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Started By
Message
re: Involuntary Singleness/Childlessness/Loneliness
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:45 am to V Bainbridge
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:45 am to V Bainbridge
quote:
You have anxiety and a bit of depression it seems. Your problem is your mentality as evidenced by:
Good advice and I admit I do suffer from anxiety. I've still never figured out if I actually suffer from depression or just extreme loneliness.
quote:
Spend your days trying to better yourself instead of worrying about pointless shite and everything you are worried about not having will fall into place. Be constant in your drive and daily routines.
Something I am definitely trying to start now. There are activities I used to enjoy that I just don't do anymore and I want to get back to doing them. I'm going to try to look at volunteering as well.
0
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:45 am to CFLSaint
quote:
On her facebook profile she's single but I ran into her roommate last week, asked the roommate if she was seeing anyone and she indicated that she is
She's still available. Don't listen to the roommate. If she's FB single then shoot your shot.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:46 am to CFLSaint
quote:
even if I were to find a woman that I loved and would marry we're probably talking about 41 or 42 before we would be having kids.
Get a Russian mail order 25 year old and knock her up.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:47 am to CFLSaint
Dating apps. Change your bar scene if you go out for drinks. Network. It sucks. I started dating a girl right before the pandemic. It forced us to somewhat live together/isolate off and on for 2 weeks cause her roommate worked in retirement home. I bought a house and now we actually live together. I'll probably put a ring on her finger before too long.
This post was edited on 11/14/21 at 11:47 am
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:47 am to CFLSaint
quote:
and I was okay being single my whole life.
quote:
I was someone who never had any desire to have kids until a year or two ago
It’s not involuntary.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:48 am to CFLSaint
quote:
I don't want to blame it on women but I do agree that a lot of women let themselves go. I honestly feel like I have lowered my standards already and I feel like my standards aren't crazy high. I'm right at slightly overweight but by no means obese (5'7", 162 lbs) and I'm starting to work our regularly again. One of my only standards is I won't date a woman who is significantly overweight or obese. I don't think that's being unreasonable.
But yeah my dating life has always been a disaster. I swear I somehow always get attracted to women who are in relationships or have kids already. I've debated if I should relax my standards even more and be willing to date a woman who has kids but I'm not sure I'm willing to do that yet.
Just recently there was a bartender (really beautiful and sweet) that I was attracted to. It's a local bar I go to regularly so we know each other pretty well and give each other hugs every time I'm there. She's even a Saints fan which is awesome. On her facebook profile she's single but I ran into her roommate last week, asked the roommate if she was seeing anyone and she indicated that she is. So another blow there.
I feel like this is going to be used at evidence at some sort of trial or mental compentency hearing
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:50 am to CFLSaint
If you set a level of expectation for a woman to meet, most likely your expectation will be unknowningly too high.
Most people don’t just give lots of men and women chance in dating.
Do everything you can to get dates and just see where any of them go. Don’t talk yourself out of a relationship and just give the person a chance
Most people don’t just give lots of men and women chance in dating.
Do everything you can to get dates and just see where any of them go. Don’t talk yourself out of a relationship and just give the person a chance
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:51 am to DeltaTigerDelta
Classifieds:
Male looking for Marriage
Female
Age 25-30 preferred
The Bachelor-watching a no-go
Male looking for Marriage
Female
Age 25-30 preferred
The Bachelor-watching a no-go
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:51 am to CFLSaint
Same here. I was 40, single, no kids. Went through quarantine and even having covid by myself, I’d go on vacations by myself, and basically do everything alone. I have a ton of friends, but they’re all married with families so our lifestyles are completely different. I was feeling similar to you. I had tried the dating apps and even tho I met some great women, there was always some type of weird issue. Most women on dating apps have weird, fricked up issues and I’ve noticed they’re batshit crazy. I’ve also never wanted kids, so that was always a problem with women my age. Then one night, about 3 months ago, I met an old friend out for drinks and she brought a gf along. The friend and I hit it off. Since then, the friend and I have been inseparable. And she has 2 kids. I vowed to never date a woman with kids but in this case it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t be happier. Two weeks before I met her, I deleted all the dating apps and stopped looking. Then bam, a good woman literally walked into my life. Will it last forever? I sure hope so, but even if it doesn’t, i learned a valuable lesson. Just let it happen and don’t dwell on the negative aspects. It’ll all fall into place at the right time. Hope this helps
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:54 am to CFLSaint
Hello FBI guy.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:54 am to CFLSaint
Dude you're 38. Go find a 27-29 yo single childless woman.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:54 am to CFLSaint
quote:
I bring this up as I'm a 38 year old man and am truly suffering from all three right now. I was someone who never had any desire to have kids until a year or two ago (despite how horrible the current situation is). I was willing to get married if it was the right woman but I absolutely was no going to settle and I was okay being single my whole life.
It comes and goes but yesterday I randomly watched a good family comedy movie. Later on I went to a festival in my area and saw all the families there. It was one of the few times in my life where my involuntary singleness, childlessness and loneliness hit me all at once. I felt very close to just breaking down emotionally.
I realize now that I made a terrible mistake in my 20s that I will most likely have to live with the rest of my life. I've never had a huge amount of success with dating, and even if I were to find a woman that I loved and would marry we're probably talking about 41 or 42 before we would be having kids. We all know that at that age there is a much higher chance of birth defects or ailments like autism/down syndrome/ADHD. Plus I have several ailments myself that I wouldn't want to pass on. Honestly I would be more inclined at that age to go through IVF.
I think the big thing is the pandemic really made me realize how alone I really am. Yes I always had friends around but we all know when the going gets tough family is what gets your through. I'm isolated from parts of my family and of course when the pandemic hit everyone essentially retreated to their families. I had plenty of friends who flat out said "hey, we'll hang out again after the pandemic is over". Two I've still yet to see again post pandemic.
It also doesn't help that I've seen many friends of mine who have gotten married and have families of their own now. Some I've stayed in touch with but others I've lost touch with or maybe only talk to a few times a year.
I just feel like I've wasted my life. I realize now that while I've had a lot of fun in my life (great friends, a lot of traveling, a lot of various activities) it all just seems really hollow now. I feel like my life is hollow and I feel like at the end of the day I don't really have anything to show for it.
I have two nieces and while I love them we don't have much in common. I only see them a few times a year anyway. I think I would've loved to have had kids that I could shared myself with. And yes I know they wouldn't be just like me, but at least I could've been a father to them. And maybe just maybe they would've had a few of the same passions as me.
Anyone else in the mid 30s - mid 40s kind of going through this right now? It just feels really hopeless right now and I worry that I've really blown it.
Damn bro, calm down. There are plenty of late 20s early 30s women looking/dying to meet dudes and start a family. My dad traveled the world until he was in his mid 40s and married my mom who is 10 years younger and had my sister and myself. Definitely have a few years left until you should start stressing over this.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:57 am to BeachDude022
I WAS married, lost a child then divorced lost stepkid. Spent my 40's-56 having a lot of meaningless sex with 8.5's
I never had to tell anyone where I was, ask permission or apologize
Then I had my stroke now my only friend is my kitty and I will most definitely die alone
but I did have a lot of sex
I never had to tell anyone where I was, ask permission or apologize
Then I had my stroke now my only friend is my kitty and I will most definitely die alone
but I did have a lot of sex
Posted on 11/14/21 at 11:59 am to OWLFAN86
quote:
Then I had my stroke now my only friend is my kitty and I will most definitely die alone
That’s such bullshite! Next time I’m in town we’re grabbing a beer.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 12:00 pm to BigDawg0420
quote:
Like you said, you have great friends, you traveled the country/world, and got to experience things many others have not. There’s nothing hollow about that
Cringe
He’s a dude not some 30’s pudgy career woman
The only acceptable reasons for a man to travel are for business or war
Posted on 11/14/21 at 12:01 pm to CFLSaint
quote:
were to find a woman that I loved and would marry we're probably talking about 41 or 42 before we would be having kids. We all know that at that age there is a much higher chance of birth defects or ailments like autism/down syndrome/ADHD.
Find a 20-30s y/o
Posted on 11/14/21 at 12:01 pm to CFLSaint
Several things I’ll point out or suggest…
1. See a doctor or therapist about anxiety and depression
2. Dating apps make this all like shooting fish in a barrel. Take the machine gun approach, fire enough bullets and you’ll hit something. Don’t find reasons not to go on a date with a woman.
3. Lower your standards. Who cares if she has kids. You said it yourself that you wanted a child.
4. You never know when that special woman will walk into your life. It usually happens when you least expect it.
5. In order to find that special someone, it might require you to take several different women on dates. Do it.
6. Who cares if a girl is seeing someone? How committed is that relationship? I’m not saying you should go hit on married chicks, but disregard what bartender’s roommate said. Throw it out there to this girl that you are attracted to her, and at least you’ve planted that seed.
1. See a doctor or therapist about anxiety and depression
2. Dating apps make this all like shooting fish in a barrel. Take the machine gun approach, fire enough bullets and you’ll hit something. Don’t find reasons not to go on a date with a woman.
3. Lower your standards. Who cares if she has kids. You said it yourself that you wanted a child.
4. You never know when that special woman will walk into your life. It usually happens when you least expect it.
5. In order to find that special someone, it might require you to take several different women on dates. Do it.
6. Who cares if a girl is seeing someone? How committed is that relationship? I’m not saying you should go hit on married chicks, but disregard what bartender’s roommate said. Throw it out there to this girl that you are attracted to her, and at least you’ve planted that seed.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 12:01 pm to The Spleen
quote:
Well, you’ve hit the age where chances are good that if you fall in love with a woman, she has kids you can help raise.
No surprise that the board liberal is advocating cuckoldry
Posted on 11/14/21 at 12:02 pm to CFLSaint
Sorry bud, kids are the best things in life, and then if you are lucky you get to be a part of your grandkids lives.
Posted on 11/14/21 at 12:04 pm to BeachDude022
quote:
Next time I’m in town we’re grabbing a beer.
then I'll come back to my shite apartment to clean cat puke she gets upset when alone and eventually die there
but I have great hair and all that sex,,, when people complain about how difficult it is to meet women I just don't get it,, they are EVERYWHERE and tons of them make very poor choices... be that poor choice!!!!
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