re: Have you ever experienced "arrival fallacy"?

Yes.

When I was younger, I thought making it to the big stage to perform music would be it. It would complete all the hard work I had put in and validate my identity as a real musician. But as those experiences grew, I felt less and less validated. It only opened up more issues with imposter syndrome or lack of fulfillment.

I once had my name on the bill opening up for a pretty big act at a festival. It was impressive. I got to ride around the festival in an escorted cart. Hang out backstage. There was special lighting planned for my show. Stage direction from a director. It was IT.

And it was nothing. Just a gig. It was fun and cool, don’t get me wrong. But that “I’ve arrived” never came. Just opened up additional worries and more thoughts on “what’s next?”

I’m currently working on my doctorate and feel prepared for the let down of finishing. Entering the program, I felt that same excitement for “arrival” when dreaming of the end when I would finish a PhD. But I think I can anticipate that it’s just another accomplishment that leads to new things.

I know this has become an essay of sorts, so to conclude, I actually think successful football coaches can teach people how to respond to the “gold medal syndrome.” The championship isn’t the finality of your work. It’s just part of the process. You can enjoy the moment briefly, but you have to have a disciplined process that you enjoy and understand. That’s when you’ve arrived.

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Systems are far superior.

Nick Saban is an example.

He doesn't harp on winning a national championship as a goal but rather a by product of his system a/k/a "the process."

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i'm not really one for motivational shite but I'd read a Saban book. He's also up there in the "dinner/beers with any celebrity, politician, etc." discussion for me.

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I know this has become an essay of sorts, so to conclude, I actually think successful football coaches can teach people how to respond to the “gold medal syndrome.” The championship isn’t the finality of your work. It’s just part of the process. You can enjoy the moment briefly, but you have to have a disciplined process that you enjoy and understand. That’s when you’ve arrived.

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My HS baseball coach was excellent, his assistant was Jim Wells.

We never discussed championships, just dealt with what we needed to deal with day to day. Turned a losing program into a really good one.

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The journey is far more valuable than the prize.

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Yes.

Another example would be setting a goal of losing 20 lb. So you set out and you work at that and you meet your goal. Next thing you know you're 20 lb comes back to you in a few weeks. And then you've got the psychological problem of feeling like a failure and becoming depressed.


A system on the other hand might be that every day I'm going to work out and eat clean and healthy. You work that system everyday and before long a byproduct of it is that you lost your 20 lb but you continue the system and you find that not only have you lost the 20 lb but you kept it off and you might even lose more.

Boom, system crushes goal.

I've had a "okay what's next" that's led to small bouts of depression. When I got my CPA I was pumped until it hit me "what next" and I was depressed for like 3 months. Same when I got promoted to manager, it was my goal for years. I was depressed and just went what now. Next it'll be when I get senior manager. I think it's the realization life isn't an RPG. I don't suddenly have more skills, just more responsibilities to grow into.

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Welcome to your mid life crisis. Go buy a Vette.

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And then what next?!

I don't necessarily agree with this. I heard a quote recently, “What’s life without a dream to hold?” Which I think is a direct contradiction to this.

Without a dream/goal, life can certainly seem like an aimlessly slog to nowhere. I know my dreams/goals provide me motivation and fight that I otherwise wouldn't have.

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Without a dream/goal, life can certainly seem like an aimlessly slog to nowhere.

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Right. I think the point was to have a plan for what comes after the goal is achieved.

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This happens to me every time I take a dump

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You strike me as the type that would rather something be going in vs out

This is exactly why I don't set goals for myself and have a slacker personality.

Being in the present and finding humor when things don't go your way is the true path to happiness.

Also, never expect too much and you won't ever be disappointed.