re: Have you ever almost died?

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made me realize that nobody really gives a shite about anyone else. They may say they do. But when it comes down to it, they don’t.

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Member since Mar 2025
62 posts


give us a reason

good news we are easily amused

Yes, but a better story is that I was dead for about a year. At least according to LA DMV.
Seriously, the State of Louisiana was of the opinion that I was killed in a car crash many years ago. I showed up to renew my license and the lady did a triple take between me, my expiring license and her video screen. She awkwardly said that she could not renew because I was listed as dead. I asked if I looked dead and pointed to the card. I also had other credible identification. She admitted that the image was me and I looked to not be dead, but a particular SO had reported that I had been killed in a car crash in their parish. This was in a car that I had sold months prior to the crash. (The buyer had not filed for a new registration, so they must have run the plate and ARSE-U-MEd that I was the dead driver without any real proof.) Then she stated that a process for raising people from the dead was not covered in her training. We each made calls and I was advised that I needed to provide credible documentation of identity and life and they would create a reinstatement process. I visited a federal judge who laughed about this crazy tale, but issued a document taking judicial notice of my identity and living status along with a personal request that this license error be promptly corrected. I dropped the letter and my license with a request to call when it was finished. Took about a day, but I was officially restored to the ranks of the living - complete with driving privileges.
I never did find out who really died. Still wonder if that parish ever figured it out.

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Did you call Gordon or Morris?

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Mine are nowhere near as bad as some of these, but still worth sharing:

1) Mardi Gras 2007 a friend and I hopped on a bus headed from downtown back uptown around 11 pm-midnight. We were hammered and got off at the wrong stop in a rough area of Central City. As the bus pulled off, it took us about 30 seconds to realize we fricked up bad.

As we started walking it seemed like every other person we encountered was talking shite to us, trying to instigate something. We were both 18 or 19, 2 skinny white boys in the heart of the hood. Eventually we just started sprinting and I’ll never forget the sigh of relief when we reached St. Charles Avenue.

2) I was once trying to pull an attic ladder down at my grandmothers house. Had to Stand on a shaky stool on my tip toes to reach the cord which was on the ceiling of her garage. I finally got my hands on the chord and as I pulled, I see the ladder just unfolding and hurling straight at my head. Somehow I ducked in that instant and the ladder missed me, crashing down on the floor behind me. Would have At the very least knocked me out cold off the stool. Pretty sure it would have been fatal.

Twice, first time I flipped a car and was thrown from the driver's seat out of the back windshield and suffered only a concussion and a great strawberry. The second time I flipped a car and landed between an oak tree and a gas line.

Anyone who can say " the second time I flipped a car" maybe shouldn't be driving.

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Have you ever almost died?

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When I was a kid, about 11 or so, I choked on a butterscotch candy. Mom and Dad were in the kitchen. I ran in there, they thought I was just screwing around....untill I started turning blue. Dad grasped the situation. Didn't know, or probably never heard of Heimlech, so he grabs my ankles and shakes me upside down. It popped out.

I'm about to turn 55 and I still think about that.

Ive almost killed myself a couple of times.

Years of therapy, sobriety, and meditation have put that desire behind me

I had a priest giving me the Episcopalian version of last rights after an exploratory surgery went wrong. I was 17 at the time, and I learned that day I was not invincible. It's a good thing and a bad thing to learn early, but I could have dealt without the pain. Most people think they know pain, but in the aftermath it was determined that I was allergic to the local anesthetic they used so I felt the entire needle go into a raging infection into my lung, and I felt them attempt to suck out some of the tissue. That's when I crashed, and my lung collapsed.

College hijinks…I planned to swim alone across a lake at night in long pants and tennis shoes. I wasn’t quite the swimmer I thought I was and realized I’d have to try to take off my shoes and pants but I was already worn out. I knew I was in trouble. I stopped swimming so I could reach down and untie my shoes and when I did, my feet hit the bottom of the lake. It was maybe 5 feet deep. I guess I was walking out and hit a hole or something and assumed I’d have to swim the rest of the way.