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Started By
Message
re: Hardest day of my life
Posted on 2/22/25 at 9:01 pm to Jim Rockford
Posted on 2/22/25 at 9:01 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
eople are willing to give you about two weeks of sympathy and then they're ready for you to move on. If you don't, they move on without you.
Thats some real shite right there.
When my dad lost my step mom he was in a dark dark place. He'd be crumbling, sobbing to me and would repeatedly say "Can you imagine if..." and I had to stop him every time. "Dad, I don't want to imagine that"
He didnt want to go through his pain alone and that I understood. IO did my best and it wasn't what he always wanted. She was 62 when she she died in 2016. My dad is now 73 and he's better but still not whole.
I honestly do think though that your therapy will help wonders. He refused to go. Instead he sits on his patio, one vodka after another, one pack of cigarettes after another. Not wanting to die but not wanting to live.
I hope you find a spark again. Something that gets you out of bed with a smile and youthful energy.
1
Posted on 2/22/25 at 9:07 pm to DeltaTigerDelta
quote:
No need to speculate, just help him get through this or don’t comment.
Well there is enough information given that it is natural to speculate. For instance, was it a heart attack?
Posted on 2/22/25 at 9:18 pm to LSUfan4444
Being forgotten about after Mrs. PJ passed has sucked. I hardly ever get a call or visit from all the people that said they would stay in touch. But oh well.
Posted on 2/22/25 at 9:59 pm to aTmTexas Dillo
quote:
Well there is enough information given that it is natural to speculate. For instance, was it a heart attack?
We don't have the report back yet. My guess is a pulmonary embolism. It is a risk factor in orthopedic surgery. And for the first month she was in a wheelchair and not able to move around much, which is another risk factor..
Posted on 2/22/25 at 10:01 pm to Jim Rockford
Godspeed Jim
Posted on 2/22/25 at 10:05 pm to Jim Rockford
I’m sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wife on May 20 last year. I promise you the mourning and hurt that you are feeling right now will get better. It doesn’t completely stop and I’m pretty sure that it never but it becomes easier to deal with. Luckily I was retired because there is no way I could have went to work. I say a special prayer to my wife every night. I will add you to it. I’m not sure what religion you are but you might try and say a special prayer for her. It keeps you kind of connected to her. At least it does for me.
Posted on 2/22/25 at 11:14 pm to Jim Rockford
Im very sorry for you man. Keep your head up
Posted on 2/22/25 at 11:15 pm to Jim Rockford
I’m very sorry for your loss. Truly.
Posted on 2/23/25 at 12:41 am to tiger91
Damn so sorry I didn't catch that. Prayers still sent.
Posted on 2/23/25 at 12:49 am to dukke v
quote:
Being forgotten about after Mrs. PJ passed has sucked. I hardly ever get a call or visit from all the people that said they would stay in touch. But oh well.
Sometimes people don't know if it is "too soon" after a loved one's death to start contacting their friends again. Some people's grieving process take days, some weeks, some longer.
Maybe you should pick a couple of trusted friends and reach out to them and let them know you are ready to be social again. I have no doubt they would be glad to hear from you.
Posted on 2/24/25 at 12:54 am to Miketheseventh
quote:
I’m sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wife on May 20 last year. I promise you the mourning and hurt that you are feeling right now will get better. It doesn’t completely stop and I’m pretty sure that it never but it becomes easier to deal with. Luckily I was retired because there is no way I could have went to work. I say a special prayer to my wife every night. I will add you to it. I’m not sure what religion you are but you might try and say a special prayer for her. It keeps you kind of connected to her. At least it does for me.
We're in a club nobody wants to join, that;s for sure. I lost my mom last May, now Susie. It's just too much. I'm still working although most days are a fog. I try to pray but this has shaken me up pretty bad. It's hard to see any kind of benevolent God in all this, to be honest.
Posted on 2/24/25 at 12:55 am to dukke v
I've been thinking about you and Mrs. Peej a lot. As I told the other poster, we're in a club nobody wants to join.
Posted on 2/24/25 at 5:36 am to Jim Rockford
Hi again Jim,
As i posted previously, after lurking here for over a year, this thread moved me enough that i posted for the first time.
I am still touched so much by your story. From what i hear you and Susie had both gone through some real struggles in life but then found each other. I am very envious of that relationship you describe. Many of us never find that. You had a sweet taste of finding your person and all the love, support and meaning to life that brought, now that is gone, and you are isolated again with your pain. That has got to be excruciating, and you are doing an amazing job coping and getting through day to day.
It seems to me to be a human self-protective thing to only be there just so much for others whether it be grief, chronic illness or other hard times, other people will only listen or sympathize so much which is why i think it is helpful to go to a therapist even if they don't seem to be helping much. At least for me, I feel better knowing I am paying someone to listen vs burdening friends and family who seem to be able to only handle so much.
I am glad that you keep posting and although I am new here just want to add myself to the list of people here who hear you and care.
As i posted previously, after lurking here for over a year, this thread moved me enough that i posted for the first time.
I am still touched so much by your story. From what i hear you and Susie had both gone through some real struggles in life but then found each other. I am very envious of that relationship you describe. Many of us never find that. You had a sweet taste of finding your person and all the love, support and meaning to life that brought, now that is gone, and you are isolated again with your pain. That has got to be excruciating, and you are doing an amazing job coping and getting through day to day.
It seems to me to be a human self-protective thing to only be there just so much for others whether it be grief, chronic illness or other hard times, other people will only listen or sympathize so much which is why i think it is helpful to go to a therapist even if they don't seem to be helping much. At least for me, I feel better knowing I am paying someone to listen vs burdening friends and family who seem to be able to only handle so much.
I am glad that you keep posting and although I am new here just want to add myself to the list of people here who hear you and care.
Posted on 2/24/25 at 5:47 am to Jim Rockford
quote:
We don't have the report back yet. My guess is a pulmonary embolism. It is a risk factor in orthopedic surgery. And for the first month she was in a wheelchair and not able to move around much, which is another risk factor..
The cause of death is nobody's business but your own. When you get the report only share if it makes YOU feel better, no need to satisfy the curiosity of some insensitive strangers on the internet.
Posted on 2/24/25 at 5:52 am to Jim Rockford
I say this in the nicest possible way,
Get some professional psychiatric help. You’re on the OT Lounge looking for advice and guidance. You know this right?
Get some professional psychiatric help. You’re on the OT Lounge looking for advice and guidance. You know this right?
Posted on 2/24/25 at 7:01 am to UptownJoeBrown
quote:
Get some professional psychiatric help. You’re on the OT Lounge looking for advice and guidance.
Why not both?
And I am not hearing that he is looking for advice or guidance here but support and understanding.
Although reaching out online for support has its risks, by OP post count this is not a new community for him. Also, I am pretty sure from his posts he said he has engaged in professional mental health services.
I say get help where you can.
Posted on 2/24/25 at 10:55 am to Jim Rockford
quote:
Jim Rockford
Hello Jim, I just noticed this thread the other day for the first time. I'm sorry for your loss and what you're going through.
I think you need to really know this, your lost love would not wish upon you going through this grief for the rest of your life. Its okay for you to heal and move on at your own pace.
Posted on 2/26/25 at 11:33 am to Jim Rockford
quote:
I try to pray but this has shaken me up pretty bad. It's hard to see any kind of benevolent God in all this, to be honest.
I had this discussion with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago. She said that she prays and prays and doesn’t see any thing changing in her life. I told her as long as she is expecting something to happen it probably won’t. You have to let things happen on their own. Believe me I know it’s hard. As hard as it is you have to stay positive and strong. You can’t let yourself go down that dark hole of why me. If you would like to talk send me your email and I will send you my number in my email back to you. I will keep you in my prayers because I know it works.
Posted on 2/26/25 at 12:26 pm to Jim Rockford
I can't imagine man, I'm very sorry for your loss.
Posted on 2/26/25 at 12:29 pm to Chad504boy
very well said ,, wisdom in painfully earned
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