re: Ever had a family member in a nursing home?

Yeah, I second this. When no one is around they don't have patience with the patients. In my experience. Rehab only

I'm sneaky and let's just say a few times they didn't know family was in building or around a corner.

If it’s one of the lower end kind of places that people on social security with no other money, they are hell on earth. Especially true in this state.
There will likely be mentally screwed up folks mixed in as well. Combine that with the staff who aren’t paid with a damn so they don’t give a shite.

Generally speaking, Medicaid pays for most NH stays (unless the patient has resources). If she has assets, like home, land, etc., the state CAN (not necessarily will) take those assets to help pay. Get with an estate planning attorney immediately.

NHs are mostly terrible places (especially the ones were Medicaid pays most of the bill), the key is go see her every day or two, that way the NH will know someone cares about and put more effort into her care. Most NH patients get very few visitors.

A doctor will have to sign off on her not being able to care for herself before Medicaid will pay.

Assisted living facilities are another option to look in to.

Until this last June I damn near killed myself trying to take care of my parents and work full time. I was always running back in forth when they were in the hospital or when they could no longer drive into Nola to see specialist.
My dad took advantage of me by trying to guilt me into all kinds of crap in addition to what I was doing.

Finally convinced them to move into a nice assisted living place and it had lots of activities and a shuttle that took them on outings, to the store, and most doctor appointments.

My damn parents were not all that healthy because not being active at all, so instead of participating in the offerings and trying to socialize; they just laid in bed all day and slept or watched tv. Health went even more to shite, falls started happening, and my dad started getting dimitia.

We finally gave up and had to move them into a nursing home. It’s just ok, but not a place I would ever want to be.

My grandmother was in a home both in MS and later in CO. The quality of the care varies based on the facility. Do some research and try and find those that rate higher.

Also, it's super expensive. Make sure you have an idea of all of the cost associated with the move. Make sure you know what you need to do if you need to move assets and how this may impact the government support. Many times, the person needs to be unable to assist themselves financial to qualify for Medicaid.

Based on ability they generally provide levels of care. Some folks have a lot of liberty while others are in a sort of lockdown, due to their being a need to ensure their safety. (Think someone who may wander off).

Make sure you know what the rules will be for visiting, gifts, food etc. Popping in to take her out to eat may be not so straight forward as you think. Having her overnight during holidays may also be an issue. Just make sure you do the research.

Having said all that, at some points, many elderly reach a point of decline where they need the level of assistance and its a relief for the family when they move into a nursing home. Also, I'm sure for the elderly, based on the ability of the family to give care, it may be a very much desired move. Until you have to provide a high level of care for someone, most don't understand how taxing that can be.

Good luck and congrats on have a living 88 year old grandmother.

My 89-year-old mother fell and broke her ankle and did her rehab in a nursing home for 2-3 months. Afterwards, I put her in a group home because she needed 24 assistance. About two months into her stay she developed breathing problems.

Instead of calling 911 where the fire station was blocks away, the director of the home called a commercial ambulance service which took about 30-40 minutes to arrive. I went to the hospital thinking that my mother had been taken there by the fire dept. I waited and waited at the ER for over 90 minutes for her to arrive. She died hours later.

The reason the adult home owner didn’t call 911 was because she was afraid of how it would affect their rating because of excessive 911 calls. I was furious. I contacted a lawyer and received a low 6-figure settlement. The woman who ran the changed the name and location of her business. My mother was a sweet, kind, devout Catholic who had a hard life. As an only child, I miss her so much. Her wedding ring was also missing.

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Nursing home.

She says she doesn't want some stranger living in her house and would rather go somewhere where they could tend to her needs constantly.

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With that answer, I don't know if she understands the difference well enough. We went through this with my wife's grandmother a few years ago and are going through it now with my step-father.

What she probably needs is a transitional facility which goes from independent living to assisted living to memory care.

Independent Living
Active, healthy seniors (typically 55+) who are self-sufficient and want a social, maintenance-free lifestyle.

Assisted Living
Seniors needing moderate help with daily activities (e.g., bathing, dressing, medication) but who can still manage some independence.

Memory Care
Individuals with dementia, Alzheimer's, or cognitive impairments requiring constant supervision and specialized support.

These places can be pricey ($2k-$4k/month for independent living, $5k-$8k for memory care, but those costs are going to range widely depending on location).

If she's still physically fit and sharp of mind, she may be solid with Independent Living for a while. If she needs Assisted Living, that level of assistance is generally on her terms, based on her mental and physical abilities. In a nursing home they will absolutely come and go from your room, in assisted living they won't unless there's some sort of perceived medical need (also, they get one of those emergency buttons to wear in case of problems).

Check out a couple of places, check out the affordability for her, then bring her by them to let her see how they operate and talk to the workers and people living there.

They say they don’t want to bother you but they do want to move in. Just go ahead and move her in.

My father did when he was going through the throes of brain cancer. I was 12 and walking past the old and sick people rooms with the doors open was eye opening to say the least. He was only 49 at the time and thankfully it was just for a few days for him to get over whatever he was dealing with. He died at home. My wife (no pics) and I do puzzles every once in a while, and I donated a bunch to the new home here. It's not very old and I was really impressed by the cleanness and the upbeat vibe it had. Nothing like I saw at 12 years old. My mother had Alzheimer's for over 10 years and we kept her home with CNA's filling in for a few hours every day. My sisters and I would stay a few weeks at a time at her home to do so.

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Unfortunately, not. She's obese and in the early stages of dementia.

She's also borderline hypochondriac in some of our family's opinion. I have never seen someone that likes to go to the doctor so much or looks forward to surgeries.

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Ouch. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. This information changes my opinion, it will probably be best for her to be in a nursing home. Memory Care might help stall the dementia's growth a bit, but her lack of proper focus on her health is going to outweigh that as age compounds physical issues.