re: How patient should you be in a relationship?

How active are you in one on one care for your child and how active have you been since his birth? Your girlfriend/fiancée/ whatever had had a long hard road. You should think long and hard about all the work and love she has put in to caring for your son. Believe me when I say she has been living a hell type of life. Caring for a child with so many issues is not easy and she is more woman than most for having done so much. Wake up Boy!!!

Oh, and adding, It's not all about you anymore!

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If I had a kid with someone, I'd put in as much effort as I possibly could for the child's sake.

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this...

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ETA: unmarried, but engaged (2018)

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There are billions of women on this planet. If you were single, you should have left a while ago. Kids complicate things. But if you're putting more work into the relationship than her and she is still shitty to you means there is something else going on. Stop doing the right things you were doing before and see how she reacts. In all likelihood she has lost respect for you.

And just remember that the person who is willing to walk away first usually has most of the power.

tldr: stop being the nice guy fiance and put your foot down. Be willing to walk away.

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Yeah we've tried working it out. It just winds up causing a huge fight most of the time. Truth be told, she's a good mother and our child is the only reason I haven't broken it off

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Therapy. That's all the advice anyone can give you that will help. If you have a fight every time you try to address the issues in your relationship, then you have a communication problem that will not magically fix itself. You need a professional to help you guys out.

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but then again I work on towboats so I'm gone for weeks at a time

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I'm a genius on this topic, listen carefully she is FFfrickIN ANOTHER DUDE!!!.

All the markers and signs are staring you in the face and you are listing them in your rant. 2+2 is still 4 bro. By the time you get home from your hitch she has had that thing beat down for weeks. Now she has to "put up with you" until the next rotation. Its depressing to her to have to deal with you when she has him ot them on her mind.

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Of course this comes from a woman on this website.

Yea, lets drag someone else into this shitty relationship to become a referee. Get the frick out of here with this bullshite.

The worst thing for the kid would be growing up in a shitty household watching his parents fight. I don't know why people think "just be together and make it work, even if you're absolutely miserable, for the kids". Be yourself, be civil, provide and give the kid a good life.

To the OP, get the ring back and move on.

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This is fricking dumb. Going to a therapist doesn't mean that you're committing to staying in a bad relationship forever. It means you're going to see someone who will help both of you figure out whether the relationship can and should work. Sometimes the outcome of therapy is that the couple parts amicably because they realize that they just aren't compatible.

Other times, they figure out what's going wrong between them, they realize they can work on those things, and they end up happier and healthier because of it.

If they were childless, then frick yeah, call it quits. But with a child, I think they need to do their due diligence and work with a professional before they call it off.

Your heart is in the right place--you don't want their kid to grow up with parents who are miserable together. But it's not time to quit yet, because they don't know if their issues can be resolved.

For the child's sake, try to stick it out. If your SO is willing to fight to make it right, then do all you can whether it be counseling, talking to a pastor or trusted middle man.

One of the lines to one of my favorite songs says it best, "Love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for".

most pastors will try to bang the ole lady during a counseling session.

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This makes a lot on sense. I want to do the right thing here. He also has a slew of medical problems (was born premature, had to be on an oxygen concentrator, multicystic kidney, bronco pulmonary dysplacia, failure to thrive). He was 1 pound when he was born and stayed in the NICU for 108 days. That was terrible for everyone to go through. I just want the best for him, but I'm concerned he'll see how unhappy we are. Im trying to be patient but I the relationship with his mother has been a drag and I don't feel appreciated.

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Well, she's obviously under just as much stress as you are with her being the primary caretaker for your son.

Both of you could benefit from counseling. And maybe call off the wedding for now. I don't see how getting married will make matters better.