
Posted on 3/28/16 at 12:07 pm to nugget
Every parent is a proud parent who in no way ever regrets having had their child.
I have learned this on the OT.
I have learned this on the OT.
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