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re: "Children Are A Blessing" -Yet Parents Have No Time, Money, and Stop Excercising

Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:14 am to
Posted by Thib-a-doe Tiger
Member since Nov 2012
36819 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:14 am to
Whether or not you make a good parent depends on one thing : are you able to derive joy from seeing someone else have experiences, succeed, etc, instead of yourself? If yes, kids are awesome, if not, don't have kids
Posted by Thib-a-doe Tiger
Member since Nov 2012
36819 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:16 am to
quote:

ourselves and our relationship come before them.



I would recommend not having children.
Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88468 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:16 am to
I've enjoyed the hell out of parenthood. Ell jr. might be the best kid of all time.

Has slept through the night since he was 2 months.
Rarely gets upset.
Very independent already.
Easy to put down for naps and at night.
Eager to learn anything and everything. He's not even 2 and knows the alphabet.

We are lucky too. We have friends and family who beg to keep him on weekends. So we get a lot of time to ourselves. Have I gained weight? Some. But that has more to do with my eating habits than lack of personal time. My wife runs bikes and swims and is still in great shape.

Posted by SabiDojo
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
84835 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:18 am to
Start working out, ell. It sounds like you're holding the family back from perfection.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:19 am to
quote:

I would recommend not having children.


Well that's a fricked up thing to say to a pregnant woman.


Honestly...you want to be the best parent to your kid....don't let your marriage take a backseat to them. She seems to grasp that concept that is all.
Posted by lsu480
Downtown Scottsdale
Member since Oct 2007
92903 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:19 am to
quote:

Thats BS by the way. We aren't rich by any means, but easily cleared the income level where you dont receive any money for the child tax credit. So it's not like everyone with children is running around with money. And as always, not paying taxes in the form of a credit is not the same as taking someone else's money. Don't get all liberal the same way they view any tax break for the "rich" as stealing from the poor.


It's not BS. Property taxes go to fund schools and you have to pay even if you don't have kids.
Posted by GeauxxxTigers23
TeamBunt General Manager
Member since Apr 2013
62514 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:19 am to
quote:

I don't want my hypothetical husband to think of me as "their mother". I want to be his wife.. my own individual human being that he loves independent of our parenthood.


FWIW I think this is the reason a lot of women cheat. At some point their husbands do love them because they are the mother of their children, or they have the perception that that is the reason their husbands love them now. They watch shite like Sex in the City and the Bachelorette and wonder why their husbands don't treat them like that anymore. Well no fricking shite he doesn't treat you like that anymore, you're in your 30s and have a family, you're not gonna get wined and dined your whole life.

LL, I fear you may be at risk of cheating on Jones in 7 to 10 years.
Posted by Thib-a-doe Tiger
Member since Nov 2012
36819 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:22 am to
quote:



Well that's a fricked up thing to say to a pregnant woman.


Honestly...you want to be the best parent to your kid....don't let your marriage take a backseat to them. She seems to grasp that concept that is all.



Didn't know she was pregnant. Still stand by my statement.
Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88468 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:22 am to
I still run and bike and workout. Just much less than I should. Like I said... It has more to do with the food.
Posted by Winkface
Member since Jul 2010
34377 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:23 am to
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86753 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:23 am to
the whole "putting ourselves and relationship before our kids" thing is stupid IMO

I get the principle, just hate the wording

I love my wife. I love our relationship. I love my kid. Its impossible for me to say that I put one above the other. They are all on equal footing. They encompass my family, and my family is the most important thing in my life.

Its just all about balance. If you feel like the kids have been taking too much of your time recently, step back and take the time to have a date night or a long weekend with your wife. You and your wife have been working too much and not enough time with the kids? Shut work down some and spend a day playing with your kids.
Posted by SabiDojo
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
84835 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:23 am to
Do you need my quinoa pamphlet? It's either that or a divorce brochure.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:26 am to
You can flip that right around and say the same for men.


They want their wives to be the sex on demand nymphos that they were before kids and getting older came along. They think something is missing and go cheat looking for it.



Men you want your wife to have sex with you more?...treat her like she's your wife and not a mom. She wants the romance, you want sex....not that hard to figure out the tradeoffs.


Women...you want your husband to be romantic? Treat him like a grown man and not another child you nag. Initiate sex more, surprise him. He wants sex, you want romance...not that hard to figure out the tradeoffs.
Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88468 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:26 am to
Better take both to be safe
Posted by 90proofprofessional
Member since Mar 2004
24445 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:26 am to
quote:

They watch shite like Sex in the City and the Bachelorette and wonder why their husbands don't treat them like that anymore. Well no fricking shite he doesn't treat you like that anymore, you're in your 30s and have a family, you're not gonna get wined and dined your whole life.

Well maybe they'd have a basis for being disappointed if they were fulfilling their end of the parenting/household care-taking or income-earning consistently for the child-raising decades, and still looked like the Bachelorette looked when the dudes were competing for her.

Otherwise maybe she should just accept that kids can be exhausting and at some point all other priorities are second at best, including them. The alternative is that they put themselves ahead of their children- and for the sake of attention, basically.
This post was edited on 7/22/15 at 10:28 am
Posted by Winkface
Member since Jul 2010
34377 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:31 am to
It's not like there'a huge step down from relationship to kids. It's like a marriage. Some days you have to give more and on other days your spouse has to give more. Yes, it is a balance in a way. I just know that if I'm miserable, what kind of parent is that going to make me? I'm not going to talk about the details of my family but I've seen what happens when you put too much focus on your kids.
Posted by Thib-a-doe Tiger
Member since Nov 2012
36819 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:31 am to
Exactly what I meant. I love my wife, but if she and my children are hanging off a cliff, she's on her own. I would expect the same from her.


When I hear someone say "we come before the kids", all I can think of is a parent and a child only having enough food for one of them to eat, and the parent eating it


Congrats on the kid, Wink
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86753 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:34 am to
quote:

I just know that if I'm miserable, what kind of parent is that going to make me?


no doubt, thus why you and your husbands relationship being healthy if very important

and when the kids are young, it is work to keep the scale balanced between your relationship and the kids because they do take up so much time and effort

you have to make the time, which is easier said than done to be honest
Posted by SabiDojo
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
84835 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:34 am to
quote:

They are all on equal footing. They encompass my family, and my family is the most important thing in my life


I put the kids before the wife. She puts them before me. It doesn't mean we hate each other or that I love her less. It's just what we do.
Posted by Winkface
Member since Jul 2010
34377 posts
Posted on 7/22/15 at 10:34 am to
quote:

I love my wife, but if she and my children are hanging off a cliff, she's on her own. I would expect the same from her.
hmmm, what?
quote:

all I can think of is a parent and a child only having enough food for one of them to eat, and the parent eating it
extreme. Why does everyone jump to extremes?
quote:

Congrats on the kid, Wink
thanks.
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