re: Corporate speak/expressions heard in the business world

A White Paper is a technical report which is generally used as the basis for a company's stance on a particular issue.

Found a lot in the sciences and engineering.

How the turntables

An agnostic solution

I've got a running list of these:

Wheelhouse

Interface - scheduling or coordinating an event
“Becky,, if you will contact the district scheduler regarding the constituent meeting with the Congressman regarding the issues you wish passed, he can interface with you regarding availability of time."

Silo - a synonym for department or just being so isolated in your role that you don't have any clue how your work impacts the whole organization.
Example: We all work in different silos - legal, finance, marketing...

Bandwidth - when referring to someone’s availability or time in general.
Example: Johnson: Hi Broyles, can you schedule a meeting with you, me, and the CAO of XYZ Corp?
Broyles: No can do’sville, Johnson; I'm out of bandwidth with the new acquisition project I'm working on. Please 'reach out' to Carson and facilitate a “pow wow” to grind it out.

Reach Out – communicating with someone in an attempt to obtain valuable but often times pointless information. i.e. “to contact.”
Example: See Bandwidth above.

Grow
Example: I think that in order for you to grow in this company you need to be known as a leader and not just a doer. That is why I’m going to need you to lead this effort which will require you to work til ungodly hours of the night every night for 3 months. You won’t get a significant pay raise, but you might get a pat on the back from the Broyles, the VP, if you do a good job!

Ping
Example: Johnson: Broyles, we have a meeting at 3:00. Are you still available to meet then?
Broyles: I’m not sure if I have the bandwidth to meet then - I have a meeting with the C-Suite at 2:30. How about I ping you when I finish?

Streamline

Offline - Example: "I'll be offline for the next week in Jamaica."

Protocol

Touch base with [coworker]

C-Suite - Executives of a company

Nasty-gram - an email negative in tone documenting a violation of company policy or a reminder to act upon a task before a violation of company policy occurs

Quotes or Bible Verses on email signatures
Example: We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names and all are different colors...but they all have to learn to live together in the same box.

CLM (Career Limiting Move)
Example: Can't believe Johnson would rather stay on abc local company when he could be a lead senior on global logistics overseas... What a CLM!

HR Red Card
Example: If johnny keeps saying things about karen's weight he's going to be issued an HR Red Card...

Spin Our Wheels
Example: We can spin our wheels all day on...


Mental Health Break - A professional sounding excuse to check your fantasy football league

Flesh that out - When you can’t come to an agreement, you “flesh that out” with someone later.

Hard Stop - A point in time when you must do something and cannot compromise.
Example: Broyles: Bob can you meet from 2:30 - 4:00?
Bob: No can do. I have a hard stop at 3:00

Push Back - when one receives negative reception from a coworker or client regarding the completion of a task or request
Example: I called Miranda four times to request a copy of the latest payroll report... the bitch wouldn’t answer the phone the first three tries, then the fourth she answered and gave me push back as she questioned my authority for reviewing such reports.

Sustainability - corporate term for “going green”. Consultants use the term because they’re retarded.
Example: “As part of sustainability efforts endorsed by this firm, we are now requiring you to bring you’re own coffee mug or drinking cup to the office and getting rid of all plastic and paperware.”

Soft - relating to judgment or objectiveness.
Example: The deliverables for this engagement are very difficult to define as it’s not an engagement we’ve performed before; due to the soft choad nature the project, I recommend writing up a narrative summarizing your findings and thoughts.


Let me bounce that off him/her - A CYA action taken to make sure your superior knows about a terrible decision that you are about to make.

Bigger fish to fry

Time-sensitive - when a project’s deadline is fast approaching and something needs to be done quickly to finish the project

Thoughtware - a pretentious way of describing your ideas.
Example: To ensure you continue to receive thoughtware from us, register on the new AlumNet and update your current information by clicking here.

Slam Dunk - a word used to describe a sure thing

Baking it in - an analyst asked our CEO if he is "baking it into the guidance"

Email blast - an email generally sent out to a large group.
Example: Brock, please send out an email blast to the XYZ team to announce the launch of our new product, GayBallz.

Mindshare - The act of sharing knowledge with other colleagues or subordinates. Note: you must at least make $100K to be able to use this term.
Example: 1st Tier Worker: Hey boss, I need about 10 minutes of your time to get your thoughts on who should take charge of Johnson’s roles, now that he has left the company.
Broyles: I have some immediate & critical deliverables in the next 10-14 days, and so I can’t devote any mindshare to this right now.

RGE (Résumé Generating Event)

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The worst are the shitty stuff motivation people come up with. I attended a leadership conference that actually had some solid speakers, but one was a platitude shouting dumbass. I especially cringed when he kept shouting and writing GETMO!!! GOOD ENOUGH TO MOVE ON...GETMO GETMO!!! Yea because you are the first person to suggest that soemtimes a project does not need to have more resources sunk into it.

He also introduced BEND THE CURVE....basically doing something well with fewer resources...kept shouting it and holding for applause like he just invented the concept

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So he was basically a circus clown? Saying the same ole bullshite putting his spin on it?

Not sure how common this is, but I use to want to beat the shite out of this dude because he had two saying he would always say and it was as if he looked for opportunities to say them.

"This is a whole different animal". If he was talking about doing something and someone would say "so its kind of like how we did on....." and even though that person was accurate he would say "Oh no.. This is a whole different animal".

And then every time he would start working on something he would always say "you know how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time".

And he use to have the Sanford & Son ringtone and when his phone would ring, he would let it ring just to make sure people heard his ringtone as if that was the greatest thing ever.. That dude sucked.

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I’ll “ping” you later in the week

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When I have some cycles free.

If I never heard the phrase “following protocol” again for the rest of my career, I would be a little happier each day.

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I was in a meeting a year or two ago with some rural business owners. One of them kept accusing some other company of trying to "Jew them down" on their quote. Everyone in the room except the two of them were aghast.

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I was working for a very old school Monroe office during the 2015 primaries. The meeting was wrapping up and every one was chopping it up about who they wanted to win. Ben Carson came up and one of the board members who is a millionaire several times over and in his 70s says “well he seems like a good guy but He is too much of a.... to win ”

No body batted an eye and the conversation went on