re: Ever had a family member in a nursing home?

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It’s pretty hard.

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twss

my mom spent the last two years of her life is assisited living, as did my dad, so we visited many places trying to vet them out, they are all depressing as hell to me, and my folks were in what are considered the best in their area

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pay attention to the smell.

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old baw nailed right there

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every time I left I felt like I was walking out of a prison. It broke my heart

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I know that feeling

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It takes a special kind of person to work there. Some of them were angels in human form.

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so true, and I've heard nightmare stories of the abuse of the residents by assisted living employees we were very fortunate for the care my mom received toward the end of her life

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Generally speaking, Medicaid pays for most NH stays (unless the patient has resources). If she has assets, like home, land, etc., the state CAN (not necessarily will) take those assets to help pay. Get with an estate planning attorney immediately.

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Medicaid is welfare. It only pays if the patient does not have the assets to be able to pay for their care. The Medicaid reimbursement rate in Louisiana is a little over $7,000 per month. Medicaid will allow a patient to retain certain assets like a family home. But it will require the depletion of all other assets toward the payment of the nursing home bills. And, once the resident dies, Medicaid has the right to collect what it has paid out of the patient's estate. It doesn't always do this.

There is a five-year look back period that makes it very dangerous to start making asset transfers for elderly patients who may need Medicaid to pay in the future.

As to nursing homes, take a look at the Nursing Home Compare website that CMS runs and look at its star rating and staff to patient ratios. That isn't a guarantee, but its a good place to start.

Once you pick a nursing home, if it is in Louisiana, put a camera in the patient room that shows interactions with the patient. Let the patient use the call light while you are in the room and time the delay before someone responds. Do this at different times of the day. You have your choice of physician but sometimes the physician that sees most of the residents (typically the Medical Director of the nursing home) is the best choice. Meet with and talk to them and their nurse practitioner and note how responsive they are to the patient's complaints.

Complain about everything that isn't being done properly. Complain when the food is bad. Complaint when it takes 30 minutes to respond to the call light. Complain when CNA's are rude to the patient. Keep a diary of all of this. If the nursing home isn't responsive, complaint to the State LTC Ombudsman's office.

Most nursing homes are going to do a reasonably good job of taking care of the patient, but being a squeaky wheel will help you family member get taken care of.

This. You have to stay on top of them. If they know you'll be around, they'll take better care of your relatives.

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Unfortunately, not. She's obese and in the early stages of dementia.

She's also borderline hypochondriac in some of our family's opinion. I have never seen someone that likes to go to the doctor so much or looks forward to surgeries.

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My father (88 next week) is in an Assisted Living Facility. He has early stage Alzheimer's, but isn't in Memory Care yet. I really thought he would hate assisted living, but it has worked really well for him. Before he was admitted, he was terrible about taking his medication on time and would get up and sit on the couch all day. Now, he is given medication at prescribed times, has caloric intake monitoring (for his diabetes) and walks (with a wheeled walker) a couple of times per day. His health and demeanor have both improved. They have a ton of activities on site.

When the time comes to transition to Memory Care, it is on the other side of the facility (so it will seem/look familiar).

I have had the responsibility of finding care for family members, one had Alzheimer's, another had debilitating surgery that required months of rehab, now another who needs assisted living.

1. Memory Care was the most difficult. Money was not an issue, so I made the rounds of as many places as I could find in the BR area. The patient's wife was undergoing cancer treatment, so she couldn't help much. In going through ratings and statistics, I found the places who were dedicated to memory care only, were more secure and focused. I went through reviews, talked to as many people as I could find who had the same issues. All seemed to point to a place with the least downsides. BUT, the sales people you talk to will promise the moon, but the majority of the care comes from the workers on the low end of the wage scale. We had problems with someone getting him dressed, brushing his teeth, basic sanitation, showers, he began detiorating soon after admissions. It is a stressful to get them to go in, a lot of resistance, so moving is not an option.

2. Rehab. Visited many, but availability is a big issue. The places I wanted were full. It will be a stroke of luck to get an available bed in a desirable location. Most insurances limit you to 100 days. This patient was very cognizant, so she could get most of her demands met. Plus, it was close by, so I or my wife was there every day, that helps. The food was dismal, so we brought in a lot of dinners.

3. Assisted Living. This is a work in process, I'll see how it turns out.

Absolutely depends on the place.

My maternal grandmother was the only one in a nursing home. She was there because she wanted to be. She loved to talk to others, play games, and watch her “stories” (soap operas).

She lived on and off with us, and the other several children she had. Problem was, they all worked, and the grandchildren was at school, and she was alone during the day. She hated not being able to talk to people during the day.

There was a good facility not far away that had a lot of social events, games, and activities. She loved that. And all her children pitched in and paid the amount over what her income didn’t cover.

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This. You have to stay in top of them. If they know you'll be around, they'll take better care of your relatives.

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I feel like as you get older this is what you learn about all healthcare things.

I don't want to advocate being a Karen in all of your life, but you have to have someone invested in and actively looking out for your interests. I imagine most in the field would admit this is true. Things are too big, too busy, etc. - even trying their best, you're going to benefit greatly from having someone there to talk to the right person and ask the right questions.