Helpful Parenting in the Digital Age Thread

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You were a kid once. Kids will find a way to do things that their parents don't want them to do. Just make sure you're teaching them about being safe and responsible and allow them to come to you about anything they have questions about.

Following.....

I know kids these days dont use text as much as snap chat to communicate.

Other than infrequent phone checks, that I dont like doing, I dont know how to have the proper guard rails for phone use.

I've looked at apps that monitor everything including what is typed or searched. Any key words get flagged and sent to the parent.

I would hate to be that much of a helicopter parent.

My parents would have eliminated me from society if they heard me talk with my friends at 14.

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It's time to get back to using the OT for some good.

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this was never a thing

but to reply to a few concerns, first, my condolences about your DIL.

tech is ever changing - faster that most parents can keep up with. I try to learn as much as I can about the most used apps that young people like, so I know how to navigate around them. I am a 'friends' with my kids on the socials- which likely gives me a very false peace of mind, but nonetheless- we are 'friends' on the socials.

What I try to do majority of the time, is to instill values in my kids that will help bolster their self esteem and their values about themselves and others. In my mind- I am hoping to build them up to stand tall enough to weather the storms of crap that comes their way in the digital age.

hope that makes sense.

I also don't belittle them about all the social media/games and other crap that kid participate these days.

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set the rules so they understand there in zero right to privacy with their phones.

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and no social media are super important.

That phone is for you to be in communication with them, not them with their friends etc.

Also, they DO NOT need phones for school activities. Their Chromebooks work just fine.

Set firm limits and take that damn thing anytime the limits are broken/tested.

I don't provide my children a cell phone. They don't need one for school. When they get a job and a car, they can pay for their own. Middle schoolers should not be running around with a cell phone. Do what you want, but that's a bad idea.

Digitally monitoring your kids is training them to be ok with digital monitoring from the government.

The commies appreciate you pre-conditioning the next generation.

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Unfortunately, we just aren't in that position. Between my son & I not able to cover all of the rides &/or everywhere else they need to go, we have a great set of parents who help with the carpooling when needed. We simply have to have them with a cell phone that we can track them on Life360 if for nothing else than the peace of mind.

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I get that. with my oldest two kids- I held out for while before giving them phones. With my youngest, who is 16 now, I am taking a different approach. We talk about the hard stuff- that I'd rather not talk about with my only son- like boobs and p*rn and stuff and just trying to make sure he's the most educated (age appropriate anyways) as he can be to navigate a world that I cannot fully protect him from. Communication, for me, is the most important aspect to any new privileges he gets.

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We simply have to have them with a cell phone

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They make watches now specifically for kids with calling and GPS capability, without access to all of the extra apps. Good for young kids before a cell phone is needed.

One specific is the Gabb Watch.

First, I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. You are a great grandfather for being there!

Second, approach the cell phone issue as you would any other parenting issue. Anticipate situations and address them before they happen. Always be thinking 2 steps ahead of them and always be on offense.

Cell phones are not going anywhere. Ever. They exist in every facet of life now, so it's best to learn how to live with them.

At the middle school level, I'm a huge fan of parental controls time limits, and constant surveillance. You cannot, however, control other parents and what they allow their children to do.

I do not recommend "allowing" a 6th or 7th grader on Snapchat, but please please understand they WILL create an account on a friend's phone if they really want it, and you will NEVER KNOW.

In the upper middle/high school years, this is quite literally how they communicate with each other. It makes no sense to take a hard line approach, because, again, they will do it anyway.

I have found the best approach is to be as realistic as possible with them. Have conversations often about social media, and how it can go off the rails. Y'all must have conversations about the legal ramifications of sharing pictures of their bodies or RECEIVING AND SHARING such images/videos.

Know that they can get addicted very quickly to the online world, but also realize that's where their social life exists in many ways. Social media can be loads of fun for them, but also cause stress and anxiety - just like the real world. Watch for signs of depression that aren't necessarily tied to the loss of their mom or just teen hormone stuff. That can be hard, I know.

Overall, just take it day by day. These kids were made for this online world, and while it seems weird to us at times, it's a part of their social lives. We, as parents, have to teach them to use it appropriately and to set realistic limits.