re: Anyone got any good jokes?

Son tells his father he has to do a report on Perception vs Reality, and asks for his help because he is not clear about how to even how to describe the differences.

Dad says go ask your mom, sister and brother if they would have sex with Brad pit for 1,000,000.00 and then come back with what you learned?

Son goes to his mom and asks her if she would have sex with Brad Pitt and after mulling the question, she said she would so your father could retire sooner because he works so hard.

Son goes to his sister and asks the same question. Sister says she absolutely would have sex with Brad Pitt for a million, because she would do that for free.

Son goes to his brother and asks if he would have sex with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, his brother said, for a million bucks? hell yeah I would have sex with him for a Mil.

Son walks back to his father and his dad asks, well son. what did you learn about perception and reality? Son says, dad the perception is we have millionaires in our family, but the reality is we have two whores and a Fig living under our roof.

what do you call it when a man "finishes" inside a woman?


Loading the Dishwasher.

man leaves jail for the first time in 4 years. Returns home to see his wife and son.

"it has been a long time. The darkest years of my life are behind me. I made a mistake that forced me to miss the birth of my son and lead to me being the prison bitch for several cartel members. They fed me heroin so that i would become addicted. Raped and pimped out in my cell daily to pay for the smack. those days are now behind me, finally here with you. I am finally free"

His son turns his head "so what I am four."

quote:

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The blind man walks in,
Takes a look around and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

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Whats brown and sticky?







A stick

I believe I read this joke on here many years ago. I felt like it so perfectly encapsulated my husband engineer and his engineer buddies that I’ve always remembered it.

An engineer, a priest, and an ophthalmologist all go golfing together. They become annoyed at the man in front of them who is taking forever each hole. They finally ask someone who works there why the man is taking so long. The man says, “Oh, that’s Bob. He’s blind, so it takes him longer to finish each hole.”

The priest says, “That’s awful. I’m going to pray to God that Bob be healed.”

The ophthalmologist says, “I’m going to use my medical knowledge to see if I can heal Bob.”

The engineer says, “Why can’t Bob just play at night?”

quote:

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“prátaí” is Gaelic for potatoes. They still call them “praties” there in the West Country.

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I don't get it. Explain? Is it part of the other joke?



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Two Soviets are lying on their backs looking up at clouds.

One sees pile of potatoes.
The other sees an impossible dream.

Is same cloud.

An Alabama fan walks into a bar with a frog on his forehead. The bartender looks at him and says, "what the hell is that"? The frog says, "I don't know...it started out as a wart on my arse"!