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Posted on 7/15/18 at 10:37 pm to L1C4
For one year in high school I went to Pencey Prep School, in Agerstown, PA. Where I lived at Pencey Prep, I lived in the Ossenburger Memorial Wing of the new dorms. It was only for juniors and seniors. I was a junior. My roommate was a senior. It was named after this guy Ossenburger that went to Pencey. He made a pot of dough in the undertaking business after he got out of Pencey. What he did, he started these undertaking parlors all over the country that you could get members of your family buried for about five bucks apiece. You should see old Ossenburger. He probably just shoves them in a sack and dumps them in the river. Anyway, he gave Pencey a pile of dough, and they named our wing after him. The first football game of the year, he came up to school in this big goddamn Cadillac, and we all had to stand up in the grandstand and give him a locomotive--that's a cheer. Then, the next morning, in chapel, be made a speech that lasted about ten hours. He started off with about fifty corny jokes, just to show us what a regular guy he was. Very big deal. Then he started telling us how he was never ashamed, when he was in some kind of trouble or something, to get right down his knees and pray to God. He told us we should always pray to God--talk to Him and all-- wherever we were. He told us we ought to think of Jesus as our buddy and all. He said he talked to Jesus all the time. Even when he was driving his car. That killed me. I just see the big phony bastard shifting into first gear and asking Jesus to send him a few more stiffs. The only good part of his speech was right in the middle of it. He was telling us all about what a swell guy he was, what a hot-shot and all, then all of a sudden this guy sitting in the row in front of me, Edgar Marsalla, laid this terrific fart. It was a very crude thing to do, in chapel and all, but it was also quite amusing. Old Marsalla. He damn near blew the roof off. Hardly anybody laughed out loud, and old Ossenburger made out like he didn't even hear it, but old Thurmer, the headmaster, was sitting right next to him on the rostrum and all, and you could tell he heard it. Boy, was he sore. He didn't say anything then, but the next night he made us have compulsory study hall in the academic building and he came up and made a speech. He said that the boy that had created the disturbance in chapel wasn't fit to go to Pencey. We tried to get old Marsalla to rip off another one, right while old Thurmer was making his speech, but he wasn't in the right mood. Anyway, that's where I lived at Pencey. Ossenberger Memorial Wing, in the new dorms.
This post was edited on 7/16/18 at 1:23 pm
Posted on 7/15/18 at 10:44 pm to cbree88
quote:
Was she old? It might have just been an accident. Lol
As a teenager, every adult seems ancient, but she probably was in her 50s then.
Still could've been an accident, but she surely had to have been aware of it.
Posted on 7/15/18 at 10:53 pm to nvasil1
On day 3 of my friends bachelor party extravaganza, one of my buddies passed out in his chair. He ripped one right about the first snore. It cleared the entire front room kitchen area. Horrendous.
Posted on 7/15/18 at 11:00 pm to the paradigm
Wasn’t tl,dr to me. I enjoyed that, it kinda reminded me of Stephen King’s style of writing.
Posted on 7/15/18 at 11:02 pm to OKellsBells
What’s your funniest fart story? Lol
Posted on 7/15/18 at 11:25 pm to cbree88
I have an 8 year old son, so all farts are funny, all the time. He loves to snuggle up to me, blow out a real stinker, then dash off in a fit of giggles.
Posted on 7/15/18 at 11:38 pm to L1C4
Was joining the military, put about 10 of us in a closed room to take our hearing test. Dude farted right before it started and we all laughed uncontrollably through every beep, which we missed. Got yelled at and was told to do it again.
Posted on 7/15/18 at 11:38 pm to OKellsBells
What about a time when you were the perpetrator?? Don't lie and say you've never been guilty!
This post was edited on 7/15/18 at 11:40 pm
Posted on 7/16/18 at 1:57 am to L1C4
When I was about 7 or 8 I let a very loud one rip during the middle of a prayer at church when the pastor had paused. It was dead silent other than me. My grandmother beat my arse at least three times that day for it.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 4:49 am to cbree88
quote:
Do you two do it around each other now or is it still taboo?
It's no holds barred ever since then.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 6:54 am to Open Dore Policy
quote:
It's no holds barred ever since then.
Haha. Nice
Posted on 7/16/18 at 8:19 am to CobraCommander83
Probably not what you think. By intimidating I mean she was about 6'1 and would embarrass you in an arm wrestling contest. But she was also an English teacher that could literally make an 800 on the English section of the SAT every time and was the best teacher I ever had. Her son coincidentally, who was the basketball coach who kicked me off the team for leaving a game to go watch FSU/VT in the NC in 99, is now the Headmaster there.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 9:06 am to udtiger
quote:
Funeral
This. Funeral director walked behind the tent at the burial and let one rip. It was my great grandmother (106) so my cousin and I felt it was OK to laugh.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 9:09 am to L1C4
I was in an elevator in Chicago and Mike Slive walked in (when he was commish of CUSA). We were the only 2 in it.
He farted in the elevator and had the audacity to say "whew" as if he was surprised by the smell.
He farted in the elevator and had the audacity to say "whew" as if he was surprised by the smell.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 9:10 am to L1C4
quote:
At the movies during a quiet scene, somebody cranked out a loud one.
Name a place where people fart more than a movie theater? A bathroom or plane are in pretty much it. That’s not a “funny place” to fart.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 9:11 am to L1C4
On a salt mine tour.
We were deep underground. The guide decided to turn off the lights. It was the blackest black.I have ever experienced.
A second later a loud.wet fart is heard. Then another.
Two old ladies laughing....
These two old Mennonite woman were being funny.
We were deep underground. The guide decided to turn off the lights. It was the blackest black.I have ever experienced.
A second later a loud.wet fart is heard. Then another.
Two old ladies laughing....
These two old Mennonite woman were being funny.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 9:36 am to Napoleon
Christmas mass, the stupid one at midnight.
We are sitting in the back of the church, myself, my wife, mom and dad, and my sister.
Entire mass the kid behind us, who's about 6 years old, is complaining and you could just tell was tired as shite and needed to go to bed. Well he started to doze off a bit and in his sleep let out a huge ripping fart. As soon as he farted he blurted out "what was that" real loud. Kid woke himself up with the massive fart he had.
We laughed liked 6 year olds the entire rest of the mass, even my mom and dad. I literally had to walk out of the church b/c i couldn't stop giggling.
My funniest fart happened when one lazy morning when I was a kid waiting for the bus watching Gilligan's Island, and i was squatting like a catcher in front of the tv. Let a fart out that lasted at least 10 seconds. It just kept creeping out. It stayed pretty consistent the first 5 or 6 seconds, then i felt it started to fade so i mustered up the strength to force out as much left as i had. It started to wane and sound like it was about to end, and then i pushed and it erupted with a loud blast to end it. It was awesome. Without a doubt my most proudest fart.
My mom and dad were sleeping at the time, and a few seconds later my dad comes in and says "So am i going to have to bring you to school since you just shite your pants?" assuming i'd miss the bus from having to clean up. I died laughing.
We are sitting in the back of the church, myself, my wife, mom and dad, and my sister.
Entire mass the kid behind us, who's about 6 years old, is complaining and you could just tell was tired as shite and needed to go to bed. Well he started to doze off a bit and in his sleep let out a huge ripping fart. As soon as he farted he blurted out "what was that" real loud. Kid woke himself up with the massive fart he had.
We laughed liked 6 year olds the entire rest of the mass, even my mom and dad. I literally had to walk out of the church b/c i couldn't stop giggling.
My funniest fart happened when one lazy morning when I was a kid waiting for the bus watching Gilligan's Island, and i was squatting like a catcher in front of the tv. Let a fart out that lasted at least 10 seconds. It just kept creeping out. It stayed pretty consistent the first 5 or 6 seconds, then i felt it started to fade so i mustered up the strength to force out as much left as i had. It started to wane and sound like it was about to end, and then i pushed and it erupted with a loud blast to end it. It was awesome. Without a doubt my most proudest fart.
My mom and dad were sleeping at the time, and a few seconds later my dad comes in and says "So am i going to have to bring you to school since you just shite your pants?" assuming i'd miss the bus from having to clean up. I died laughing.
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