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re: How long did it take your parents to get over their divorce?
Posted on 5/10/22 at 11:45 am to Rick9Plus
Posted on 5/10/22 at 11:45 am to Rick9Plus
quote:
Hopefully you won’t get to step 3.
Already past step 3.
Probably could have handled step 1 and 2 better though I admit.
This post was edited on 5/10/22 at 11:46 am
1
Posted on 5/10/22 at 11:49 am to yellowfin
quote:
I’m not a broken home kid
I'm not either and look how I turned out. Proof that parents staying together can still have a total fricktard of a child.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 11:51 am to NATidefan
I didn't talk to my dad for several years after the divorce.
She told me he did all sorts of things I didn't know about. I believed her. But as time has gone on I'm not sure that I believe all or much of it anymore.
But she completely believes it.
It's when she started making up stuff I know didn't happen I started to question her.
Dad just let me work through it and come to my own realization about her.
But since my family and I reestablished a relationship with him it's become a major issue and source of conflict.
She told me he did all sorts of things I didn't know about. I believed her. But as time has gone on I'm not sure that I believe all or much of it anymore.
But she completely believes it.
It's when she started making up stuff I know didn't happen I started to question her.
Dad just let me work through it and come to my own realization about her.
But since my family and I reestablished a relationship with him it's become a major issue and source of conflict.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 11:57 am to NATidefan
quote:
I did this about three years ago and have repeatedly asked her not to bring him up or try to have discussions about him.
That's when she started probing my wife and kids about him.
Got in a huge fight with her about a month ago about her still probing and talking negatively about him in front of all of us.
Pretty much have cut off communication with her since.
Then if she can’t take the hint that’s on her. She’s so angry with him that she’s become toxic to everyone else. And that’s not going to resolve until she talks to someone about it.
Of course you can’t force her into therapy. You can reiterate she needs to talk to someone but until she’s willing you can only do what you’ve done so far.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:04 pm to NATidefan
Until the day my parents died my mom never got over it. My dad did somewhat, but when they were both terminally ill they kind of reconnected.
Best way to deal if to tell her to stop or cut her out. Explain the negativity she is bringing does not benefit the relationship she has with you or your children. If she wants to keep the relationship with y'all leave his name out of her mouth.
Best way to deal if to tell her to stop or cut her out. Explain the negativity she is bringing does not benefit the relationship she has with you or your children. If she wants to keep the relationship with y'all leave his name out of her mouth.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:08 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
If she wants to keep the relationship with y'all leave his name out of her mouth.
That's almost verbatim what I told her in the last argument.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:09 pm to NATidefan
My parents still don't really like each other but they are cordial. I don't think they really worry about what the other one is doing. They've also been divorced for like 35 years.
My mom has been remarried a long time. My dad said he'd never get married again and has not.
My mom has been remarried a long time. My dad said he'd never get married again and has not.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:09 pm to NATidefan
My parents weren't married, and in some ways I think it has benefited me more than my dad being around all the time and leaving in adolescence. I knew from the jump he wasn't invested. I do think it robbed me of normally masculine traits, but I think it's forced me to think about a lot of those events in a different manner than my friends who had father figures around.
My mom seemed fine with the whole single parent ordeal and eventually married someone. She was never terribly interested in what my dad was up to.
My mom seemed fine with the whole single parent ordeal and eventually married someone. She was never terribly interested in what my dad was up to.
This post was edited on 5/10/22 at 12:11 pm
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:12 pm to HoustonChick86
But she claims that she doesn't bring him up.
That it's my kids that talk to her about him and bring him up. Or his coworkers ask her about him and she is just asking for them. Or his family asks her about him and ask her to ask us. Ect, etc. Bunch of nonsense.
Of course my kids don't want to have these discussions with her. They are in their teens and old enough that they realize what she's doing, but try to be nice.
That it's my kids that talk to her about him and bring him up. Or his coworkers ask her about him and she is just asking for them. Or his family asks her about him and ask her to ask us. Ect, etc. Bunch of nonsense.
Of course my kids don't want to have these discussions with her. They are in their teens and old enough that they realize what she's doing, but try to be nice.
This post was edited on 5/10/22 at 2:24 pm
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:12 pm to NATidefan
quote:
That's almost verbatim what I told her in the last argument.
Last argument seems like its time for cut out.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:15 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
Last argument seems like its time for cut out.
Yeah it's just hard. She's still my mom. She's always been there for me.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:16 pm to NATidefan
quote:
How long did it take your parents to get over their divorce?
My grandmother divorced my biological grandfather in the early 60's.
We're still dealing with her and the 2nd husband's (who I was raised to think was my grandfather) gaslighting bullshite about why she left him.
That side of the family still pushes lies about my real grandfather, even though we found out he was just a good ole baw who always put her and the kids first.
He ended up dying of brain cancer before he could ever see my mom grown up, as well as me and my siblings.
This post was edited on 5/10/22 at 12:20 pm
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:16 pm to NATidefan
I understand. Been there and done it, it is hard but really helped. And we reconnected a few months later when she realized I wasn't putting up with her crap.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:17 pm to NATidefan
Aporoximately three years and six months.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:20 pm to SuperSaint
quote:
I was fortunate enough to not have trashy parents
quote:
SuperSaint
Then what happened to you?
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:20 pm to TexasTiger89
quote:
had the same thought in my head for 27 years and then boom I got called to my parents house for a talk. After 29 years of marriage my Dad was calling it quits.
I’ve been told if you build your entire marriage around your kids, empty nesting will cause the marriage to fail.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:20 pm to mikelbr
quote:
Proof that parents staying together can still have a total fricktard of a child.
But they avoid the eternal damnation
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:29 pm to NATidefan
About a week after the papers were signed.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:33 pm to NATidefan
quote:Thats brutal
She keeps track of what my dad is up to. Probes me and my family for information about him. Still speaks negatively of him often. Has manifested bad things in the past he never did. Had discussions with my kids about their issues and how "bad" he was to her. Basically still obsessed with him.
Posted on 5/10/22 at 12:38 pm to NATidefan
quote:
My parents got divorced 12 years ago when they were 59
I'm not going to lie, that terrifies me. I'll be married 6 years this year, and love it or hate it, I want to be in for the long haul. I love my wife to death, I love my kids home with me everyday. I can't imagine doing this weekend shite with kids. Seeing someone get a divorce at 59 tells me you cannot escape that shite no matter what.
Anyway, I guess it takes a lot longer, then longer they've been married. Someone married a couple years will probably get over it pretty quick. 30 years together would be tough. Especially if they don't date or have something occupy their time.
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