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re: How do you handle a "Free Time Imbalance? in a relationship?

Posted on 4/30/19 at 8:51 am to
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
84097 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 8:51 am to
Mrs Pimp and I opted out a decade ago and created our own gig together. On average I work from 4pm to 9pm 4 days a week. Mrs Pimp sets my appointments and does my dirty work from around 1 pm to 6 pm 5 days a week. Both of us indulge our hobbies ( exercise mostly) in our free time. I do have a “ Vacation Imbalance” because I take three weeks a year by myself to wander the world. This DOES cause problems. But I will continue because Life is getting shorter every day.
Posted by Klark Kent
Houston via BR
Member since Jan 2008
69840 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 8:56 am to
During the school year
I have a lot more free time than my wife.
If she’s stuck working til 9PM, yeah sure I’ll unload/load the dishwasher, feed the dogs, and set the coffee pot to help out.
But that’s 15 minutes of my time.
The rest I do what I want and she is fine with that.


My wife is off 2 months in the summer as a teacher.
I insist she enjoy her time off
But she also goes above and beyond cleaning, cooking, and organizing sometimes


It’s called marriage. It’s built around self sacrifice
The women in the OP sounds like a bitch
Posted by The Pirate King
Pangu
Member since May 2014
61485 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 8:58 am to
Having been a part of a relationship imbalance, the women are usually angry and petty about a guy having to do less work than them.
Posted by TexasTiger89
Houston, TX
Member since Feb 2005
25721 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 8:59 am to
quote:

free time imbalance


Stupid concept. Sometimes I have more free time and most of the time my wife has more. So what.
Posted by YOURADHERE
Member since Dec 2006
8259 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:00 am to
My wife and I deal with this, I work a set Mon-Fri 8-5, on call some weekends, she works 3 days a week, 11am-11pm, and every other weekend. It's not that hard, neither of us are jealous people, we both use our separate free time to take care of things around the house but don't flip out if the other takes time for themselves. Sometimes I do stuff solo with our friends, sometimes she does. It sucks at times but it is what it is. She's soon be swapping to 3 days, 7am-7pm, every 3rd weekend, so having a couple hours in the evening with free time together will be great.
Posted by TOSOV
Member since Jan 2016
8922 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:00 am to
Wasn't "fair" is the deep issue here.
Posted by Klark Kent
Houston via BR
Member since Jan 2008
69840 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:03 am to
Any time one partner starts tracking free time, chores, paying for things.....it’s a sign that a long term relationship isn’t going to work.

If you love this person then it doesn’t matter and it won’t matter to them
Posted by facher08
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2011
5159 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:06 am to
quote:

petty about a guy having to do less work than them.


In my case, it wasn't even less work. We worked the same amount of time. I made a conscious decision to work longer during the week so I could finish earlier, but she was too stubborn and jealous to accept that.
Posted by 337tigergirl
Houston
Member since Jan 2012
6556 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:10 am to
My ex was like this. Exact same situation but not married.
I’m in sales and I work from home.
He worked 6 am-6 pm in construction pm.
I would get day drunk with friends and he would get pissy with me when he got home from work.
I made my own money and didn’t rely on him so i didn’t understand why he could be so annoyed. Maybe it was FOMO.
Well.. I guess that’s another reason he’s an ex.

Marriage is different though. Depending on how long they have been married, i doubt this is a new attitude for her.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
452107 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:10 am to
the fascinating thing about this thread is the assumption of the sexes of the parties
Posted by The Spleen
Member since Dec 2010
38865 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:11 am to
My wife is off every Friday save for an occasional conference call or something. I've never once even thought about telling her how she should spend her day off. She usually spends most of it doing laundry which gets backlogged Monday through Thursday, then bitches about how much laundry there is to do for a family of 4.


But I can absolutely admit I'm jealous AF she gets every Friday off. But I would never hold it over her head. She works her arse off Monday through Thursday, often times taking calls late into the night.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
452107 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:12 am to
quote:

Marriage is different though.

see i don't get this

and i make these threads b/c i'm honestly curious about how people see these things b/c i am clueless about this stuff
Posted by idlewatcher
Planet Arium
Member since Jan 2012
87015 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:16 am to
quote:

my gf told me about some friends of her's that are both professionals but one is self employed and one is an employee.


mmmhmmm sureeeee. Just come clean mang!
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
452107 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:19 am to
this thread is a learning experience to me b/c i can see the same issues emerging possibly. trying to learn here
Posted by TH03
Mogadishu
Member since Dec 2008
171903 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:19 am to
quote:

Marriage is different though.


You should be able to see signs though.

My wife and I have never worked the same hours from when we met to now. I worked nights and weekends before so I would have random weekdays off. Now I have normal hours, but in a low stress sales where I have a lot more free time and I start early so I am able to finish my day early.

She never gave me any shite from the start and I had no signs to say she might later.
Posted by jimbeam
University of LSU
Member since Oct 2011
75703 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:20 am to
Start selling Essential Oils
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
51830 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:21 am to
quote:

 I won't be guilt tripped for having more free time. 

I have 30 days of PTO and my wife has 15. It makes her a little jealous when I'm off doing nothing but she's not a bitch about it.
Posted by facher08
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2011
5159 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:26 am to
quote:

but she's not a bitch about it.


That's the key. Some anxiety, jealousy, irritability is to be expected in relationships. You know you've found a winner when your partner doesn't allow those negative emotions to affect you or other people.
Posted by JohnDoe00
Houston, TX
Member since Feb 2019
885 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:26 am to
quote:

30 days of PTO
I'm also jealous of you Fallguy
Posted by Greenie10
Member since Apr 2019
225 posts
Posted on 4/30/19 at 9:30 am to
I get 7 weeks PTO a year. The wife gets about 3. We take 3 big vacations together, but I also take about 2 or 3 on my own every year. I'll visit family or friends that moved away or something like that.

I get she might get pissed if I went to Hawaii for a week solo, but she seems pretty cool about it as long as I stay in the Continental US

When I first started taking off solo though, she'd be calling constantly b/c she was bored at home. I put a stop to that nonsense fast
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