re: Ever had a family member in a nursing home?

I worked in a nursing home in high school. The happiest patients there were the ones who didn't have their right minds. The folks whose bodies had failed but they were of right mind were mostly miserable.

That said, my wife's (no pics) grandma went into a nursing home at the age of 84. She was blind and had other issues but still had her wits. I remember telling my wife that her grandma would be gone within a couple of years. I was wrong. That lady loved being around people her age and the activities they had for her and her new friends. She was always ready for visitors, but sometimes didn't want to leave for the afternoon to hang out with us because "it didn't sound as fun" as what the home had going on. She finally passed, at the age of 99. That is the only story I've heard of anyone who went into a home and actually did better.

Good luck to you

Depends on the facility.

Some are sad waiting rooms for the hereafter.

A true nursing home is usually an end of life scenario...may be years but that's the normal pattern. Quality of life is totally dependent on the health of the individual in question and their families willingness to be part of their life in a quality manner...going to the home and bitching about money or a cousin is not a quality manner, going to the home and taking the loved one to Sunday dinner at home is.

My mom is in a dementia care private residence. The quality of life is about what one would expect. She is in bad shape so her personal quality of life is anyone's guess...for all I know she thinks she is living the life of Riley most of the time. Its 3 hours from us so we don't see her often but when one of my sisters goes and gets her she is usually so stressed out by being out of her element it takes a couple of days for her to level out...according to the staff. It is what it is. She is 84 and is in great physical shape but mentally she is mostly not there. She has not forgotten people or names for the most part though thankfully, but probably more for our emotional health and not hers.

My father lives with us and has been in and out of nursing homes for rehab purposes for about 18 of the last 30 months. He is home now. His quality of life is far better at home but ain't great. It is not good at all in the homes....because he is mostly lucid while there and knows what's going on but has no control. The long term residents in the homes he has been in do not have much quality of life...they spend their days in wheelchairs in the hall way just being there or in bed. They have activities but almost no one participates....its depressing as hell, and would be far more so if one were a resident. Being warehoused waiting to die is never going to be accompanied with much quality of life...again, it is what it is. Physically when Daddy has been in them he was better off than he was at home...his conditions at the time were untenable outside of a home and probably a hospital but that's too expensive.

Funny, sort of story, about my Dad. He and I are have been very close my whole life...he raised me and 2 sisters in an era when most divorced men didn't even bother with their weekends most of the time. My Great Grandmother spent the last couple of years of her life in a nursing home and when we would visit my Grandmother would be understandably upset. Daddy, in a male attempt to fix things, would always say "Hell, when I am old y'all put me in a home..its better than being at home and with people who don't know how to take care of people". This was a coping mechanism on his part and he thought it might ease his Mother's misgivings about her mother being in the home. Fast forward about 30 years and Daddy has a minor stroke and winds up in a nursing home for about 2 weeks. I am living in Germany at the time. I get a call from him about 3 AM our time and he says "Come and get me out of this hellhole. If you don't I am walking out"...he was PISSED. I reminded him I was in Germany and it was a 6 hour flight and he was 2 hours from Atlanta and surely somebody would get there before me. He said they all refused to come get him. I talked him down off the ledge and when he was less pissed off I reminded him that he had told me his whole life he wanted to be in a home when he got old....that set him off again as I suspected it would. I remind him of his telling me this most of my life when he is bitching about being in a home....and threaten to take him to a home when he is bitching about being at the house LOL.

If your grandmother is mentally capable of making decisions I would do what she wants. Having had my Dad here with me for going on 15 years the one thing I know for certain about aging is this - being able to make decisions and maintain some independence is very important to old people. While they may act like kids at times they think like adults and no adult wants other people making decisions for them. Sometimes it is not in their best interest but if they are capable of making decisions let them and try to honor them. No different at 95 and 55, being in control to the extent possible is what most people value more than anything, including comfort and physical well being.

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She's Italian and insists on doing things her way

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In that case that is what HER quality of life is based on...doing things her way. Admirable quality. As hard as it is to do it ain't about anyone but the person in question. Its doubtful she has not visited a nursing home at her age...she most likely has some idea of what to expect. In her estimation that is preferable to having family take care of her. Thats not a reflection of the family...I would much rather have someone I am paying to take care of me than someone who is doing it out of their sense of duty....because the latter is likely not sustainable when the old person is covered in shite and lying in the bathroom floor after falling out off the toilet...been there, done that, it is not for the feint of heart and no parent wants a child to see them in that condition even if the child is 60 years old themselves. Happened at my house twice last month....its not a small undertaking.

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she is usually so stressed out by being out of her element it takes a couple of days for her to level out...a

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Case by case basis, but taking someone out for Sunday dinner, as the poster above this one said, may not be doing them any favors. Someone whose mind is still sharp, okay, but for someone with dementia, sticking to a routine is super important. New environments, new distractions throw everything off kilter. It's sad that grandma can't be there for an important family milestone, but she's better off not going on a cross country trip to that wedding.

Our mom was in a nursing home temporarily in Lafayette after a hospital stay. She was there about 6 weeks. She was released and allowed to go home.
It was honestly depressing

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My girlfriends and I can't flipping wait to someday move into St. James Place, and we are planning on hoarding savings/inheritance to do so.

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Makes sense. Lots of sex happening in those places.

Tour the facilities you’re considering. If you smell urine when you walk in, it’s not where you want to put your loved ones.

Move her in with you. Staff is underpaid. You get what you pay for.