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re: Christmas step parenting Q... am i wrong?

Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:21 pm to
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32905 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:21 pm to
quote:

Why are you with a women who just got divorced with two kids 7 and 4, you are picking low hanging fruit.

I would never do it.

I wouldn't be able to get past the mentality of "she is just looking for a new dad for her kids".
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
390 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:21 pm to
quote:

What signs did you see but ignore?


I have never dated a woman with kids so this whole thing is new to me.

I can't say this is the first fall out, but probably the first time we were genuinely on separate sides of the fence where we didn't find mutual ground to settle on...
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
48566 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:23 pm to
quote:

She puts the phone in my face and tells me ‘look how happy they are!’ To which I reply ‘i would rather not watch videos of your ex husband on my Christmas morning, but great they are having a good time’.



quote:

This is her first Christmas without the kids (7, 4)



You're absolutely wrong.
You grin and bear it, motherfricker. Then make her smile and forget about the kids for a few hours. Booze, movie, food etc are good ways for a parent to get by during a holiday without their kids.

It gets easier on her I promise. But you gotta be a strong person and help her by putting up with shite like that.


ETA: and frick these faqs who tell you to run from a chick with kids. You should be avoiding chicks WITHOUT an ex and kids after 30.

This post was edited on 12/26/18 at 1:24 pm
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32905 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:23 pm to
Kudos to you for taking the jabs itt in stride and not getting super Darth aggressive.

Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
390 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:25 pm to
Yes I regret not doing this.

I just didn't compute me not wanting to watch as not supporting her.

I knew it would be hard for her. Tried all I could to do right. Funny you say it, we went to the movies.

Just didn't recognize me not watching as 'a big deal'
Posted by baldona
Florida
Member since Feb 2016
22394 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:25 pm to
quote:

can't say this is the first fall out, but probably the first time we were genuinely on separate sides of the fence where we didn't find mutual ground to settle on...


You realize it was Christmas right? I mean there’s like a handful of days a year where you as the dad/ stepdad don’t matter. Their birthday, maybe a graduation or whatever, Christmas, etc.

If it was a regular Saturday morning sure she may agree with you eventually. You need to just bite the bullet and realize how important that day is for parents and their kids. If you marry her you will like understand in a couple years.

I see where you are coming from, but as a parent and a man with a wife with kids I know where she is and you aren’t right here.
Posted by Tyga Woods
South Central Jupiter Island, FL
Member since Sep 2016
37465 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:25 pm to
quote:

Is it because I'm willing to date a woman with children?


Dating a woman with children doesn't make you the beta cuck that some of these dumbasses are calling you. It takes a strong, secure man to marry a woman with kids and take care of another dude's children. Most of us wouldn't choose to date or marry someone that already has children because there are a million out there who do not. You have, and that is commendable. Time to be a dad if you choose to continue the relationship.
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
390 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:26 pm to
quote:

Kudos to you for taking the jabs


I've been around the OT longer than most even though I don't post often.

Gonna take a lot more than the usual Wednesday morning BS to get a rise out of me.
Posted by bird35
Georgia
Member since Sep 2012
13075 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:26 pm to
Advice from someone who has been married 22 years.

If my wife asks me to do something or look at something and it will only take a minute then I will happily do it or look at it rather than fight for half a morning.

The other day I watched a video of baby sheep in sweaters followed by a picture of a baby squirrel. Took 30 seconds then we both happily went on with our day.

Posted by HailToTheChiz
Back in Auburn
Member since Aug 2010
51951 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:27 pm to
quote:

Background - been dating a woman about 1.5 years who has 2 kids from her previous marriage. Started getting to know the kids a year ago and we get along great. Her ex by her account is a dead beat and always the bare minimum type, who she despises and usually doesn’t have much good to say about.


Get out.
Posted by windshieldman
Member since Nov 2012
12818 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:27 pm to
quote:

I have never dated a woman with kids so this whole thing is new to me


It was crazy to me at first. Until mid 20s I never wanted kids and hoped I’d grow old and be single. Just never had a woman I could relate to and my exes and I always broke up after a few months. Now I have 4 kids, 2 of them steps, and still married a woman I can’t relate to, but it’s all good.
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
390 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:28 pm to
quote:

but as a parent and a man with a wife with kids I know where she is and you aren’t right here.


Yeah I am beginning to see that as the cold guilt slowly creeps in.

I was so convinces that excusing myself was a rational thing to do. But then again, what is rational about Christmas anyway....
Posted by Breauxsif
Member since May 2012
22291 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:28 pm to
quote:

been dating a woman about 1.5 years who has 2 kids from her previous marriage.

Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32905 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:28 pm to
quote:


If my wife asks me to do something or look at something and it will only take a minute then I will happily do it or look at it rather than fight for half a morning.

How long has she had your testicles in her purse?
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
390 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:29 pm to
quote:

Dating a woman with children doesn't make you the beta cuck


I'm not sweating that. I'm more than comfortable with who I am and where I am in life. But thank you
Posted by Jake88
Member since Apr 2005
74959 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:29 pm to
You were wrong. Firstly, who gives a shite about watching her ex? Are you that insecure?

But, mostly, you missed the fact that the videos lifted a great deal of anxiety off of her and she was sharing her relief with you.
Posted by jkylejohnson
Alexandria
Member since Dec 2016
14272 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:31 pm to
Muh muh muh Christmas. Just suck it the frick up and say "awesome" or "I'm glad they're having fun" it's not like he sent her a dick pic captioned "thinking of you "
Posted by windshieldman
Member since Nov 2012
12818 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:31 pm to
quote:

Yeah I am beginning to see that as the cold guilt slowly creeps in.


You are a dude who has a woman, there will be plenty more episodes of you feeling guilty Our entire honeymoon was filled with regrets and guilt on my end. We’ve both become much better towards each other the longer we have been together.
Posted by HoustonsTiger
Houston
Member since Feb 2007
390 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:34 pm to
quote:

Are you that insecure?


Actually quite the opposite.
Posted by Mo Jeaux
Member since Aug 2008
59752 posts
Posted on 12/26/18 at 1:34 pm to
quote:

Dating a woman with children doesn't make you the beta cuck that some of these dumbasses are calling you. It takes a strong, secure man to marry a woman with kids and take care of another dude's children.


Whatever let's you get through the day I guess.
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