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re: How do you handle a "Free Time Imbalance? in a relationship?
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:34 am to SlowFlowPro
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:34 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
I was informed that it wasn't fair that one got to skip work while the other one worked.
We’ve had opposite work schedules for almost 8 years. I can’t imagine playing tit for tat over the perks of someone’s schedule and I’d be pissed if anyone expected me to sit around and make up shite to do just because they have to be at work.
1
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:35 am to LouisianaLady
Hijack
Omg did you see starry’s new bby opossum friends
Omg did you see starry’s new bby opossum friends
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:37 am to S
Cinnamon Roll and BAGUETTE! 
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:38 am to LouisianaLady
Ugh I want to hug them
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:45 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
and I was informed that it wasn't fair that one got to skip work while the other one worked.
I would have stopped her right there. That's just jealousy.
quote:
If the partner with free time makes more money, can this ever escape utter jealousy long term?
Maybe. But only if the jealous person understands the person with more time probably took some risks and worked their arse off at some point earlier in time to earn the free time they have now.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:47 am to SlowFlowPro
When my ex had less time available for me than I had for her, our relationship was pretty smooth. I could handle being rationed and compartmentalized and made an effort to make sure that what time we could have together was memorable. When that dynamic flipped, and I had less time for her than she had for me, the relationship spiraled downward quickly. When I had to set hard boundaries about when I could see her and talk to her (on account of me having a job that worked a lot of hours starting very early in the morning), she was never able to compromise. She constantly felt like I was pushing her away. When we did have time together, she was distant. Eventually, rather than try to make good on the time I could give to her (which was the vast majority of time I wasn't at work, including the time I should have spent sleeping), she took it for granted, couldn't see that I was making sacrifices in my own quality of life to accommodate her, and instead began seeking out attention from other men when I wasn't available.
This post was edited on 4/30/19 at 9:49 am
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:49 am to SlowFlowPro
I haven't read all this but I hope someone points out that you're stupid as frick.
quote:
Inbalance
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:50 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
That's the "free time imbalance" i referenced in the subject. Basically one party has more flexibility or less work demands and ends up having to do the lion share of household chores and child rearing.
She won't be bitching then.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:53 am to SlowFlowPro
A little different but along the same lines is my wife and I. I have a taxing work schedule which ranges from 56 to 92 hours depending on my call schedule. Some weekends require me working from 6 am to 10 pm both Sat and Sun. My wife is a stay at home mom and ferries the kids around to school and after school activities. She naturally has more down time than I do and frequently goes to lunch with friends or shops. And honestly, I don’t really care. Now what does bug me is when I get a weekend free, she decides it’s time for me to help her clean the house. My time is valuable and I especially cherish it with my kids. I feel the house cleaning is something that can and should be taken care during the week and not expected of me, especially after having worked 12 days straight.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:58 am to TH03
quote:
She never gave me any shite from the start and I had no signs to say she might later.
That’s good. I meant marriage is different because you gotta work through it most of the time.
I agree with the fact that you should be able to see these signs before you get married. I don’t think people change unless they were lying about who they are or how they felt hoping things would change after marriage. I have no clue. Never been married haha.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:06 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
How do you handle a "Free Time Inbalance? in a relationship?
As a consultant I've had this issues with my wife. She works a traditional office job and even only works 35 hours a week. My schedule varies wildly from being in between projects and working 15-20 hours from home to traveling to 8 different cities in one month and working weekends and holidays.
She used to be upset when I'd spend a random tuesday lounging around the house but now she understand that i take my free time when i can get it because i never know when I'll have it again. It can cause issues though.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:11 am to SlowFlowPro
My wife is a 5th grade teacher and I run a business. She has way more free time. Idgaf. She knows when I say I'm going to the garage to brew beer and get loaded that I need the solo time and she leaves me be. She's free to do whatever she wants on the 300 holidays a year she gets.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:14 am to SlowFlowPro
I would start by not spending all my free time on a message board
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:20 am to rondo
I only got like 3-4 hours sleep last night and had to take my dog to the vet this am so my apologies for a typo
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:22 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
I was informed that it wasn't fair that one got to skip work while the other one worked.
Let me guess...it is the female partner upset in this situation?
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:23 am to Bwmdx
quote:
Now what does bug me is when I get a weekend free, she decides it’s time for me to help her clean the house. My time is valuable and I especially cherish it with my kids.
i feel you have a gripe for sure, based on your arrangement
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:26 am to CoachChappy
quote:"But I just want you to do these things without me making a list...."
I tell her to make a list.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:31 am to Displaced
quote:
It's not a "time inbalance".
Women are just petty
Or that they’re largely incapable of balancing time.
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:31 am to Pilot Tiger
oh lord my blood pressure is raging now
i actually checked a book out from the library about this. the book sucked, generally but had a good overall description. men compartmentalize and women just kind of lump everything together. it's why they can't unwind from work and why they take it so personally. it's also why they don't organize things like that, b/c it's all just one continuous effort
the book is called men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti, for a visual metaphor
i actually checked a book out from the library about this. the book sucked, generally but had a good overall description. men compartmentalize and women just kind of lump everything together. it's why they can't unwind from work and why they take it so personally. it's also why they don't organize things like that, b/c it's all just one continuous effort
the book is called men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti, for a visual metaphor
Posted on 4/30/19 at 10:34 am to Cosmo
quote:
Let me guess...it is the female partner upset in this situation?
Women will never be satisfied by the amount of housework a man does even if he does literally ALL of it. It is like trying to fill a cup with no bottom. Even if you do all of it, they will simply criticize how you do it.
See, women complain as a means of projecting their insecurities and venting their frustrations. When they nag about free time imbalances, it is because they feel guilty about the fact that they're not being productive at their jobs or that they slacked off at home in their free time when they know they had more important things to do. Nearly every time a woman complains about these things, she is really just trying to cover for the fact that she feels guilty.
This rule actually applies to far more than just free time imbalance and household chores. The women who berate their men for looking at other women do so because THEY look at other men and feel bad about it. Those that constantly snoop and suspect their man of cheating do so because THEY either cheated or have thought seriously about cheating. If they're mad at you for taking a day off and not getting anything done at home, it's because they feel guilty for not getting more done on their day off at home. If they complain about you not giving them enough affection, it's because they feel guilty for not feeling attraction to you and wanting to give attention.
Women may as well all work in movie theaters because they are all master projectionists.
This post was edited on 4/30/19 at 10:35 am
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