Has anyone dealt with a sibling treating their own mother like shite due to their spouse?

Yes.

Cant be fixed without divorce.

Lived it and it never ends well.

What's the backstory?

Is your mom truly innocent?

I'm sure your sibling isn't completely innocent.

Toxic relationships tend to spread outward, even though the two in the toxic relationship seem to think it's only confined to them, and have next to zero self awareness of how it's affecting others.

With that being said, most children who turn on their parents at some point have some history of childhood trauma from said parents.

Not saying that's what's happening, but could be. Maybe your brother is just an a-hole, but that wouldn't be news if so, this behavior would have been old news.

You may be expecting people to operate out of your emotional intelligence bandwidth, when they simply don't have that.

**Edit - just putting the below on first page, may actually help someone other than OP. Family and relationships frick more than one person up. **

Sounds like your brother's wife is toxic, some form of an attention seeking individual, maybe narcissistic or adjacent. Your brother, hate to say it, sounds kinda weak for letting it slide. He hides his weakness behind the notion of trying to keep his immediate family together. You see the same shite with women who stay with toxic douchebag aholes...."but I love him, I don't want to cause pain or blow anything up"....no you're just using those excuses as a reason to hide and stay small.

With that being said I've seen moms and dads say things to their kids "out of care" and it's nothing more than an insult disguised as "guidance". Then when consequences come, parents act like they have "no idea" where it comes from. Nobody owes their parents access to their lives just because they're parents. Parents are people too, maybe good people, maybe shitty people.

Your mom probably said something. Something halfway benign, keyword halfway. Your brother and his spouse probably took it as a shot at their family, and now cut her off. Your mom may be pretending she has no idea, but she probably has some idea. A lot of people will say "I never meant to hurt you" sounds nice, but that's kinda like saying "my bad, I didn't mean to 3rd degree burn you"...then take zero accountability for the damage they did, they only track their intentions, not actual impact to the other person.

Your mom may have burned them. Your brother and wife may have over reacted. Your brother may not have the strength to do what it takes, stand up to both mom and wife. Avoidance is easier for people short term. It puts the load on surrounding loved ones, then eventually that payment comes due....which sounds soon on your end.

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Are you sure it’s not at least partially your moms fault?

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Nobody knows anything. We are unaware of what happened to bring this about. My brother has been asked numerous times what happened and he can’t tell her. He called my mom to tell her he had her Mother’s Day gift earlier this year to stop by and get it. This weekend her grandson graduated from college. She had to ask her brother to drive her to Baton Rouge because they would bring her. Then when she was there, wasn’t allowed to sit with the family.

The holidays always bring out the family problems

Really man it’s just depends on the situation to be honest.

Since we don’t know your Mom or wife for that matter and how they treat others it makes it tough to understand how to answer.

I mean, I’m personally a believer that you should cut all negative influences out of your life, blood or not.

Saying all that, I would need to know how they treat each other.

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What's the backstory?

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This is the problem. Nobody knows shite. About 15 years ago my wife borrowed a shirt from my brothers wife. We had a set of twins and were taking family pictures. My wife misplaced the shirt so she offered to buy the exact same shirt or give her the money for it, but she felt disrespected for it happening. Long story short, my wife was cut off from her. My father was dying in the hospital and she cursed my wife out. When the funeral was being planned, my brother asked me to have the gathering, after the funeral at a neutral place because his wife didn’t want to come to my mom’s home. Mom is now in her mid 70s and I see her slowly dying because of the hate and not knowing what happened. My mother taught her and housed her when she left her parents house because of disagreements. Now she is made to feel like she was used and my brother plays along with it.

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Saying all that, I would need to know how they treat each other.

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They don’t treat each other any way because they haven’t spoken to one another in about 8-10 years. Just stated about what happened when I was finding out my father had passed. My wife told them hello as they are walking in the door and she said I’m not in the fricking mood to talk to you.

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My wife told them hello as they are walking in the door and she said I’m not in the fricking mood to talk to you.

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Wow.

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and she should be allowed in his and his children’s life.

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wrong.

He is a grown man that makes the decisions for himself and his family. frick anyone that tries to argue differently.

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they are walking in the door and she said I’m not in the fricking mood to talk to you.

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Between this and your last post, be glad your brother and his wife are gone. The fact that if your brother heard that, and didn't tell her to leave that shite at the door of your dad's funeral, or wake, is disturbing, and speaks to his character.

She'll then focus on the grandkids being her emotional issue, but she has to let them go until the situation gets resolved on your brother's side, if ever. She has to mourn the loss, but not dwell on it in her remaining years. You may want to look into therapy for your mom, so she stops agonizing over a "good riddance," situation.