re: Do you have a life event or regret you just can't get over? (long)

Nittany
My experience is not necessarily the same as yours but I think the remedy is the same.
From the time I was a young man all I ever wanted was a son. When I was 22 my wife was pregnant for a son and we lost him at 16 weeks in the pregnancy. For years after that I was absolutely angry with God. To make matters worse, I felt like I had to be tough so I never truly mourned. For years I hid my pain by drinking and chasing women, as the loss of out child destroyed my marriage. I just couldn't understand why this happened to me. Then one might a good friend called me up and told me he had gotten a girl pregnant and they were thinking of an abortion. I realized at that moment that God put that cross on my back to help save this man and woman from killing this baby. I finally truly mourned and my life began to change immediately.
Prayer, counseling, talking, and an amazing woman who is a walking saint, saved my life. I've since had 3 daughters and, finally a son.
It's impossible for us to comprehend why you were out in that situation but there is a reason you were chosen to bear that cross. Find counseling and most importantly pray for help. Someday it'll make sense

when i was a teen an older guy kept bitching at me and some friends because we were making too much noise in the parking lot of a teen club that just happened to be right across the street from his house. So, like most teens, we all just started blowing our horns and making more noise then drove off.

well, the guy drove around the corner in the opposite direction and came straight at us in his car. We swerved into the grass on the side of the road and stopped. He stopped and got out of his car. We were like this guy's got an arse whipping coming. when we got about 5 feet from him he pointed a gun in my face. that was a long time ago and i still have never been more scared than i was at that moment.

We called the cops, they showed up and it turned out that it was a starter pistol. They arrested the guy anyway. but, he never did any jail time.

35 years ago and i remember it like it happened 5 minutes ago.

Props for sharing. That's a declaration that you really want to work your way through this. Things happen to us in our lives that we can't make emotional sense of. It's part of being human. You don't have to punish yourself. You can forgive yourself. There is nothing wrong with forgiving yourself. Give yourself permission to move on with a healthy life.

Psychological trauma is a VERY serious thing. Please seek the help you need. Spend all the time you need working on this. And know that very few people make it through life unscathed. You aren't alone. Don't give up. Keep seeking clarity and resolution. It may be an arduous process, but you are worth it. Seriously, bro.

Never underestimate the power of prayer bud. The Almighty hears all, you're not alone.

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I am so sorry. My son's passenger survived and he was not wearing a seatbelt. My son died and he was wearing a seatbelt. Luck of the draw I guess.

Remember, you were helping your friend. Accidents happen. This is not 100% your fault. If you had refused to help your friend and he was injured or killed you would still grieve. If your friend had used the seatbelt he might be in a different place now. As an adult it was his choice not to use it. You fell asleep, it happens often. There is no clear way out of this. You were a Good Samaritan, even though the court wouldn't agree, it seems his family does?

I wish I could say something that would take your pain away. Time will help, it will never completely go away, but your feeling about the incident will be dulled. One breath at a time, one foot in front of the other. Bless you.

ETA: you are in the earliest stage of grief or what I call the infancy of grief. Over time your stages of grief will mature and will be easier to deal with. How long will that take? No one knows. Again, one breath at a time.

Sounds like you've tried a lot of things and nothing has helped. You've also been given a lot of suggestions in this thread. Obviously, it's a tough question or you wouldn't be on here asking it, and I doubt many on here have any expertise in dealing with this kind of thing. I know I sure don't. All I can suggest is one simple thing.

Try to see it from a different perspective and be fair to yourself. For instance, imagine a person who is generally a jerk, but for one shining moment he did one really great thing...by accident. Afterwards, he goes right on being the jerk he always was. Now, imagine this person obsessing every day about the one great thing he accidentally did and always patting himself on the back and thinking about how great he is for having done that one thing. You would think he was being unreasonably generous in his assessment of himself and giving himself way too much credit for what he did, right?

Well, isn't what you're doing now the same thing, only in reverse? You've been a good and decent person (as evidenced by your willingness to help your friend on that night) your whole life, but for one brief and terrible moment you accidentally did something that hurt your friend. If you were judging someone else in your shoes, you'd probably have the perspective and fairness to remember that the good in their life far outweighs the one terrible accident, and you would forgive them. Now, try to judge yourself just as fairly.

I'm sure many have echoed the sentiment, but you did nothing wrong. The guy's family apparently felt the same way. I don't mean to sound dickish in saying this, but you need to move on. Don't just forget about him or anything, but simply absolve yourself of any wrongdoing and guilt.

My biggest regret is fricking around during my first go-around in college. I'm graduating in a week, but I should have graduated 10 years ago. Cost me a LOT of money (at least $1m).

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I'm sure many have echoed the sentiment, but you did nothing wrong. The guy's family apparently felt the same way. I don't mean to sound dickish in saying this, but you need to move on. Don't just forget about him or anything, but simply absolve yourself of any wrongdoing and guilt.

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I think this is great advice. However, his friend, even in his state is still alive. I can see how hard it would be to get closure knowing this. It's just a terrible, tragic situation.

Your guilt speaks volumes about your character. I would be more concerned if I didn't feel guilty. This was an accident, you intended no harm to your friend; because you are a decent person you feel guilt over your role in this tragedy. I think this is a perfectly normal response on your part. I would continue therapy, try to find a support group for people who are struggling with similar circumstances. You could even try a church.
Give yourself more time - time does eventually heal all wounds. And try, for a little bit each day, to cut yourself some slack. You came out of that accident for a reason - figure out why...