re: Fart on the elevator this morning.

I think I would have held my nose to non-verbally communicate to everyone that you did not release the gas bomb on the elevator. As you know, holding your nose in an elevator is never done if the perpetrator did it themselves.

One time I made a little girl cry by farting in a elevator on a cruise.
I had eaten some questionable tamales the day before in
Roatan. I felt fine that morning. I decided to hit the Bloody Mary bar
on the ship for breakfast. About 30 mins in a felt demon kick the inside of my intestines. I waddled to the elevator because I knew no way could I go up steps because of the butt clench waddle i was doing.

Had two floors to go up but went to the back of elevator because I thought if I shite myself no one would be behind me to get blasted. A family of a man a woman and a little girl about 5 or so also got on. We went up one level no problems. Then on the second level a couple of kids got on. One of them held the door open and yelled "Ree Ree hurry". For some reason that triggered my gut and I let out a burning silent but wet fart for about 3 seconds. I guess the little girl had the lowest nose in group and she shoved her face into her dads leg. He asked what was wrong and she replied "stinks". She buried her head into his leg again and i could hear her crying.
Elevator opened on my floor and even though no one said anything I heard someone go "Wheeew" as I was shuffling out.

I saw the family again a couple days later and thank God the girl didn't recognize me.

I have a theory that a fart was responsible for the first laugh in history.

Just cave men sitting around the fire, then an unexpected flatulent rip...then another unexpected eruption of laughter.

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I have a theory that a fart was responsible for the first laugh in history.

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quite possibly

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Just cave men sitting around the fire, then an unexpected flatulent rip...then another unexpected eruption of laughter.

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It was the fat white lady

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There is a hierarchy on blame when it comes to stinky farts in a confined area. Most people first blame the fat man, then the skinny dirty hippy man, then the regular man, then the fat woman and on down the line. kids are also high on the list.

Personally, I go straight to the fat person, I don't discriminate against the sex of that person.

If the offender happens to be myself I call it out and look around the room (usually at fat person) like I'm offended. Works almost every time.

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If the offender happens to be myself I call it out and look around the room (usually at fat person) like I'm offended. Works almost every time.

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Dementia is a real thing.

Look at College Station for evidence of it.

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It's not dementia if you're born that way.

I walked into my bosses office and she must nave just farted... It was one of those big sour skunk like diarrhea farts... The kind that makes your nose hair go stiff.. I was like the Simpson's grandpa turn around and leave...

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My son thinks farts are the funniest things known to man. The more inappropriate the better.

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Exactly, dad.