re: Anyone experience douchey coaches in youth rec leagues?

I'm an assistant basketball coach at the high school level and also head coach of the JV team (freshmen & sophomores). Prior to this position, I coached middle school for a decade and in rec/developmental leagues prior to that.

Your son is 10, so I believe that would make him a 4th or 5th grader. By this age he should have at least the base skills: dribbling (even if it is only with his dominant hand), passing (chest, bounce, overhead), an understanding of the pivot foot, triple threat, and basic shooting mechanics. If he can't at a minimum do these things, he has no business being on the court, even at the 4th/5th grade level. These are all skills that can be acquired at home, in the driveway on a $150 Wal-mart goal, with a little guidance. If he wants playing time, he doesn't have to be Steph Curry at this age, but he does have to be competent enough that he is not a liability. Putting a kid on the court with no basic skills is a slap in the face to the kids that do work hard and that have acquired and honed those basic skills. It also causes resentment toward the kid that is the liability.

I had a player once in a 10 year old rec league. He was literally the last pick in the draft. On evaluation day, I wrote "NO!" beside his name but as luck would have it, I had the very last pick of the draft and he fell to me by default. He was a nice kid, but he couldn't do anything, not even play defense, he was small, slow, couldn't dribble, could shoot the ball high enough to even hit the backboard, couldn't catch a pass, travelled every time he touched the ball, etc. Meanwhile, the other 9 players on my team ALL had the basic skills, and at least 5 of them were above average skill wise. The league had a minimum playing requirement of 1, whole, quarter a game. So, I played him, one whole quarter a game. During that quarter, we could not run an offense (because he would wander around aimlessly), we could only play the most basic defense and try to hide him in the middle of it. We were only given 1 hour of court time per week to practice. I could have spent 8 hours a day with this kid and maybe could have gotten him to a 2nd grade playing level. His parents still had the nerve to complain that I wasn't developing him. Like, what the hell am I supposed to do with that. Don't be that guy!!

If you want your son to get more time on the court, you must spend time with him at home working on the fundamental skills because I can tell you from about 6th grade up, without a good grasp on the fundamental skills, you are not going to find many minutes on the court in any league (school, rec, AAU or otherwise). Have him dribble (strong and weak hand), show him basic shooting mechanics, watch some college games, go to local high school games. It is the only way to get proficient enough to compete, even at the junior high level.

When I coached 8th grade, my best 2 or 3 players (depending on the team) never came off the court. Our games were only 24 minutes long. My teams ranged from 9-13 players and I always managed to get everyone in the game, but the bottom 2 or 3 players only got a minute or 2. The exception being a blow out, then everyone got a lots of court time.

By the time your son gets to 7/8 grade, the best players play. Period. And the best players are the ones who have worked, trained, played rec leagues, AAU, pick up games, etc. After that, there is no playing time if you aren't good. On my JV team, my starters play 85-90% of the minutes. On the varsity team, our head coach plays the starting 5, that's it. The 6th man goes in if there is an injury or foul trouble, or if a starter needs to come to the bench for a minute to get corrected for doing something dumb.

Long story short, don't expect him to "develop" with 1 hour a week of team practice and a few minutes of game time per week. Put in the work and you will see results.

my coaches when i was a kid were all cig smoking beer drinking baws, who picked up players in the back of their pickup, drove us to the game, then to McD's of ice cream place and then home.

They were also some of the most ill tempered cats when fricked with.

I helped out coaching youth basketball for my daughters (never the head coach). Unfortunately, some of the guys who helped coach our teams (dads also with kids on the team) were the "douchey" ones. Mainly arguing with refs for calls/no-calls when there could be a traveling, double-dribble, or foul called on literally every possession when the girls were 7, 8, 9 years old, and then arguing with the other coaches who had the "audacity" to so the same thing for their teams. Now, to be fair, some of the officiating was THAT bad, resulting in girls getting hurt (tackled or elbowed in the face) without a foul call. But some of the guys acted like they were Bobby Knight coaching in the Elite 8 vs. dads coaching elementary school girls who were often more worried about sleepover plans during the game than the actual game. To me, that was embarrassing because it often led to in-game arguments with obnoxious parents in the stands...all while the girls playing had no idea what was going on.

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All the coaches happen to be Dads of players who also happen to be the 1st or 2nd best player on each respective team

Coach’s kids never come out during games. Maybe a one minute breather at most.

Bench players 6 thru 9 play a quarter or two quarters at most. Often in short stretches where they don’t have enough time to get comfortable.

Close games or crunch time, bench players don’t get in.

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With the above being said for context, you are kind of being the wiener here. As a coach, you still want to try to win the game...because your players want to win the game. That's competition....and life. It doesn't have to be to the degree where you are fighting with refs, parents, other coaches. But there needs to be some degree of teaching kids about competition and building a competitive spirt. My approach was to always give everyone on the team a chance to play during the game. But when it got to the 4th quarter and the final result was still undecided we played our best players trying to get the win. There were more than a few occasions my child was NOT one of our best players. As a result, there were games she was on the bench during the final few minutes. Initially, she would get upset about it. But my message was if you want to win the game then we have to play the best players at the end. And if you want to be on the court, then you have to be one of the better players. So instead of complaining about it, work to get better. She did! The desire to play motivated her to get better. Life isn't about holding hands and not caring about the results. The "development" happens at home...not by playing the worst players on the team at a critical point in the game simply to be "nice".

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I guess I take issue with this philosophy, at the younger development level.

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This is where practice comes in. When I coached rec baseball I always had maybe 3 or 4 kids who were fairly decent to good and 9 or more who were extremely raw and knew very little. We practiced a lot each week, the ones who were weakest got most of the attention and reps. My son played rec and travel at the same time and asked me one day why he didn't get to do as much as the others at practice. I explained to him that we work on pitching and hitting all the time at home but many of these boys get no help at home so it is better if I spend the time teaching them. He didn't like it but understood.

I've seen two.

First one, I wanted to yell "INCOMING" at him. But as soon as the whistle blew three times, he was cutting up with the players.

Other time, the guy never stopped being a jerk. His team won and their body language was like a team that got curbstomped.

My kid plays over the coaches kid.

Your problem isn't that the coaches kid is playing more, it's that the better players are playing more?

As long as the coaches are playing the better players and still getting some development time for the others I don't see the issue. This is how it works in the real world. Want more playing time? Get better.

I have volunteered to coach many at this age. The first thing I would have done is allowed you to replace me and coach the team…

I coached my son’s football team, basketball and baseball teams when he was in the 5th and 6th grades mainly because no one else would do it and it was hard to find help even though folks liked to complain about it. The last game I coached was wonderful because I was finally done with it. It was a burden trying to get off work on time to coach practices and games.

The plus side was those kids and I have a bond even today and it benefited my son with his friends and his willingness to work with his kids.

The funny thing about how mad parents got at games was their kids were at the snack bar after games eating and laughing and joking with one another. They didn’t give a crap, they were just kids and friends.

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The better question is "Anyone not experience douchey coaches in youth rec leagues?"

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It’s unfortunate especially seeing it for 7 year olds and younger. I don’t remember seeing Lane Kiffin or Jay Johnson scouting any games coach…