re: Depression is kicking my arse

I’ve prayed.

I do have two dogs. I feel like they’re the only creatures that really depend on me.

Go with your friend to the gym.
Get that blood work checked to see if you have some deficiencies.

Get out and do simple things.
Go walking and enjoy the bird chirping, green grass, and nice breeze outside.

You got to enjoy the little stuff in life as sometimes we all overlook them.

Join a club and try to meet people with the same likes.

You got to love yourself and get in the right mind before you date or look for
companionship.

In my lowest of lows I turned to God. That same day this verse fell into my lap.

“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”
James 1:12

That same day I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ and everything has been on the up and up.

Strange how that works. Can’t believe it took me so long.

Hope it helps you like it helped me.

I second getting a blood test. Not just for low T, but low Vit D and low Iron. Do you snore a lot? Sleep apnea can cause you to sleep for hours but not get good sleep.

Don’t do an inpatient psych program unless your life is in imminent danger but intensive outpatient might be right for you. I’ve done 3 in my life, one as recently as May/June this year.

The best thing about these programs is you are exposed to people who are going through a depression as deep as you are and while their exact problems may be different, they understand the struggle.

One of the things my most recent program preached is getting out and going places rather than dwelling in misery at home. The library or a coffee shop are good ones that don’t cost a lot of money.

I’ve got a much better job now and living in a much nicer area and still I go through absolutely miserable days. Yesterday, I barely made it through work and went straight to bed and was having passive suicidal ideation. Today was just a better day. I’ve learned that as utterly hopeless as I feel at times, it usually passes. I have a constant cycle of ups and downs.

I don't want to minimize your experience, but we know a family with a 5 year old who has terminal inoperable brain cancer.

You will get through this time and live the rest of your life. Try to focus on how much you still have and how much you are likely to have down the road.

Unfortunately, I suffered through really bad depression for years and currently dealing with the consequences from unwanted behavior because of it.

Here’s a few things that may help:

1. The science of neuroplasticity tells us that the brain can find and develop new pathways for neurons to fire together to develop new habits, behaviors, and responses. How long does it take? Can take up to 5 years in some cases so you need to buckle up for a ride to Mars instead of trying to get to the moon.
If you watch this reverse steering bike video you will see that yes the brain is absolutely capable of changing!

2. Once you truly believe the brain is capable of changing, you’ve got to somehow think positive about what you want to see happen in your life then start practicing some of the things you need to do to get your brain to where it needs to be.

3. Breathe! Slow, deep breaths in and out. Over and over. Your brain is likely deprived of oxygen. Too much adrenaline or dopamine doesn’t get recaptured and it keeps valuable oxygen from moving through your brain. This happens over and over again until your brain is basically a vegetable. Brain fog sets in, depression, memory loss, brain damage.

4. Go back in time. Think about some of the things that you believe contributed to the negative space you’re in now and think how things would be if you did or thought something a little differently. Now you’re getting somewhere. Don’t block out the negativity. Invite it to your front porch and talk to it a while.

5. Grow your hippocampus. Read a book, write, learn an instrument, pick up a new hobby.

6. Spend more time with people that want to help you more than help themselves.

There’s more, these are just a few nuggets that helped me, I wish you the best. Just know that your brain is the result of everything you’ve been up to this point but there’s always tomorrow, next week, next year, next 50 years.

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so at minimum I need to lose 15 pounds.

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That's a good way to get moving brother. Set a goal and go for it. Even if it's 3 lbs a week.

Garden, it will consume you daily. Then pick up fishing or hunting. You have to get outside and do something.

Definitely start spending more time outside bro

The nice weather is just beginning

I think everyone’s a little jaded to some extent after this long arse summer