re: Dear diary, tired of living (update pg 15)

This isn’t a video game. There’s no reset. Look, I get it. Life can definitely feed you a shite sandwich…you gotta hang in there because better days are coming. I was where you were at 2 years ago. My sister was dying from dementia and my brother diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My sweet sister died but my brother beat cancer and we talk everyday. There’s brighter days coming.

I care about you brother. I genuinely do. Life has its seasons. Hang in there and truly seek God and he will find you.

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Dude…. We are trying to help him here.

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Sorry I had made a post earlier that evidently I didn’t post.

Wanted to tell him that he is young and still has some good shots at life.


Mine is all it will ever be so I have my own exit plan when the time comes.

Brother, I'm gonna echo some things that many others have said. Trust me when I tell you change is a legitimate possibility. I was so overwhelmed with the difficulties of trying to raise my special needs son and keep peace at home with a wife that was, at the time, insanely unreasonable due to the same issues, that I simply drank myself into oblivion to "hide" from the insanity most nights, was hiding it and drunk most of the time.

We then got very surprisingly pregnant with my daughter and I legitimately saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I had multiple mental pictures of ending my life everyday. I believed it would be utterly impossible for us to function and care for another human in the situation we were in and my failure would ruin multiple lives. I was in a dark place as well.

Then after 6 months of going through the same exact same issues after my daughter was born, God spoke to me loudly enough I was finally able to clear my mind and hear.

On the same day, I got caught hiding liquor that morning, bottles I forgot to dispose of from the day before, and that afternoon I had a covid related stroke. (no symptoms but that, lol).

It's to this day the best day of my life. I decided I had to try something else, so I quit drinking and gave the family one more chance all in. My life from that one moment has done a complete 180. All of the exact same struggles that I had before are still there, but my perspective on them has completely changed. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to raise these children and help them through their difficulties.

I believe I have an idea of how deeply you believe things cannot or will not change, but from someone that's been there, I can promise you it is possible.


If there's any way possible I can help you, I'd be more than happy to.

Before you commit to making that beautiful baby girl your life get a paternity test

Have someone you can always talk to. 988 is there if you can't find someone.

Find a hobby, something that takes your mind away from everything. Exercise is a good stress relief, especially running.

Most importantly, your unborn daughter should be the motivation you need to keep going. Do anything and everything for her.

Prayers.

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unborn daughter

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If you kill yourself, your daughter will wonder every day of her life, “why would daddy rather kill himself than spend one more second with me?”

Don’t do that to her.

You need professional help. I’ve dealt with it. Better days aren’t coming unless you help yourself.

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my unborn daughter

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Give everything and be everything. You’ll be happier than you’ve ever been. It’s indescribable. Wait and see bud.