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Fine line between spoiling your child and giving them a good life
Posted on 8/30/24 at 8:50 pm
Posted on 8/30/24 at 8:50 pm
I’m a young father and I often find myself giving my son experiences galore. I’m a huge fan of these big business men who talk about their children have to earn things and work for what they want. However, I love my son so much and want him to have the best life possible. I’ll do anything to see his eyes light up and be joyful.
Where’s the line between your child turning into a spoiled brat and them enjoying their childhood.
(I had everything I needed growing up and went on 1 vacation a year but we didn’t live lavish at all. All needs were met anything I wanted I had to pay for or work for)
Where’s the line between your child turning into a spoiled brat and them enjoying their childhood.
(I had everything I needed growing up and went on 1 vacation a year but we didn’t live lavish at all. All needs were met anything I wanted I had to pay for or work for)
35
Posted on 8/30/24 at 8:54 pm to BayouBengal23
Experiences are fantastic. Even better if they can incite interest in a particular thing, or as a learning experience in general.
Material goods that provide no real improvement other than consumeristic gratification are to be avoided.
Shower him with things that expose him to life, ideas, and other people.
Material goods that provide no real improvement other than consumeristic gratification are to be avoided.
Shower him with things that expose him to life, ideas, and other people.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 8:55 pm to BayouBengal23
To me there is a massive difference between the two, and I suspect your instincts are on point.
For example, let’s say a kid gets drunk and totals his car. The parent who spoils their kid will just give a cursory lecture and then buy them an equally nice replacement car.
On the other have, let’s say your son is living in a city where his car is totaled by a hurricane, after a tree falls on it. He is either in college or just out of school. He pays his own insurance and keeps it up to date. But between the deductible and the insurance payout, he is $3000 short of the car he wants as a replacement.
If you write him a check for 3K and say “son, I want to cut you a break. You’ve had bad luck”, I wouldn’t consider that spoiling him.
For example, let’s say a kid gets drunk and totals his car. The parent who spoils their kid will just give a cursory lecture and then buy them an equally nice replacement car.
On the other have, let’s say your son is living in a city where his car is totaled by a hurricane, after a tree falls on it. He is either in college or just out of school. He pays his own insurance and keeps it up to date. But between the deductible and the insurance payout, he is $3000 short of the car he wants as a replacement.
If you write him a check for 3K and say “son, I want to cut you a break. You’ve had bad luck”, I wouldn’t consider that spoiling him.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 8:57 pm to BayouBengal23
Make him understand that there’s no such thing as a free lunch
Whatever he gets comes from your hard work and to be appreciative . To be thankful you have maybe what others do not. But above never forget that he is loved unconditionally by you. A lot of sons dont get told that ( me included )
As someone who had everything he ever wanted but with a dad who was always gone at work working 2 jobs, it’s an interesting trade off .
I was thankful we had everything but also bitter because he was never around and wasn’t there to teach me things around the house or cars or whatever .
Whatever he gets comes from your hard work and to be appreciative . To be thankful you have maybe what others do not. But above never forget that he is loved unconditionally by you. A lot of sons dont get told that ( me included )
As someone who had everything he ever wanted but with a dad who was always gone at work working 2 jobs, it’s an interesting trade off .
I was thankful we had everything but also bitter because he was never around and wasn’t there to teach me things around the house or cars or whatever .
This post was edited on 8/30/24 at 8:58 pm
Posted on 8/30/24 at 8:58 pm to BayouBengal23
I think you can do a little of both. But the key is enforcing very strong discipline when it comes to education.
Didn't settle for mediocre and drive them to challenge themselves when it comes to education.
People rewarding their kids for making Cs and Bs, teaches then to settle imo.
Didn't settle for mediocre and drive them to challenge themselves when it comes to education.
People rewarding their kids for making Cs and Bs, teaches then to settle imo.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:00 pm to BayouBengal23
Another thing is to be appreciative and gracious. I have a fríend whose dad became very wealthy later in his life.
He gave his son a very nice car but asked for it back a couple of years later. My friend gave it back the very next time he saw his dad a week later and never complained and was very appreciative (if anything, a little embarrassed about having a nice car).
I don’t consider any of these actions to be spoiled (lucky and fortunate, sure, but not spoiled).
He gave his son a very nice car but asked for it back a couple of years later. My friend gave it back the very next time he saw his dad a week later and never complained and was very appreciative (if anything, a little embarrassed about having a nice car).
I don’t consider any of these actions to be spoiled (lucky and fortunate, sure, but not spoiled).
This post was edited on 8/30/24 at 9:01 pm
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:00 pm to BayouBengal23
4 figure birthday party’s
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:00 pm to BayouBengal23
You already said it, want vs need. We talk about it in our household all the time. Two boys 16 and 12. We tell them what financial status we are at as a family and the expectations that go along with that. Car insurance is expensive as hell. Boys got to work to get a car. No free rides but their grades help to mitigate college costs. I will give as long as the give is a good ROI in college. If not, they will do for themselves.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:01 pm to BayouBengal23
I’m an old dad of young boys (4 and 5). In many ways they’re spoiled. WAY more so than I was growing up.
But we keep them outside and off tablets and TV. I work from home and do outdoor projects with them as much as possible.
But at 50 I’ve gotten to a place financially where I certainly (with zero family money or windfall type money) wouldn’t have been if I’d had kids at a normal age. So they have some things that are probably more “privileged” than most. Nothing lavish or ostentatious.
But they don’t know what daycare or aftercare is. 5yo is starting classical academy w homeschool component. Mom doesn’t work. 4 yo goes to three half day private preschool. We eat out when we want (still not all the time).
My 4yo told me he wants two Jeeps. I told him I don’t have the money for two Jeeps. He told me to just “buy some money.” So he understands modern suburban and government finance well.
I think if you’re asking the question, you’re on the right track.
But we keep them outside and off tablets and TV. I work from home and do outdoor projects with them as much as possible.
But at 50 I’ve gotten to a place financially where I certainly (with zero family money or windfall type money) wouldn’t have been if I’d had kids at a normal age. So they have some things that are probably more “privileged” than most. Nothing lavish or ostentatious.
But they don’t know what daycare or aftercare is. 5yo is starting classical academy w homeschool component. Mom doesn’t work. 4 yo goes to three half day private preschool. We eat out when we want (still not all the time).
My 4yo told me he wants two Jeeps. I told him I don’t have the money for two Jeeps. He told me to just “buy some money.” So he understands modern suburban and government finance well.
I think if you’re asking the question, you’re on the right track.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:02 pm to BayouBengal23
Congrats, young father. You'll do great. A piece of advice I heard well before I had my first child was from a man I admired. Paraphrasing
quote:
Tell your kids that all drawings ain't worthy of making it on the refrigerator. Some of that crap is drawer bound. Don't raise a kid who finds out too late he sucks at various stuff.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:03 pm to BayouBengal23
Give as many experiences as you can afford. Make them work for material things.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:05 pm to Keys Open Doors
quote:
He gave his son a very nice car but asked for it back a couple of years later.
Don't leave us hanging. Why did he ask for it back?
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:07 pm to Saintsisit
It’s pretty boring. He just got tired of his older car and wanted to get the sports car back 
No scandal like a car for a new trophy wife or something like that.
No scandal like a car for a new trophy wife or something like that.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:12 pm to HempHead
quote:
HempHead
How many kids do you have
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:14 pm to BayouBengal23
quote:
I had everything I needed growing up and went on 1 vacation a year but we didn’t live lavish at all. All needs were met anything I wanted I had to pay for or work for)
You answered your own question.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:15 pm to BayouBengal23
Spending quality time with your children is far more valuable than material possessions, and there's no harm in spoiling them with your time and attention. However, I suggest keeping material gifts modest in cost and reserving them for special occasions like Christmas and birthdays. Children should see you as a mentor in life, not as a constant provider for their every desire.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:18 pm to BayouBengal23
Giving him good experiences and raising him to work hard, be respectful, have responsibilities, etc., aren’t mutually exclusive. If he does chores, has good manners, does his best in school, and all that, good experiences won’t diminish what you are teaching him.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:21 pm to BayouBengal23
Came back to add some of the most neglected kids are also the most spoiled. Kids who are just pacified with video games and treats and have zero expectations and who disrespect parents with no consequences are spoiled, even when their parents give them nothing and teach them nothing.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:29 pm to BayouBengal23
It's a tough fence to straddle.
We grew up with what we needed to make it.
Made me humble. Has made life richer.
I give my kids what they need and lecture them and teach them about gratitude. They don't get everything they want. I want their life to be as rich as mine has been so far.
Humility is the key.
We grew up with what we needed to make it.
Made me humble. Has made life richer.
I give my kids what they need and lecture them and teach them about gratitude. They don't get everything they want. I want their life to be as rich as mine has been so far.
Humility is the key.
Posted on 8/30/24 at 9:32 pm to BayouBengal23
Everything in moderation is bs… I overwhelm my kids with trips, fun, and stuff, but I also overwhelm them with responsibilities (within reason) and opportunities to serve at home, church, community, and missions. Getting out of the country or getting their hands dirty doing hurricane relief is crucial. They have turned out to be hard workers that love people and serve their city and community.
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